Through Blind Men's Eyes
by eternal rose 45
Summary: Bella commits suicide after Edward leaves her. Stricken with grief, Edward cannot move on- not until he meets HIS Bella 100years later. And so the story begins: how can two lovers torn apart by death be reunited again in life? What are the costs?
1. Frozen Over

**_PLEASE READ_!: **In a fit of inadequacy and self-loathing I tore this story down from fan fiction and vowed that it was just going to be another unfinished fic. However, I desperately missed my characters and I missed writing. For me, writing is a release and takes me away. I have recently discovered that I don't need to be the best. I just need to be me and do the best I can do. This fanfiction readers, is my best. I pray you enjoy it even if you have read it under its previous title: WANDERERS. I thank you for reading from the bottom of my heart. Please enjoy and feel free to give any feedback. I love hearing from you guys. And so it begins: =]

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement is intended. The content of this fan fiction does not represent the views of the author.

Chapter One.

It was the worst day of my life, and let me assure you I have lived enough days for an eternity. This day, by far, was the day I will never forgive myself for as long as I may exist.

Alice made a promise to me the day that I left Bella that she would no longer keep tabs on her. It wasn't right for either of us. A clean break. Ha! What a fool I had been. What a complete fool. For eight months I had figuratively withered away. My spirit and my drive were left back in Forks, Washington with a dark-haired beauty while my body seemed to just float about. I rarely thought of anything but my Bella. She haunted me with every step I took, and I came to appreciate the fact that her mind was the only one I could not read. If I had read her, my resolve would have been broken months ago.

It never bothered me, living alone while my "siblings" had their significant others. I simply thought that that life was not meant for me. No harm, no foul. I had never met anyone worth living for, so I assumed that bachelor life was the path for me. I was never the one to pine for women, but then I met Bella.

She danced within the confines of everyone's thoughts completely unaware that I knew the secret workings of all of their minds. She had subconsciously taken over the whole male population of Forks within a day, and everyone wanted to meet this new addition to the Forks cult. I will admit that the arrival of Chief Swan's daughter intrigued even me far more than I had expected it to. I wanted to see what she really looked like. I wanted to believe for myself that she was as commonly beautiful as all the men said. Well, talk of her was nothing like the real thing.

She was perfection; I instantly fell in love.

Separation, however, was taking its nasty toll upon me. Alice and I were staring out upon the frozen tundra of Alaska. I was numb- not from the cold, but because my aching heart (or what was left of it) had turned to ice. I was aware of my blank stare, but it was something I could not dwell too long on for my thoughts were ruminating on nothing more than Isabella. How I wished I could hold her again, kiss her, love her.

I laughed bitterly. The sound was harsher than I had anticipated as it ripped through the serene peacefulness of the barren ice land. Beside me, Alice jumped a little and turned her head ever so slightly to see what had caused the sudden outburst for it was not like me to suddenly break out with noises. At least, it hadn't been.

Love her. Hah! As if she would want me. How could she love what I was? I was a mystery to her- nothing more. I was an unsolved puzzle and when all the pieces had been put together she would have dismembered me bit by bit and put me back in my box where I belonged. I was a monster. All of us were monsters. It was right to leave her. Bella could do so much better than me. It was a fact. How could she love a soul-less monster like me? It was unfathomable on so many different levels.

I on the other hand yearned for her with every passing moment. My life without Bella Swan was incomplete. Without her warm touch and dazzling smile, my world was plunged into a blackened abyss that sent me into a whirling depression. Nothing motivated me any longer. She was all I could think about and I had to physically bind myself on more than one occasion to keep from running back to the rainy, suburban Forks, Washington to reclaim what was not rightfully mine.

She was never mine to begin with.

I had never known than such beauty, such _passion_ could emanate from any one being. That is what had attracted me to her, other than her glorious smell of course. Never before had I had such a desire for anything. I didn't think it was possible, but when I saw her for the first time in the lunchroom at Forks High, I knew my life was forever changed.

Beside me, Alice sighed and looked straight ahead again, pulling me out of my thoughts. She too was thinking about Bella. The two had become very close over the summer and had formed a strong friendship. I suppose it was unfair of me to forbid her from saying goodbye, but I couldn't bear it. It had to be quick and painless- like ripping off a band-aid (or so I have heard.) I could not prolong my pain, nor could I cause Bella any more than I had already put her through.

"Please don't think about her." I mumbled to Alice after a few moments. I couldn't handle the thought of her now. I had good days and bad days. If you could believe it, today was a good day.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Edward…"

I already knew what she was going to say. 'Why don't you go back? I know how much you're hurting and I'm sure she is in as much pain as you are.' Bullshit. She was done with me. She had tired of me long before I decided to leave. "No."

"Why not Edward?" Alice sounded angry now. Alice rarely became angry with me anymore- it was no use. Whatever tiffs she began I always ended up winning. She quickly learned that there was not a chance in the world of getting her way when it came to my relationship with Bella. She didn't understand. How could she? "God knows how horribly you have been torturing yourself. I can hear you at night when you think no one is listening. I see you go into the woods surrounding the house. Edward, I hear you cry for her when you're in your own world and block the rest of your family out.

"Edward we are not daft. We all know how much you miss her. We miss her too, don't you see? She was my friend. She was my _best_ friend, and she loved you more than you ever knew. Esme and Carlisle, Edward, they are so worried about you. They don't know what to do anymore- _we_ don't know what to do!"

Her voice began rising and echoed off of the mounds of ice that surrounded us. She was becoming angry. So was I. "Edward, you are my brother and I love you, but why are you doing this to yourself? This is ridiculous! Bella…"

"ENOUGH!" I had not realized how horribly my hands were shaking. I was furious. I could only imagine how wild my eyes looked, for the frustration was wiped clear from Alice's face and replaced with a hint of fear.

No one was allowed to mention her name. It was taboo. Alice knew that.

"We are not discussing this right now Alice." I hissed, my tone saturated in venom.

Alice looked down, "I'm sorry I brought it up Edward. I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy."

Alice looked up at me, her brows creased and met in the center of her forehead before she erupted into a bought of condescending laughter. "Yes of course, Edward. I can see the jubilance just exploding from your features."

"Stop it, Alice." I whispered. I didn't need this right now.

She continued, ignoring my request. She seized my face in one of her hands, forcing me to look at her. "Look at this happiness!" She slapped my face lightly. "Wow, you know it really… it really…" She stopped abruptly.

Alice dropped her hand, allowing it to fall limply to her side. Her eyes were suddenly ominously wide and blank. She was shaking her head ever so slightly, her eyes welling up with tears. She began mouthing something, an unspoken plea – her lips trembling. She reached out and when she found nothing before her, Alice began to panic.

"Alice?" I asked fear creeping into my voice. I had never seen her like this. The only other time she had looked remotely like she did was when James' coven had come to find our family.

My sister turned, hurriedly walking forward, her arms outstretched as if to prevent someone from moving; to call them back to safety. Alice was shaking violently now as tears freely fell from her anxious face. "Don't…"

"Alice?" I asked again, closing the gap between us and seizing her shoulders. Alarm filled my body as I shook her. "Alice! What is it? What's going on?"

She was fiercely shaking her head now as she broke free from my grasp, running forward. A frantic cry erupted from her lips before she threw her arms out to the invisible being before her. "NO!" Alice screamed before she broke into terrible sobs and collapsed to the floor, quaking. "No!"

I sunk to my knees taking Alice's trembling, sobbing body in my arms. A voice, the voice which I had blocked from my mind long ago then resounded through my head, her voice full of desperation. _"Goodbye, I love you."_


	2. The Eleventh Hour

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement is intended. The content of this fan fiction does not represent the views of the author. =]

**SHOUT OUTS! **

**Applepie121:** I did actually. I felt that my story was not worth being on fanfiction anymore. I was a good way into it before I tore it down. Luckily I save all of the chapters I had. I'm going back now and rewriting parts and leaving others. I hope you stick with me through Edward's journey in Through Blind Men's Eyes. I loved hearing from you very much!

**Icrodrigues**: Well hello again girlie! =] Glad to see your back again! The hunt is on! Let's see how you do! =]

**Chapter Two**

Alice refused to utter a word as she sat on her heels, sobbing. To keep me out of her thoughts, she translated _The Odyssey_ from Greek to English and when she finished that, she translated it from English to Italian. An overwhelming feeling of dread consumed me.

She failed to even look at me even as she sprinted home. Alice kept her thoughts and visions to herself, but the catastrophic nature of them did not escape me. She rarely kept anything from me unless it was something unmentionable. If I had a working heart, it would have been furiously beating.

I had never seen Alice run so fast, for even I could not catch up with her. I lagged behind as Homer became a distant, frantic lullaby. My mind was racing. I needed to know. What had happened to our family? Carlisle? Jasper? Bell… No. I could not make myself imagine her in pain. Bella was fine, I knew it. She was in Forks with Charlie and Angela and that damned Mike forgetting all about me and having a grand old time. She probably didn't even remember who I was.

But in some way I knew.

I arrived back to our home to find it in frenzy. Alice had left, taken her car and ran. Carlisle and Esme were huddled in the living room, their hands intertwined and their foreheads pressed together murmuring to each other. Jasper was on the couch, his head in his hands as he massaged his temples. He was controlling the emotions of the room. The only person in my family that seemed to take no heed to whatever was going on was Rosalie who continued to read the book I had left her with this morning. I should have taken it as a sign. I was too blind with confusion.

Desperately I tried to gather their thoughts together in my head and decipher what the hell was going on. Nothing. They were reciting poetry and Rosalie was wondering when she would go out hunting again. A sham, a lie. I could see pain and fear on all of their faces albeit Rose. I knew there was something was wrong and I hated being left in the dark. Anger reared its ugly head within my breast.

"What's going on?" I asked my voice thick and laden with venom, no pun intended. I was shaking in anger and fear. A hundred different emotions sparked inside me as I fought to keep my temper. I needed to know.

Carlisle and Esme looked up, their topaz eyes displaying agony and filled with apology, but neither of the dared to speak. No one else attempted to make eye contact with me. My other three siblings sat where they were; unmoving, unspeaking, unthinking.

I was gone. My rage swelling to insurmountable heights as I watched them all avoid my gaze and G-rate their thoughts. I needed answers and I needed them now. "God dammit!" I roared, my hands balling into fists. "What is going on!?"

Emmet was the one who acknowledged me this time. He got up from the loveseat where he had Rosalie wrapped too-tightly in his embrace and his face buried in her long, blonde hair. His eyes too were apologetic as he came to stand beside me, his left hand resting on one of my shoulders. _I'm sorry. _He thought sorrowfully. It was the first time someone looked me in the eyes all day.

Suddenly it hit me.

I stumbled backwards awkwardly and collided with the baby grand piano. "What happened?" I managed to choke out, my anger now subsiding to nearly nothing as I waited.

"Alice…" Rosalie began, but was instantly silenced by Emmet who threw her a warning glance. _Not you. _I could see the hurt bubbling up in Rose's face, but I was having a hard time focusing. I looked at Jasper to see him as he was before; head in hands. I could feel his attempt at soothing me. As hard as he tried, his gift would not faze me. I was so past the point of frenzied delirium that any hope at reaching out would be lost on me.

"Edward, please know this was not your fault." Carlisle whispered, taking a step towards me. "It… Edward, Bella…"

Everything stopped. I suddenly couldn't feel my limbs. Bella? My mind was working slowly, as if I were human and just waking up from a three year coma. A haze shrouded my entire being and I felt as if I was going under. Bella. My beautiful, beautiful Bella. Something had happened to her. My mind was processing the words slower than normal. I had trained my mind, however, to and block out any harmful thoughts about her.

"Son," Carlisle paused, his face torn. I knew he was debating with himself whether to answer my pleading eyes or not. My adopted father came close, placing his hand upon my shoulder and squeezing gently. He took a deep, slow breath before whispering, "Alice saw Bella commit suicide. She… jumped from a cliff. She was alone."

With those few words my world had suddenly come to an abrupt halt and exploded all around me. Bella? Suicide? It must be a mistake. She… she must have lost her footing on the beach and fallen into the foamy water on shore. They were all lying to me. It couldn't be true. My Bella would never kill herself. She had promised me that she would take care of herself and not to anything stupid. This was all a lie! It had to be. It couldn't be true. My Bella was sensible.

I looked wildly about the room praying desperately one of my family members would start laughing and tell me it was all a lie and that they were just messing with me. Nobody did. Carlisle had stepped away from me once more and tucked Esme under his arm. I gripped the side of the piano, crazed. Rose was sent from the room and Emmet and Jasper widened their stances. They were going to trap me if I started doing anything stupid.

"I…" I croaked before swallowing hard. "I don't believe you. Carlisle, you're…" I stopped as I began wheezing and choking in my vampire cry. I laughed uneasily and doubtfully, "you're lying Carlisle. You guys are really funny. I… Carlisle…" He shook his head sadly and Esme started to wheeze. "It's not… please."

Carlisle stepped forward and just stood before me, his eyes filled with sorrow. He wrapped his arms around me, and that's when I knew. That's when it all hit me. She was gone. My Bella, my beautiful, clumsy Bella was dead. She had killed herself. They were not kidding.

I threw out my hand for the cordless receiver that had been laying peacefully the glossy surface of the baby grand piano. My fingers dialed her number wildly, my eyes never leaving Carlisle's face. The ringing in my ear was frantic and my hands were shaking. _Pick up_ I thought desperately. _Pick up!_

"Swan residence." an unfamiliar choked voice answered on the other side of the line.

I panicked suddenly. In my momentary lapse of fear, I sputtered, "Hello, this is Carlisle Cullen, is Charlie available?"

A low growl answered my question on the other end of the phone. "No. How _dare_ you call here!" This was not Charlie that much I knew. I didn't need this right now. I just needed to speak with Charlie, and I needed to speak with him now.

"Who am I speaking with?" I whispered, my voice trembling precariously.

"Jacob Black." The man on the other end hissed vehemently.

"Where is Charlie? I have an important message for him. I _must_ speak with him." I couldn't control myself as a hint of anger and impatience entered my voice. I didn't need to speak with Jacob Black at the present. Why couldn't he just give Charlie the damned phone?

"He's at the funeral. Tell your family to stay the hell away from Forks. You're not welcome here anymore bloodsucker." The young man spat and I could almost feel the animosity dripping off of his words.

"Jacob…" I said quietly, but my words didn't register, because there was another 'conversation' going on in the Swan kitchen.

I heard a door open before I could decipher Charlie's voice asking who it was. He was there! I could just make out Jacob's reluctant surrender of information. He growled that "fucking Cullen's father is on the phone." There was a long pause on the other end before a monotone "give me the phone" was uttered.

"Hello? Carlisle?" It was the first time I had heard Charlie's voice in what seemed like years, but I didn't not recognize it. It was small and laden with sorrow. His once deep voice cracked repeatedly and I could hear the sobs.

"Yes?" I answered simply not wanting to give away my identity.

A sharp, ragged breath followed my response. There was another long pause before Charlie, enraged screamed. "Tell your boy! Tell him he did a damn good job killing my daughter. If he ever comes back to Forks, I swear upon my life I will hunt him down." Suddenly Charlie broke down and said, "Tell Edward he did this. She was my everything, my daughter, and now she's gone. Tell him I hope he rots in hell for killing my daughter. Don't come back."

I could hear nothing but the dial tone.

My hand was shaking as the phone crashed to the floor. Somewhere, far away I thought I heard the desperate screams of a wounded animal. I could hear them clearly as the wounded beast threw his head back and cried out in sheer agony. Howling and screaming and crying the beast continued to thrash as his world collapsed around him.

When I regained consciousness and found myself kneeling on the floor, my hands digging into my chest, I realized that beast was me.

**A/N- Hi everyone! Please read and review!! =] **


	3. Metal Against Metal, Chain Against Chain

**Shout outs!! =]**

**ChristinelovesPhantom: Actually, now that you bring it up I've only had a similar reaction to one of my other fics. I think it was a Phantom of the Opera one. Unfortunately, whatever was left of that story was deleted when my hard drive crashed like four years ago. I don't even remember what it was about… hahah. Thanks for reviewing me and adding me on your alert! =] Hope to hear from you soon! **

**Chapter Three**

I was gone.

I was so far gone that I made an enraged alcoholic look complacent. I couldn't feel. Everything around me went fuzzy as I continued to sob. How could I have let this happen? How did I let my life get this bad? I thought she would forget me. I thought she would move on!

I roared in agony, shaking ferociously as Esme came to calm me. Had I not been so suicidal, I would have embraced her. But now I could only sob, and not even a vampire sob. Never once have I heard of a vampire shedding actual tears. I was. They blinded me as I clung to anything that would remind me that I was still alive. I needed to torture myself. I had to put myself through more pain. I had killed her.

So many words left unspoken. So many caresses unshared. So many lives broken. I should have told her she was my world. I should have told her I could have never lived without her. Now I am alone- a blind man in the dark. I didn't know where to turn. My heart shattered in my breast and I clung to my chest as if to force the fragments of my broken existence back together. Why? Why, had she killed herself? How could I live when she is dead?

"Edward. Edward." Esme cooed over and over again, wrapping her arms around my waist to keep me upright. She too was crying as she attempted to restrain me and pull me up from under my shadowy waters of hell.

"Bella!" I cried out. I screamed her name again and again wishing that if I called out to her she would come back to me. "Bella!" I moaned again, digging my nails into my chest. The pain was like nothing I've ever felt before. It was as if someone had taken a knife to me and ripped me open alive. The pain was a thousand times worse than the hurt I felt in the three days I had transformed. This ache was indescribable.

I was in hysterics as I keeled over, my forehead pressed against the hardwood floor. I had been so accustomed to breathing that in my 100 years of being seventeen, I had never stopped. As I cried out for Isabella Marie Swan, my breath had stopped. It would never return; I would never allow it to return. She was dead. I wanted to be too.

I felt another pair of hands on me now. A body flung itself across my back, arms wrapping around me. I was slightly aware of the rise and fall of Alice's chest against my back as she wept with me. I grabbed one of her hands and gripped it for support. She understood. Bella was her best friend, and I had ripped their friendship apart in my own irrational fit of inadequacy. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that she could be normal without me. Now she was dead.

I wanted nothing more than to die. I prayed for it, for I could not live another day knowing that she was dead… knew more vividly that I had caused her death. The beast reared his head once more, arching backwards and allowing Alice to roll off of his back. The creature was out of control, disillusioned by the extent of his grief. "I'm sorry!" I moaned, "Bella forgive me!"

Death. It's all I wanted; it's all I prayed for. That sweet blanket of darkness would reunite my love and I. I had once told Bella that if anything had ever happened to her, I would go to the Volturi and plead for my death. As I arched back in grief, I made up my mind. I would leave for the Volturi now. I would do whatever I had to for them to become so enraged that they would rip me to shreds and burn me. I could envision the purple smoke emanating from my body. In a very macabre way, I longed for it. I longed to smell my burning, cold flesh. I longed to feel the heat on my body. I longed to be with my Bella again.

There was a frightened scream next to me before I suddenly found myself on the ground once more. Alice had my shoulders pinned to the cold wood beneath me, panting. I had never seen her wail like this before, but I should have known she would have been hurt by the death of Bella almost as much as I was. Her look, however, caused an enraged sensation to shoot up my spine. Shit! She had seen me.

"No Edward!" She screamed as I started up at her, infuriated. She couldn't she let me die? Why did I have to live in my own personal hell? "I swear to God, Edward, I will not let you go to them! You didn't do this. It's not your fault… Edward, _listen_ to me!"

"I didn't do this?" I hissed vehemently, sobs erupting from my very core as I threw her off of me. I flung her across the room. Alice hit the opposite wall and crumpled to the floor with a loud crash. I jumped up and was in a crouched position before her, hissing. She looked up at me with such sudden fear that I didn't blame her.

My family rushed forward. Emmett seized my shoulders as Jasper scooped Alice up and cradled her in his embrace. I fought against Emmet, but I was no match. "_I didn't do this_? I was the cause of this. If I had never been alive this would have never happened! She would still be alive right now! She would be happy somewhere and she would have never met me! She would have Mike or Tyler or any of the other damned Forks boys who pinned for her so desperately. She would be alive!"

I needed to die.

Before I could move again however, Carlisle and Jasper had their hands upon me. Their holds were like vice grips and I tried desperately to break free. I started to scream in fury and anguish as I attempted to rip my limbs from their hold. "Let go of me!" I hissed throwing my body in different directions to be rid of their hold.

"Edward," Carlisle attempted calmly, struggling against me. "Edward, look at me. Come on boy, listen to me. Think of your family. Esme and I, we love you very much. Edward, think of what it would do, how it would hurt us if you allowed them to kill you. We can help you son. I promise, we can help you."

"Get off of me dammit!" I screamed, his words never reaching my ears. I was blinded by my fury. Did my family not understand? I needed to die! I couldn't live knowing what I have done! Why couldn't they understand that? Why couldn't they let me go to the Volturi? Damn them! Damn them! "I need to die! I can't live with without her. Let. Me. Go!"

Once more, the beast resurfaced. He roared out in suffering and rage as he thrashed about in an attempt to flee. My family only held the beast tighter, clutching him to their bodies. Emmett had his arm wrapped tightly around the beast's waist, Jasper was restraining the monster's arms, and Carlisle was trying beyond all hope to reason with him. The beast wouldn't stop. If anything, his thrashing and screaming got even louder. He was suddenly murderous.

The next thing I knew I was being forcefully dragged up the long, wide staircase beating and screaming at my brothers and father. "Let me go God damnit! Let me die! Let me GO!" Esme was running up the stairs behind us reaching out for me as she sobbed. "Esme help me! Let me die! LET ME DIE!"

My adoptive mother broke out into uncontrollable sobs. She clutched the banister and turned her face into the pecan colored wall. That was the end of Esme. I watched her as I screamed for her to help me, but she only pressed her face tighter into the wall. She couldn't look at me. She couldn't help me when I needed her.

I was hauled into a white room as I continued to try and rip my limbs from their grasp. I was cursing louder and rougher than ever before. They didn't care. My "family" only attempted to contain me tighter.

Before me stood and sheet of thick, impenetrable steel. I recognized it instantly. They use it in institutions to bind the mentally insane from doing damage to themselves and people around them… I registered. If I was gone before, I was obliterated now. My fury knew no bounds as my family shoved me onto the table and bound my hands and feet in thick, metal restraints. My _family_ was doing this to me. _MY FAMILY_.

Emmett was holding me down as Carlisle fastened me onto the cold, hard, smooth table. Alice had somehow reappeared and was clutching onto Jasper held her with just as much ferocity. I could see the torture in their eyes as they bound me, but I didn't care. They had gone too far.

Emmett and Carlisle stepped away from me; their hands open in front of their bodies to show 'no harm.' Too late for that. Rage filled every part of my body. I bared my teeth and screamed frantically, murderously at my family. I threw my back upwards hoping to rip out the restraints. Subconsciously I knew there was no way to break free, but I was too livid to think straight.

I turned to my family as they watched me crumble. I watched them as they took me in, struggling violently to be rid of my physical and mental chains. I couldn't suppress my screams. "Look at you!" I laughed bitterly through my tears. "My family. How could you tie up one of your own?" Alice ran from the room, shaking violently with sobs at the sight of me. Good. "You are all dead to me." I hissed. "ALL OF YOU!"

My rage-filled homicidal screams intensified as did my thrusts upward to free myself. The chains that bound me rattled vehemently. Metal against metal. Chain against chain. I screamed, but no one heard me, they had all gone. I threw my head backwards and a howl escaped my lips. I was alone. I always have been, and I always will be.

**A/N- So what do you guys think? Decent? I'd love to hear back from you! =]**


	4. Incarcerated

**icrodriguez: **you're doing well so far! =]

**Chapter Four**

I'm not sure how much time passed. Minutes and seconds dragged on endlessly until I thought I was going to drown in their existence. I did drown. Upon that metal tourniquet I sank deeper and deeper into my despair, going under, and gasping for air. Gasping for her. My Bella.

Isn't it funny how in just one moment- one breath- one word, you could change your life forever? Isn't it funny how happiness could be altered in a second and be replaced by a never ending void of grief, which corrodes your heart from the inside out, turning it black and cold in your body until you feel as if there is nothing left to live for except that unending pain. Nothing to look forward to but worthlessness of every morning as you get out of bed? I knew that pain. I knew it very well.

I don't know when I halted my screams, nor do I remember when my body went limp. I just remember the cold, hard slab of metal beneath me and the thick leather straps that bound me. They were the only things that were restraining me, and in a way, the only things that were saving me. I did not want to be saved, but no matter how hard I tried to rip free from my bondage, I failed. I failed just as I had failed Bella. Just as I had failed everyone…

With each new thought or recall of her voice or her touch, a new wave of pain shot through me. I could not move. I was rendered immobile. My soul, heart, and voice gone. I had nothing. I had no one. I had died along with my love when she had taken her own life. My family had tied me up and left me to fight the demons of my unstable mind. I was incarcerated by my own family.

My mind no longer worked, and I could feel myself slipping into an inevitable figurative unconsciousness. I was going crazy, I knew. My mentality began to fade, blurring everything in a thick haze of inconsolable, lackadaisical seconds. Menial seconds. Menial everything.

I started up at the gray ceiling for a long time. Too long. I was able to block everything as I counted and then recounted the ceiling tiles. 1,379 was the final result. With every square, I thought of a new reason to hate myself; a new reason that Bella should hate me. I came up with 1,379 reasons and I wasn't surprised when I realized that there were more self-loathing statements I could have made. 1,379 was not enough. It would never be enough.

There was silence after that. For as long as I can remember I had never heard complete silence. There were no voices in my head. No thoughts, no feelings. Not even I could muster a thought. Complete and utter silence plagued me. I heard the distant sounds of cars far off. It ripped my heart out. To think, I could have been happy. I could have been in my car with Bella. I could have been laughing. I slipped further under. I didn't mind though, no. The silence comforted me in a way. No one was lying to me, and I was not lying to myself.

There was silence for a long time before I heard the creak of a door. It sounded so far away and so… foreign. My ears were not accustomed to noise, not after the stillness. I was actually angry that my silence was corrupted. I needed to be alone with myself. I needed to kill myself with my words. I needed my own verbal abuse.

"Son?" a tentative voice questioned from the opposite end of the room. I couldn't look at him. I hated him. How could I not when he had bound me and left me to live? How could I thank him for saving me when I didn't want to live without her? "Son."

"I'm not your son." I spat. I continued to stare up at the ceiling. I hated him far more than he knew and I could not find the strength to give him the satisfaction of looking at him on my own free will.

I could feel Carlisle's hurt from across the room. I didn't care. He could fall to his knees before me and beg for my forgiveness, but even then I was not sure I would be able to grant it to him. He didn't understand. Bella was gone. What if Esme was gone? What if she died because he left her alone? What if he had been a cruel, heartless animal and left her to die because he couldn't bear to see her hurt again?

"Edward, please…"

"Please what, Carlisle?" I hissed, my throat stinging. "Please. What?"

Carlisle was quick and was soon by my side, his hand resting gently upon my arm. I still could not look at him. I tried to jerk away from him, but the bondage that held me was too strong. I roared in fury, but his hand never wavered, only clenched tighter around my skin. "Son, Edward, please understand what our family did was in your best interest. We want to help you." His voice was worried, plagued with grief and regret. I could hear the strain in his voice and I hoped that seeing me tied down was what was causing his pain. … It was.

I laughed. The sound was bitter and condescending, but it sounded oddly soothing to my ears. Carlisle on the other hand took back his hand as if he had touched fire and was burnt. He was startled by my reaction. "You can't help me. No one can help me. What if this was you, Carlisle?" My voice began rising- angrier and angrier. "What if it were Esme? No one understands and don't you dare attempt to try!"

I heard Carlisle swallow hard. "I can't honestly say that I know how you are feeling, Edward. I do know, however, that there are people who love you and want to help you however they can. I would never abandon my family. Esme and Alice have been beside themselves for days now imploring me to come and talk some sense into you. We all miss you Edward. We're all frightened for you, but we all want to be there when you need us. We all love you, son."

I did not respond. I didn't want to. I wanted him to suffer from everything he put me through. I wanted him to fall on his knees and beg for my forgiveness. I would laugh at him then. I would glance his way and laugh until I thought of my Bella again. My family had done this to me. They had to suffer.

"Please son," His voice cracked as he took one of my hands in his. I flinched away trying to recoil, but quite frankly, it was hard to do very much of anything when you are forcefully bound. "Edward, you are part of our family, a very big part. We don't know what we would do if you were not with us. Please understand, we tie… we tied you up for the best. We needed you to see reason. Would she have wanted you to die for her, Edward? Would she have wanted you to suffer that kind of end?"

That hit a nerve. I allowed my head to roll lifelessly to one side so that I was facing him. Carlisle took a look at me, and I'm sure he would have taken a step backwards had I not gripped his hand. "You don't know what she would have wanted." I spat. "You didn't know her like I did. You have no right." My voice rasped so hard that I knew it would give way any second.

"That is true, but I know she would have never wanted you to end your life because of her. It was not her character. She loved you Edward. She loved you far more than you could ever imagine and you need to understand that love makes you strong. Wherever she is, you must trust that she will make you strong even though she cannot be with you physically."

I opened my mouth to speak, but only a wheeze escaped. I began to move my lips furiously speaking in a silence dialect before I swallowed hard. I mustered everything I could before asking, "Why? Why couldn't you have let me die. I wanted it so desperately."

"We couldn't son," Carlisle answered softly, brushing a piece of hair from my face. "None of us can stand to lose you. Can I let you go? Will you promise me… will you swear upon her grave that you will not run?" Suddenly a sinking feeling entered the pit of my stomach.

Carlisle said it had been a week. Bella had probably already been buried. The thought of my Bella being placed into the hard, cold ground sent shivers up my spine. She was too young. She shouldn't have died. She should have been with me for all eternity. "Did I miss it?"

He nodded solemnly. "They buried her yesterday."

A small sound escaped from the back of my throat and my eyes began stinging furiously. "I wanted to say goodbye one last time…"

"She wouldn't have wanted that. It wasn't goodbye. You'll see each other again someday. Someday when God allows us to be free, you shall see her again."

"We will never be free. God hates us Carlisle and that is why we are here. It was goodbye, and I missed it. How can I live? She was all I ever wanted... Even before I knew her I loved her. We were destined to be, but what do I do? What do I do now that she has gone, left me shrouded in a black haze of despair. What do I do? How will I live? I need her, Carlisle. I love her."

"I know son." He whispered. "I know."

"I won't run as long as you promise me one last goodbye to her."

I felt the restraints on my ankles and wrists fall away, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I willed my body to move, but I was immobilized by my own mind. I felt Carlisle's arms underneath me, pulling me up into a sitting position before helping me slide to my feet. I turned my head to look at him. He understood my unspoken thank you. He continued to guide me down the stairs into the waiting arms of Esme.

Esme held on to me, clutching me to her body. Esme guided me to my car, situating me in the passenger seat. Apparently Carlisle had whispered in her ear. I was numb as she buckled me in. I didn't notice when Alice slid into the driver's seat next to me and started the car. We stole a glance at each other and our faces reflected the same emotion though on different standards. She had lost a sister and I had lost everything.

-----

Somehow it seemed only fitting that it was raining the day I went to see my Bella for the last time. The rain was coming down in steady droves and it soaked my clothes through. I didn't care. I couldn't care less about trivial things such as clothes.

I stood before her headstone, daisies in hand. I had asked Alice to stop so that I could get them for Bella. I was alone now. Alice was standing a good thirty yards behind me so that I could say my last goodbyes. I glanced downwards and the sparking stone caught my eye.

_Isabella Marie Swan_

_Beloved Daughter and Friend_

_Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven_

_where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us_

_to let us know they are happy._

I fell to my knees, wrapping my arms around the cold stone. I pressed my forehead to the marble and began to sob. "Bella. Wherever you are, I am sorry. I'm so sorry." I was gasping for air. "Goodbye my love. I will always be here waiting. I will never forget you, my life, my love. Goodbye."

I broke down once more holding the tombstone to my body wishing desperately that it was my Bella. I cried out in pain and in moments Alice was by my side, caressing my back and crying with me. I didn't know how I was going to live without her, but for my family's sake, I had to try.


	5. Hatred For Thyself

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**Chapter Five**

My life was dramatically different. After Bella's death, my existence went through various stages of grief. Some rare few were good, but most were bad. For a long time I would not leave the confines of our home, no matter where we were living. I was not introduced as a member of the family. I didn't go to school. I didn't go to Carlisle's doctor functions with the rest of the family. No one knew I even existed.

So began my first stage.

For fifty years after Bella's death I could not venture into the outside world. I couldn't bring myself to be torn away from the television where I would sit for hours wishing that the radioactive waves would fry whatever was left of my brain. I hoped that if I sat there long enough watching episode after episode of dry, futile sitcom humor that I would forget.

I didn't.

I did not forget what I had done and I didn't forget the way my family had treated me. They had thrown me into this fate: lifelessness. If I had gone to the Volturi I would have been with my beloved, but no. No, I was a comatose being that haunted the Cullen household. I harbored a secret hatred for all of them. I treated them with cold civility while they treated me like a child.

Everything changed when I returned home from the Forks Cemetery to pay my respects. The Cullens walked on eggshells when they were around me. They knew it would only take any of them one false move and I would be sent into a whirling tirade of emotion. They spoke to me as if I was an infant that had a horrible nightmare. Except this was no nightmare. This was my life. My God-damned, fucking life.

Though I did all but ignore them, Carlisle and Esme begged me to enroll in _this_ high school, or _this_ college to get my mind off things. I couldn't bring myself to leave the house. I could not escape the insurmountable guilt that consumed me. I could escape neither my thoughts nor my feelings for the long deceased human I once loved so dearly. I couldn't… I wouldn't.

I would spend my days either in front of the mind-numbing television or reading. I no longer touched my piano. The desire I felt to let my fingers slide along the ivory keys seemed like it belonged to another time, another place where everything was right with the world and no one was ever in pain. My music belonged to Bella. Wherever she was, my music was too.

Ha! I laugh at my sick sentiments. No such world had ever existed, nor will one ever. This world will always be filled to the brim with greedy, mindless, inexcusable wenches. There was neither kindness nor gentleness, only hatred and stupidity. There would never be that soft cushion for anyone to fall back upon, just an overwhelming sense of worthlessness and greed. That's all people were… to me at least.

I spoke little to nothing to Alice. She was the one that caught on to my scheme first. She would be the one to suffer the most. When I was not speaking to her, I was going out of my way to insult her in whatever way I possibly could. She would smile at me, but her eyes held a deep sadness. Good. She would block her thoughts from me, just as the rest of my family had done.

No one in my family ever purposely thought of Bella. All I could hear from their thoughts were poems or thesis papers. I once overheard Emmett's thought about my love, however. It was always harder for Emmett to block himself from me than it was the rest of my family. He felt sorry for her. Emmett wished that she had known how much he missed his "little sister" and thought frequently of going to her grave. This ripped through me like a knife. I let out a small moan when I heard his words, but as soon as he realized he slipped he began making references to a motorcycle magazine subscription he had stored in his room.

And that was that. Bella was never in their thoughts again. Though I hated my family, I thanked them for the only favor they paid to me.

As annoying as it was, Alice kept tabs on me during my dark stages. THAT much I could read it in her thoughts. She kept a watchful eye on my future, and apparently it was not good for I was never to be left alone. Orders from Alice, naturally. My future was fuzzy and shrouded in a thick mass of haze; Alice could not see much, but what she did see must have caused her some alarm.

Every second of every hour of every day I was under surveillance. Some days it would be Rosalie, some it would be Jasper, but my whole family got to take turns. They got to witness firsthand how mentally unstable the repulsive monster could get. They got to laugh as I slipped farther and farther into my insanity. For little by little, everyday, I began to fall into psychosis. I thought it was normal, and I found no fault with my change in mood, apparently I was the only one.

I could go months without satisfying my thirst, whilst the others could never exceed three weeks. Hunger was not something I felt anymore. I no longer craved blood: human or animal. The only thing I craved was her touch. Carlisle always got extremely apprehensive whenever I went for long periods of time without consumption. I once went without nourishment for a whole year and I'm quite sure Carlisle was having epileptic panic attacks daily. As much as I loved watching him endure such torture, I had to admit, I felt incredibly guilty. I never did that to him again, but I went much less often than the other members of my family. What did I need food for?

In useless attempts to get me out of the house, my family forcefully enrolled me in high school with my other four siblings. I went occasionally, rarely, but only because Alice would physically bind me and throw me into the back seat of her car with Emmett and Jasper. There was no way that I had the strength or the will to try and escape, and Alice knew that very well. The she-devil.

And so began the extensive and difficult adjustment back into society: a stage I liked to call the assimilation period. With each year I went to school a few more weeks, until I was once more a full time student. Carlisle was ecstatic at my decision (or lack thereof) and Esme praised me every time I was near her. I really was too much to bear. I wished they would just leave me be.

It was difficult at first, considering I was not used to being in such close proximity to humans. Being so near them brought back so many painful and fresh wounds I thought I had buried long ago. Not to mention that I had not been in contact with anyone for a good seventy five years, and having been so self-exiled I was rather socially awkward. I didn't know what was considered communally acceptable or, to Alice's dismay, what was fashionable. I wore my clothes from seventy five years ago, and even though I looked ridiculous, I was still the sought after 'hunk' I was all those years ago. I gave geeks and nerds hope everywhere. After a few months my clothing choice became something 'retro' and soon everyone was wearing it. Wow, lovely. _Just_ what I needed.

I was openly welcomed back into my family's arms. They joked with me once more and every so often, to my utter surprise, I would find myself joking and laughing with them. Eventually I found that it was easier to suppress my memories with harsh witticism and company, and by 2086 I was laughing again. I remember the day clearly. I was sitting with my family watching Emmett and Jasper wrestle. Jasper had my big, burly thing of a brother tied up like a pretzel and I couldn't contain myself. Seeing this huge male twisted and contorted in his own large limbs tickled my fancy. I laughed for the first time in 78 years. Everyone stopped. The sound of my booming laughter was foreign- another language if you will. I don't think they could ever recall a time where I did laugh. I saw shock then glee resister on their faces.

From that day on, I was allowed my freedom.

Though I was granted a freedom I had wished for fervently for decades, I never once gave up the thought of running to the Volturi. Forgetting Bella was not something I could do; something I was sure I would never be able to do. I still had my days when I could not go out in public. I still had my days where I would sit in front of the television and stare mindlessly into the device. I even still had my days when I would cry my mysterious, real tears. They were and hidden from plain sight. I no longer wanted people to witness my inner turmoil. I no longer wanted them to see my pain.

She never left my mind though. I could see her everywhere I went. When I would shop with Emmett I would see a small, brunette and hope would bubble in my chest. The girl would turn and I would be broken once more. I would leave and a whole new set of 'bad days' would begin. It was a cycle my family was now used to, but they never mentioned it. Bella and my moods were a taboo topic.

On September 13, 2088 was the day that I began playing the piano again. I sat before the masterpiece that was my carved baby grand and stroked the keys. I had not played in 80 years, and I wondered if I would be rusty. I had missed my piano, and as I sat on the old, wooden bench I could think of no one other than Bella. The last time I had played, she was sitting on the bench with me, her hands running up and down my back. She was watching my fingers glide across the chiseled keys in awe. I left her space vacant, afraid to cross over into the hole I had reserved for her long ago. Anywhere she used to sit was hers, and would always be open to her. I could never intrude. I didn't want to.

As I stared at the keys, I felt a devastating need for my Bella. My long buried feelings for her resurfaced and crashed over me like rough waves during their swell. In an unconscious action, her Lullaby I had written for her flowed from the tips of my fingers. As I played, visions I had tried so hard to keep at bay hit me head on and I found myself sobbing. I, however, could not stop and as I replayed her song over and over again. I watched my life with her flash before my eyes. She was in my arms, playing with my hair. I was holding her tight, kissing her forehead. I was saving her from James. I was leaving her alone and broken in the woods…

I cried out in agony and suddenly Alice was at my side, stroking my hair and listening intently.

_It's beautiful, Edward._ She thought.

"It was her song, her lullaby." I stammered, unable to stop.

"Shhh, stop doing this to yourself_." _She soothed, trying to halt my fingers on the ivory keys.

"I won't." I answered, nudging her away with my shoulder. "I want to remember."

So we sat there for hours as I played Bella's Lullaby, and slowly her song took on a new verse. A new chord then appeared. Before either of us knew it, Alice and I were listening to a newly composed song; Bella's Requiem. September 13th, the anniversary of her birthday… What a day, of all days, to play her Lullaby and Requiem in honor of her memory. I stood looking down upon the baby grand; I played her songs every day after that.

Days lost their lethargic feel and sped up considerably. My brothers, sisters and I graduated from Utica College in New York in May of 2089. I began aiding Carlisle with his work in the hospital and soon became his assistant. Until, that is, we had to move so as to not let suspicion about our ageless faces surface.

Our family then relocated overseas to Siberia. Carlisle has figured that we had traveled around enough in the United States, and considering the fact that we were all fluent in at least five different languages individually we should give it a shot. Right off the bat, the five of us started with the Eastern Institute of Economics, Humanitarian Sciences, Management and Law. By 2093 we had our degrees and we relocated once more, all of us glad to be returning home to the United States.

The year I returned home from Siberia, was the 85th anniversary of Bella's death. My first priority when we transferred to Salem, Oregon was to drive up to Fork and set flowers upon my love's gave, but when I arrived at Fork's Cemetery, something was wrong. So very, very wrong.

**A/N- I know… this chapter is rushed and not very good. Like, at all, and I truly apologize. I wanted it to seem as if Edward was very scatter-brained and partially insane, but it didn't work out as well as I had hoped. **

**Please read and review. They will be a lovely birthday present to me! =] **


	6. I Think, Therefore, She Exists

**Wow. Thank you to everyone who put me on their favorite story list, story alert list, and reviewed. It is such a great honor to me to hear from you and I enjoy it so much! :) Thank you for the birthday wishes! :) Hope you enjoy!! **

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**Biankis: I wish I could answer your question, but if I say much it will give the whole plot line away. I wish I could give you a yes or a no, but unfortunatly you will just have to wait and see. Edwards future just seems to flow from me, so que sera, sera! Enjoy and hope to hear from you soon!**

**Chapter Six**

I stood, the soft green grass brushing lightly against my shoes in the chilled wind of fall, but I could take no notice. The weeping willows, as they whispered untold secrets to the wind, called for a peaceful setting, but peace was not something I felt. Fury is what I felt. Uncontrollable, unexplainable, coursing-through-your-veins-until-you-feel-like- you-are-going-to-explode fury. I had felt that rage many times before, but it was nothing compared to what I felt now.

The roses I had held in my hand could no longer be deciphered. I had not realized I had curled them up into a ball, nor did I take notice when the mangled, distorted petals began to escape my vise grip and float gently into the air around me. It was serene- peace was the _last_ thing on my mind. I could not think of peace at a time like this!

A snarl escaped my lips as I stared down at uncovered land, green stretching across its flat surface. What the hell was this? There was nothing here. Nothing. The cemetery was standing, yes, but the tombstone I had visited for 85 years was gone, nowhere to be found. I chanced a glance at the stone beside me, wondering if I had somehow forgotten the location. No. The gravestone of Charlie Swan laid solemnly to my right, and to his right was Sue Clearwater- Swan. I was not in the wrong area. What the HELL was going on?!

I growled in anger as I stalked back to the car where Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were waiting. I knocked irately on the window before Emmett rolled it down. "Something is wrong." I hissed, peeping my head into the car to notice that Alice had that far-away look in her eyes and Jasper's arm around her, whispering something in her ear. "I'm going to the front to see what's going on."

"Yo, bro, come on," Emmett said twitching his head in the direction of the passenger seat looking a bit skeptical. "Let's go for a drive…"

I stared at him like he had gone demented. What was he _talking_ about? Bella's headstone had gone missing and he wants to go for a damned _drive_?! My eyes must have looked really menacing for after a good minute and a half of giving him a very prominent incredulous look, he muttered, "Yeah… we'll meet you there."

As I began walking away, I heard an argument erupt from the car. "What the hell, Alice? Are you serious?"

"As if this is _my_ fault, Emmett!" Alice screeched, fear and a hint of anger sprinkled her tinkling bell-voice. "I told dad to keep us away from the area for a while! I didn't know Carlisle was going to cave so easily! And I'm _sor-ry_ that my visions are only subjective…!"

"Hey, calm down." It was the first time I had heard Jasper interject in the conversation, his voice abnormally gentle and soothing. "I'm sure there is something…"

"There isn't!" Alice huffed exasperated. Her voice dropped considerably and I knew it was to keep me from eavesdropping. "I would suggest going with him… it's not going to be pretty."

"What do you mean 'it's not going to be very pretty," Alice? You said everything was under control! You said…"

A snarling sound erupted from the back seat and I was almost inclined to turn around and see what was going on, but I kept going as my temper flared. "Just was I said, Emmett! I didn't know this was going to happen. I mean… I knew… but, I didn't KNOW. I didn't have enough time to put in a decoy! Edward is going to rip someone's head off, and I swear to God if you two don't go in there with him…"

"Alice…" I heard Jasper coo, but it wasn't enough for the pixie.

"I'm serious. Unless you two want a death on the family's name, go." When there was no movement in the car she hissed, "Now."

I had to turn everything off. I couldn't listen anymore, so I quickened my pace. Hearing their thoughts was no longer a problem. I had learned to turn that gift off decades ago when I didn't want to hear any sympathetic words. I rarely ever used thoughts as a way of listening in conversation anymore. It was an invasion of privacy, not to mention that I rather enjoyed the quiet. I could think peacefully and to myself without the interruption of other's thoughts in my mind. Speaking of thoughts, Alice's words were really starting to creep up on me. \

I heard the engine rev and drive to the building at the front of the cemetery where Emmett parked. He opened the car door and stepped out, scratching his head as if he were in thought. He turned and said something to Alice who remained in the backseat. She nodded at his words and suddenly Jasper appeared from the opposite side of the vehicle. I turned my head and failed to see when Alice climbed up into the driver's seat. I heard the car's engine start once more and then it was gone.

Emmett and Jasper stood at the set of double doors at the office to the side of the burial ground. Emmett was shifting uncomfortably whilst Jasper rubbed the side of his temple. To anyone else, this would have looked like a simple gesture of scratching an itch, but I knew better. He was controlling the situation; I could feel his powers as it tried to wipe away my fury. If anything though, the use of his gift only fueled the fire. Jasper was playing with fire; it was inevitable that he would eventually be burned.

"Let's go." I spat. I needed to understand why my Bella was not where she should be.

Emmett reached out and grabbed my arm in a gentle hold. I snapped my head to look at him, my anger blazing. Did they both my brothers want to get burnt today? "You sure bro? It could all be a misunderstanding, you know. They could be...uh… cleaning the headstone or something. I'm sure she's right there as always." His voice was soft and comforting, but I felt like taking the back of my hand to his face.

"I'm sure." I stated confidently, ripping my arm from his grasp. "I need to know why she isn't here."

I turned my back to my brothers and walked through the door. From behind me I could hear Emmett, his voice dramatically in hopes that only he and Jasper could hear whispered agitatedly, "Yeah I bet you wish it was my Rose instead of Bella."Jasper answered back and returned condolences, making excuses for me. I didn't need excuses made on my behalf. They should drop the act.

There, in the far corner, stood a man dressed in fine business attire who had taken it upon himself to re-arrange the desk before. His balding head just barely peeping out over the top of the surface as he bent down to retrieve a paper he had dropped. Buried in the depths of my mind, an unfamiliar emotion swept over me, one I didn't understand. I felt sorry for the man, but not enough to leave without my answers. He looked elderly and frail, and something about him evoked some sort of sadness in me. He didn't deserve my wrath, he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time…

"Excuse me sir." I announced loudly to show my presence. He had not looked up when I or Emmett and Jasper opened the doors. I should give him fair warning that we here. He was going to be dragged through hell and back in about a minute.

The elderly man looked up from his papers and smiled. Something dropped in the pit of my stomach. He was so fragile that I felt extreme guilt wash over me knowing that he would get the extent of my rage. "Hello son, is there something I could do for you?"

"Yes, actually, there is." My voice was hitching and I could feel the anger again. No. "Where is Isabella Marie Swan's headstone? It was not where it should be this morning and I would like to pay my respects."

"Hmm…" the elderly man answered as he searched through the papers on his desk. His brows wrinkled slightly and I found myself tapping my thighs to keep me sane. "Hold on a minute, son. Let me get the records." He answered as he smiled and retreated into a room beside the desk.

I nodded and as he turned to leave, I looked back to see where my brothers were. I jumped in surprise to see how close they really were. Just inches behind me stood a wall of muscle. They were prepared for the worst and in many ways so was I. I gave them a curt nod before I heard the man shuffling back with a box. I turned and noticed that he was chewing on his bottom lip slightly. Not a good sign.

"I'm sorry boy, but we don't have any records of an Isabella Marie Swan at this cemetery." He said as he glanced down into the box of files perched on his desk. "We have Swan, Charlie and Swan- Clearwater, Sue, but no Isabella I'm afraid."

I felt my body stiffen dramatically. Jasper unleashed his power upon me, but I was so too far gone. I spun around, glaring at my brother as I spat menacingly, "Don't you _dare_." I then turned back to the elderly man before me and hissed a low but audible, "_What. Do. You. Mean. She's. Not. Here?_"

The man gulped and took a step back, leaving the files on the desk. He was frightened of me as he rightfully should be. "I…I'm sorry my boy. I've been working here for a few years now, and from my recollection, we have never had an Isabella Swan. Maybe she is at the burial ground in Port Angeles?"

That's when I exploded. "WHAT!?" I was shaking with rage. How did they have the _audacity_ to tell me that an Isabella Swan never existed? How did they have the _audacity_ to lie right to my damned _face_? My vision began turning red as I gripped the edge of the desk in a vise grip. "I am gone for four years and in that time Forks has decided to exhume her from the ground and then tell me that she was never here?! Tell me that she never existed! Where would she be, sir?" I was stricken with frenzy. "_Where is she_?!"

The elderly man continued to back away quaking with fright. Had I been sane I would have felt sorry for the fear I was instilling in this man, but now all I could decipher was madness. "I… I d-don't know wha-what to say. We have never had an Isabella Swan here…"

My shaking became incredibly evident and suddenly Emmett was at my side, clutching my arm. "Bro… bro come on. Look at me. Edward. Edward!" I spun to face him. "Look at me bro. Deep breaths, come on man!" I could not respond. My body was shutting down. Confusion and hostility flowed through my veins and began to take hold of my body, wrapping around it like a snake around its prey. I was the prey. "Come on, Edward!" I could hear Emmett scream. Poor Emmett… I wish he didn't have to see me this way; panting and on the verge of breaking.

Jasper was desperately trying to keep the peace, but I was no match for him. He was trying his best, and I commend him for that, but I could not cooperate. I was no longer in control.

"I'm sorry I can't do anything to help you." The man yelped, cowering, his back against the wall. I snapped my head around to look at him. "I hon-honestly wish there was s-s-something I could do for you, but we have never h-h-had an Isabella Swan in thi-this cemetery." I wanted to pounce upon the old man and force information from him, but he was so delicate. Even in my fury I could not hurt the elderly man.

"She is here!" I screamed, my tears finally breaking loose. "She has to be! I hate being lied to sir! Tell me where she is! She existed. She _existed_!" I took a step forward, and assessing the situation, Emmett crushed me to his body, preventing me from moving. I screamed out in fury struggling against my brother violently. How could she not be here? I knew she had lived once. I knew because I loved her more than I loved anything. How could they lie through their teeth?!

"Get him out of here!" Jasper whispered as he ran to the cowering man. "I'm sorry about my brother, sir." I heard him say quickly. "He has recently lost a loved one very dear to him, and has taken it upon himself to visit the graves of all our relatives who have passed away. He felt he didn't have enough time with our friend and wanted to…" Jasper was lying for me. I wanted to listen to his excuse, but Emmett had kicked the door open and was running from the building.

I saw the car barreling towards us as Alice spun the car in a 180 to make the passenger door easily accessible. She jumped out of the car and threw open the gray barrier. As I looked inside, I understood why Alice had left. The seatbelt was no longer a thin strap, but an industrial band the size and width of my chest. Shit! Emmett threw me into the seat and fastened it against my body. My struggling was limited in the restraint and as Emmett slid into the back and wrapped his arms around my chair _and_ body all I could do was roar in pain.

Jasper sprinted from the building and jumped into the back with Emmett a precaution I am sure they previously worked out. Alice started the engine and stepped on it, the car speeding at nearly 120. "Edward," Alice whispered frantically, "Edward, I want you to look at me." I turned head as far as I could. "I know how much this hurts you. I do, really. I know you don't, but breathe. For me, I need you to breathe. I need you to look at me and I need you to breathe. We don't know what happened, but everything is going to be okay. She is still with you in spirit and will always be in your heart. Everything is going to be fine. Breathe for me."

"I won't breathe…" I croaked, "Not unless she is with me again. I haven't taken a breath in eighty five years, Alice."

"Edward listen to me!" Alice was in hysterics and she too was crying. "Everything will be okay. Just breathe for me, please. I want to help you. You have pushed us away for so long. We miss you. When you started getting better we were ecstatic, don't let this hinder your process. Edward, don't push us away again! Everyone wants to help you. We miss her too!"

"You don't understand!"

"I swear we do. We have been suffering too, but instead of losing just her, we lost both of you. We mourn with you, but you won't see it. She was like a sister to me Edward, I loved her too."

"She was so selfless and kind. I understood why you loved her though I didn't agree with it." Emmett interjected, tightening his arms around me. "I know now that I was wrong. She was part of you."

Jasper took a breath, "Even I enjoyed her company though I was afraid of killing her. It killed me to know that on her birthday I didn't have enough willpower to stop myself from lunging. I'm sorry Edward, I'm so sorry…"

I choked on my own words as my mysterious tears began to fall, glistening against my pale, white cheeks. I had not realized, but I could not let them see my pain. I didn't want to show weakness. It was not who I was. I was supposed to be strong and confident. I was supposed to be able to control myself, but I couldn't. And as I sat in the car, sobbing, I only thought of my Bella and how she would have hated me if she had seen me like this. She would have hated it because she existed. I know she did. I swear she did. I swallowed hard and threw my head back, releasing a cry of confusion and regret.

I know she existed.


	7. Darkness Is My Shadow, She Is My Light

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**Chapter Seven **

As Alice pleaded, I didn't let the incident at the graveyard hinder my healing process. I did it for Alice, but most importantly I did it for Bella. She would have hated to see me on the brink of insanity. It would have crushed her knowing that I was not longer capacitated of control my senses of rage. And so, for my Bella, I soldiered on _much_ to my family's surprise.

That night we returned home… well, let's just say it's not a night that my family and I discuss very often. My two brothers and sister kept me incarcerated in their home-made excuse for a harness. They confined me to Alice's 911 Turbo, a car we kept just for emergencies now that it was nearing the ninety year mark, as Emmett and Jasper held me to the seat and Alice tried to calm me.

Finally I had had enough. Yes, I had never been as strong as Emmett, but I knew he was going to scratch his nose in 5.6 seconds. It was my chance. I tore free from his grasp and nearly ripped the car door off the Turbo in my haste to be free. I slashed through the door to our home destroying anything that got in my path. PIANO was the only thought I had. PIANO. PIANO.

Emmett and Alice were not far behind me as I continued my torrent of rage and I could feel the violent rush of calm trying to engulf my being. Thank you Jasper… I'm pretty sure I have had _ENOUGH_ of that. I didn't voice my thoughts- I couldn't. I needed my baby grand. I needed that sanctuary I had neglected for too long. I needed to play her lullaby; needed to remember to prove that she had lived.

Fuck them all. Fuck them _ALL_! I know she existed. I remember the way her body felt against my own. I remembered the way her hands fit perfectly in mine. I remember the way she smelt, the way she laughed, the way she smiled. I remembered everything about her. How warm she was .Her surprise, or lack thereof, in learning that I was a vampire. I remembered the way she would get too carried away when I would kiss her. The feeling inside me was too difficult to suppress. I remembered everything. She had to have lived. I was _not_ insane. She had once been real.

I threw open the door to my room and glanced at the space between my baby and where I was standing. I took the room in three large strides, settling myself down in haste before I released my frustration on those smooth, ivory keys. That's when I knew that I was not alone.

Jasper stood directly behind me. I could sense him and his desperate attempt to calm me. I was fighting; I was fighting harder than I have ever fought in my life to keep my emotions. I wanted to feel. I had been numb for too long. I wanted to feel that anger. I wanted to understand why she was no longer mine. I wanted to know why I was being lied to and I needed to know without being under the surveillance of Jasper's powers.

Alice had her arms wrapped around Jasper's middle, pressing her body against him for support in case I lost control. Alice was a smart one; I had to extol her for her efforts. Emmet was now flanked by Rosalie who he kept tucked into his embrace. My parents had now joined this motley crew to gaze upon my insanity. Esme's face was buried into Carlisle's chest. He had his hands wrapped in her hair to keep her from glancing at me. Was I really that frightening?

Slowly, very slowly, I could feel my anger waning and I knew that Jasper was not the cause. I was breaking. My thoughts of Bella filled my head. She was angry with me because of what I had done to my family. I was tearing at the very core of everyone. I was hurting my family with every unkind word and every morbid action. She was fuming because I had become so unreasonable, and she was frightened above all else at what I had become. I was now the epitome of a monster I had worked so hard never to be. I was vile. I was despicable. I was a monster.

My anger ridden composition turned peaceful as Bella's Lullaby flowed from my fingers. In my mind I could hear Bella's voice, "Go to them. Embrace them and bring them back into your life." My shoulders slumped forward until my fingers stopped all together and my forehead flopped downwards, pressing against the keys. A loud chorus of notes exploded in the quiet air around me. I was shaking with sobs.

Esme broke free from Carlisle's grasp to come to me. She pressed her brow into my shoulder and began caressing my forearm. For once, I did not flinch away. Instead I flung my arms around my mother and she tightened her grip upon me. I felt as if I was a small child, but I didn't care. I needed the caress of a mother: a caress I had long since shunned. "She existed."

My mother clung to me, allowing me to understand that she was here. She would always be here no matter what events occurred. Even after all these years of pushing everyone away, she was still by my side. She was still my mother. "I know, Edward, I know she did."

"I'm sorry." I sobbed into her shoulder. "Esme, I'm so sorry." We sat there on my piano bench for God knows how long, but she never loosened her grip. Not once did she try and pull away, she let me hold her, and she held me in return. We felt each other's pain. Eventually I looked into her eyes. I saw shock register on her face as she witnessed my swollen, red eyes. She was not aware of my real tears, but she said nothing.

"Mom," I whispered, looking into Esme's topaz eyes. She stopped breathing for a moment, stunned. I had never called her my mother before. I was always 'Esme', but now as I gazed upon this woman I realized that even though she and I were not biologically connected, we were spiritually connected in so many other ways. "I love you."

It was her turn to cry.

---

It was as if that fateful day had never happened. My family had returned to their old routines and I had now joined them. Where they went, I went. Open arms welcomed me back and I was surprised to see how easily I smiled again. My family beamed especially Carlisle and Esme. I was home. Everyone, your son Edward is home.

I began trying new things: things I would have never dreamed of doing during my depression. Emmett had convinced me to go skydiving with him one day. It was exhilarating. Oh, how I laughed that day. I hadn't laughed that hard in nearly a century. I loved it. Emmett and I were nearly inseparable after that. Every weekend we would go on some crazy escapade that had me belly laughing so hard that I forgot my pain. Emmett became my best friend in a short time. When he wasn't with Rose, all of his spare time was spent with me on some event we were planning.

When I wasn't putting my life in the hands of Emmett, I helped Carlisle at the hospital. I had built up immunity to human blood considering my failure to breathe. It was not something I enjoyed. Breathing was supposed to sustain life, but I was still dead without Bella. Vampires didn't need to breath to survive. They have no vital organs that need to constant flow of oxygen to fuel their usage. It was my preference, and my family didn't argue, but they certainly didn't fail to take notice.

Working with Carlisle was peaceful, and even though one had to work with strangely mangled bodied or small repairs, it made me feel happy to know that I was aiding someone in need. I was prolonging their life so that they could live it. I loved the feeling. I wanted to help, and I wanted to learn more. Carlisle, however, would give me the smaller tasks that required less blood and I was thankful. He also kept me far away from drowned victims of which I could not thank him enough. I didn't want to relive the past decades. I wanted to move forward.

All in all, I was on better terms with everyone. Alice, of course, was still my favorite sister. She and I could sit and talk about things for hours. Her pain was my pain and vice versa. She was fiercely loyal and was always by my side. She often accompanied Emmett and me on our 'adventures' much to Jasper's dismay. I was now even on good terms with Rosalie. She, of course, did not understand my feelings for Bella, but it was never brought up, so it never interfered with our relationship. Ninety Five years in passing and I was on my way. Difficult as it was, I soldiered on. I found a life with my family and I was happy.

This was a new me. I was as genuinely happy as I could be considering my circumstances. Our family was whole again. I was gone for far too long, but they welcomed me home again. Things were back to the way they were before… The only time loneliness hit was at night. My family had their spouses and lovers. I was alone, but I tried to find tasks to occupy my mind. I read: a lot. I dabbled in some poetry and I composed constantly. Piano is what made everything go away. I was sorry that I had neglected it for so long.

My family was now notorious for doing wild things. Since none of us, albiet Esme and Carlisle, were over 21, Emmett and Jasper decided they were going to take us to a club. They were constantly trying to find crazy things to do, and after fifteen years of attempting the most dangerous things we could think of, a club was the only thing left. Oh, _so_ terrifying…

Jasper had paid a visit to J. Jenks' firm which was now owned and operated by his grandson, or what we enjoyed calling him J. Jenks III. This new Jenks child was just as spineless and frightened as his grandfather had been a hundred years ago, except this one was worse. Who could blame the boy for being frightened though, we Cullens could be _very_ intimidating if need be.

We acquired five fake ID's, considering Carlisle and Esme decided to forgo this experience. Jasper attempted to keep our names as close as possible, but there were just some things that needed to change. Tony Masen, Mary Brandon, Lillian Hale, Anthony Whitlock, and much to Emmett's dismay Stregoni Benefici. Never voicing his opinions directly to Carlisle himself, Emmett complained constantly about his ID name. Jasper thought it was good for a few laughs, considering the fact that when Emmett had found out Carlisle's Christian name a century and a half previous, he had laughed inwardly for days. This was his payback.

"Come on Emmett, it'll be easier to…" I had to stop for I was laughing so hard. I covered my hand to my mouth as I watched Alice deck our big, burly brother in _super_ tight, shiny black spandex pants and a fitted button-down than opened up to mid chest. Emmett was scowling furiously as Rosalie was applying massive amounts of gel to his hair.

"_You. Shut. It. Edward._" He growled as Alice and Rose continued to fuss.

Jasper and I were keeled over in laugher, and I had to grasp onto one of the posts on Rose's four poster bed frame to keep myself standing. Jasper was howling with laughing just as badly as I was. He was on one knee covering his face in his hands. I seized the camera resting on the desk at the far side of the room. I snapped a picture. I couldn't help it. I would need these photo years from now to look upon and start laughing all over again. This was never going to get old.

"I'm going to kill you! Why couldn't we just use Dale McCarty? Everyone else got to keep their own names!" Emmett yelled, trying to leap for me, but Rosalie and Alice pulled him back, laughing themselves.

"Sweetie, you're the most… exotic looking…" Rosalie pressed her lips together desperately to keep in her uncontrollable laughter. "of all of us. We thought we could pull it off better with you." Rose chanced a look at Alice and as if on cue they both erupted into peals of laughter.

"Bullshit!" Emmett growled, "You just wanted a good laugh at my expense, well ha. Ha. Let me give you a little show." Emmett pressed the palms of his hands against the back of his head and began shaking and popping his hips out as Jasper dropped a techno beat. "Jasper, shut the fuck up!"

Alice, who was continuing to gel Emmett's hair, smacked him hard across the head with the bottle she was holding in her tiny hands. Emmett let out a cry of surprise and turned to our pixie sister with a glare. "Don't you yell at Jasper." Alice said shaking the bottle in her hand as a warning. Emmett looked at Jasper and back up to Alice before mumbling a sorry attempt at an apology before we all burst out laughing once more.

"Let's go Stregoni, baby." I laughed grabbing my jacket off the bed.

Emmett took a step towards me. He jabbed his pointed finger in the bridge of my nose and hissed, "Someday, I do not know when that day will come, but someday you will all be sorry for this."

I took that moment to snap another picture and quickly glanced at the image on the back of my camera, chuckling. "Emmett, I _really_ don't think we will."

Emmett let out a curse and a small sound of annoyance as we all made our way down the stairs. Esme and Carlisle were waiting for us on the couch in the living room, watching the local news. They looked up to see us coming, but their eyes instantly fell on Emmett. Esme covered her mouth with her hand before composing herself enough to say, "Don't you all look attractive."

"Yeah right, ma…." Emmett began before Alice jabbed him sharply in the ribs and whispered something very heatedly to him about how he was representing Carlisle's name. He quickly sobered up and said quite conspicuous and in an awkwardly excited monotone voice, "I say we all look dashing."

I had to stifle my laughter and out of the corner of my eye I saw Emmett let out a whoosh of air. Alice must have jabbed him in the ribs again. Good ole Alice… I couldn't help but smile. Rosalie put a hand on his arm and patted it a little too hard to signalize that she agreed with Alice. Even Carlisle was amused, his eyebrows raised and a smirk playing across his lips. "I… well… I didn't know you all were going to…" he trailed off before letting out a hearty laugh. "Poor Emmett."

"See!?" Emmett jabbed a finger in Carlisle's direction glaring at the rest of us.

"Oh…." Alice cooed mockingly, letting her lower lip protrude slightly. "Too bad, so sad. Let's go everyone!" Alice was anxious… almost too anxious and there was a very small yet mischievous gleam in her eyes that I didn't fail to take notice of.

"Goodbye everyone! Have a wonderful time tonight, will you?" Esme called to us from the couch, waving as she did so. "Enjoy yourselves and just have fun!"

"We will, Esme!" Rosalie called over her shoulder. "Bye!"

A chorus of goodbyes followed suit as we walked out into the brisk January air. It was January 29th and I tried my best to block out what today symbolized. I met Bella 100 years ago today. I shoved the thought to the back of my mind, my brothers and sisters infectious mood keeping me excited and happy. I needed to get out tonight. I needed to let loose and dance. Tonight I would forget. I had to.

"Okay!" Alice exclaimed. "Edward, take your car and Emmett said he wanted to take his so he didn't look too ridiculous. I think that should be fine, but if anyone has any objections…?" There were none, so Alice and Jasper got into the backseat of my car and Emmett and Rosalie took his.

With our need for incredible speed, Emmett and I pulled into the parking lot of the crowded club within minutes. It was packed, but I wasn't worried about getting in. Alice and Rosalie had dressed in the least amount of clothing they possibly could without enraging Jasper and Emmett and they were going to seduce the bouncers. I heard it all play through Alice's mind as we approached the guards and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey there big guy," Rosalie cooed, her light voice becoming airy over the large crowd. She raised her left hand and wiggled her fingers next to her face in a seductive manner as Alice batter her eyelashes. "Would a nice guy like you let us in? I'm afraid our friends got here a little while ago, but didn't wait." Rose pouted, biting the corner of her lip. I felt Emmett stiffen next to me and had to put a hand on his arm to prevent him from tearing the bouncer's limbs off.

The guard was instantly dazzled to say the least. "Uh… um… uh… yeah!" He lifted the red rope to give us the right away and glanced at my brothers and me with envy. "Go right ahead!"

"Thank you kindly." Alice batted her lashes before giving him a quick wink and air kiss before walking in. The rest of us followed.

The club was like nothing I had ever seen before. Well, for one thing, I really _couldn't_ see. Apparently it was the new thing to turn off the lights and put some random colored strobe lights everywhere to flash every few seconds. You really couldn't see anything and I ran into a few people before Alice reached out and grabbed me, pulling me to our group.

I tried desperately to adjust to the darkness, but it was too dark and somewhat epileptic in that tight enclosed area. The flashing lights, if stared at too long made you feel as if you were going to start convulsing instantly. There went my only way to see…

"OKAY!" Alice screamed over the crowd, "I don't know about you, but I'm ready to dance!" She grabbed Jasper's arm and let him to the dance floor. I could barely make out their shadows and before I knew it Rose and Emmett were walking towards them, dancing the whole while. I was alone. Well… that really sucked. I couldn't just go and start dancing by myself. That would just be ridiculous… So instead I quietly and carefully made my way to a wall where I would stand by myself and watch my siblings have a wonderful time. _Excellent_

I stood there against the wall awkwardly for a long time assessing the atmosphere. It was so crowded in here that I glad that I had learned how to block my gift. I didn't want an onslaught of 1,000 plus voices swimming in my head. Now all I could here was the infectious music and my own lonesome thoughts.

I watched the others dance. I was, for the most part, utterly alone. There was no one along the wall I was leaning against except me. I felt really odd, like I was encroaching on other people's business as I watched them gyrate against each other. People were all over each other- groping and laughing. I almost felt violated watching them, but no one really seemed to care except me.

I continued to watch the crowd when my eyes found a figure at the opposite end of the club. She was petite and looked quite apprehensive. Like me, she was standing alone on the opposite wall and looked as if she was very uncomfortable being here. My sudden interest in her didn't fail to escape me and I soon found myself staring solely at her.

She was rocking back and forth on her heels and she would roll them upwards so that she was standing on her toes. She would then scan the massive crowd of people before coming back down and glancing awkwardly around her. Her mannerisms were so endearing and I wished desperately that it was light enough in the club that I could have seen her face. I found myself longing to catch a glimpse of her, but she was so far in the shadows that the strobe lights never hit her face.

I watched her for a long time as she rocked back and forth scanning the crowd. She was so small and so alone that I instantly had this strong sense of protection over her. Whenever someone would get close to her, I would feel a growl bubble up in my chest and would want to cross the room to remove the man from her.

Then I realized what was happening.

My mind raged an internal war over this woman. I was feeling overly protective over her just as I had with my Bella. This thought pierced me through the heart and I had to force myself not to look at the small woman for a moment. How could I be feeling this? How could I disrespect Bella's memory by finding this woman so attractive without even seeing or meeting her? How could I have even considered approaching or watching this woman?

My heart began to ache desperately as I was being emotionally torn apart. I wanted so badly to approach this woman and yet I couldn't. I couldn't because I didn't want to disrepute my Bella's memory by being attached to this other woman. I didn't want to hurt her that way. No matter where Bella was, she would always be mine and I could never begin another relationship or feel the same way about any other woman that the way I did Bella.

And yet my feet propelled me towards this anonymous woman despite my minds frantic pleas otherwise. I wanted to meet her and yet I wanted to run away. I wanted to see her face and yet I wanted to curse her existence. My thoughts were so jumbled and my tongue was tied in such knots that when I reached this mysterious woman at the other end of the room I could only manage, "Hi."

She glanced over shoulder at me for only a split second before continuing her rocking motion. "Hello."

I watched her more closely now. Her hair was loose and curled down to her waist. She stood on the tips of her toes for the umpteenth time scanning the crowd for something unknown before letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Hi." I yelled for the second time over the booming speakers. I mentally berated myself for being so utterly lame.

She turned to me once more, a glass in hand and actually took me in. I could see her eyes sparkling in the darkness and I couldn't help but think to myself that they were very beautiful. She hesitated before answering with an, "Hello, again."

"Are you looking for someone?" I sputtered, embarrassed with my lack of anything better to say. Was I truly this socially awkward?

The young woman before me traced the rim of the glass she was holding, watching her finger as she did so. "Yeah, I'm supposed to be meeting someone tonight."

"Can I help you at all?"

She looked up from her glass, her hand stilled by my words. I had the fiercest urge to kiss her. "Um… thank you, but no."

"Are you positive?" I questioned. I wasn't willing to let this woman go so quickly.

She nodded in the darkness. "Yeah. I think I should find him myself."

Oh. A him. I felt a sudden blow to my heart as I realized that this beautiful young woman was waiting for another man. I had lost before I had even begun, and yet her response didn't hinder me from being ever so persistent. "Could I at least keep you occupied while you're waiting for him? Would you care to dance?"

"Oh!" she uttered in surprise. I think she had supposed that by denying me the option of helping her find this man that I would nod my head and walk away dejectedly. It is what I should have done, but I was too set on holding this woman in my arms. "That's very kind of you, but I really think…"

Tentatively, I reached out and touched her shoulder. "Come on," I smiled. "I'm sure whoever you're looking for can spare you for one dance. And who knows, maybe he's waiting for you on the dance floor." Was I some sort of whack-o stalker, or what?

She kept her eyes on my face for a long while before she placed her glass on the table next to us and sighed. "Alright."

Her response took me by surprise. Whoever this girl was, was strikingly beautiful- I could tell just from the way her voice sounded to my ears. She was gorgeous and yet she was alone and defiantly frightened. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to know her.

I offered my hand to her and she took it willingly. I led her to the dance floor slowly, relishing the feel of another's touch. After years of being alone, it felt exhilarating being able to hold a warm hand and see a gentle smile. I watched as the girl's shadow moved with me and wished beyond wishes that I could have seen her face.

"Who are you looking for?" I yelled over the music.

"I'm supposed to be meeting an old friend tonight. I haven't seen him in a while." She answered a little too quickly for my liking. Who was this friend? Why hadn't she seen him in a long time? What was his importance to her?

"That is interesting," I responded. With much dismay I realized how jealous I sounded of this man. "Why didn't you meet up before coming here tonight?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but before she ever got the chance to, all the lights in the club flickered out. What the…? The music stopped playing and everyone cried out in protest. Power outage. Damnit! "Hey! You still there?" I asked hopefully. Please say yes, please say yes.

"Yeah!" she called back in a frightened tone. "What happened?"

I shrugged, but it was so dark in the small enclosed space, I knew she wouldn't have been able to see it. "I'm guessing power outage." I wanted to keep her with me as long as possible. Her voice was intoxicating and I realized for the first time that I had not thought of Bella for hours. "Hey, I know you're looking for an old friend tonight, but there is no way that a power outage this big will be fixed in a few minutes. There is no way that you'll ever be able to find him now. I think were royally screwed." I laughed. "Do you want to come out with me? We could go back to my place for a while and get some food." Holy shit, was I some sort of creeper?

"Um…" She was defiantly hesitant and I didn't really blame her. But dear God I hope she accepted. Her voice was so beautiful and her presence filled me with such wonderful emotions that I was not ready to relinquish her. "I don't know… um, okay, I guess I could for a little while. Then I have to get going." Hope bubble in my chest for the first time in years as I extended my hand out to her and watched her graciously take it.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. With my free hand, I seized it and saw that Emmett had called me twice. "Yeah?"

"Hey, bro, we were looking for you but it was so dark. We took off. We're going hunting for a bit I'm so hungry. We'll meet you at home."

"Okay, sounds good." I shut my phone. Wonderful. Now I could be alone with this voice. I was becoming some sort of wacko stalker. I had just met her and not even seen her face… I knew she was pretty though. Sometimes you just _know_.

"Who was that?" the melodic voice asked.

"My brother. He and his friends are going on a hunting trip and wanted to call and let me know they were leaving."

I could hear the surprise in her voice, "Oh, where does he hunt?"

Uh… great. What to say? "Everywhere really, boy just loves to hunt." I laughed. At least it wasn't a total lie… "I swear I think he has part animal in him sometimes."

She suddenly laughed. I nearly died right then there. It was so beautiful, like the soft tinkling of bells during winter. I needed to get to know this young woman, she was so endearing. Hope bubbled in my chest. Maybe I could be happy again. Really, truly happy. I knew I was getting ahead of myself. I hadn't even seen the woman, but her laugh was enough to make me wild. I hoped she would stay for a bit longer than a little while.


	8. You Remind Me of a Once Upon A Time

**Thank you so much AnEmotionalVampire, Pixie Cut, chole miranda, 3, Iscratchandbite, makenamierta, twlightfan213, sarahshapeps, JiHaN101, 2KAZUMA, randomsillycullen, Aurora C., 1214, The Plasma, and twiligher021 for adding me to your alerts/favorites!! It is so honoring to me!! :)**

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**ForeverOurs- Edward really does need a flashlight. I saw we get him one for his car :)**

**1214- I'm glad you are enjoying my story!! I really hope to hear more from you soon! **

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**Iscratchandbite- Here is another chapter for you!! :) Enjoy!**

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**Chapter Eight**

Two words: power outage. I'm not just talking about those little shit outages that cause a break in the electrical current for a few minutes, no. I'm talking about full-fledged-all-electricity-off outage. I was glad that my mystery woman had accepted my hand, for as I stepped outside I realized it was just as dark, if not darker in the cold night air than it was in the club. There were no stars and no moon- no form of light whatsoever. Not even the _streetlights_ were operating.

The two of us stumbled around like blind mice attempting to seize the cheese as our prize. It took us a good twenty minutes to decipher which car was mine even as I incessantly continued to press the car alarm button on my keys. I _would_ park at the opposite end of the lot. Figures.

I opened the passenger door for her before I made my way to the driver's seat. I inwardly cursed myself for not getting the lights in my car fixed from one of my previous rants. I had smashed the wiring for the head and dashboard lights about fifteen years earlier and never had the will power to change them. I muttered a few expletives under my voice that I hoped she wouldn't notice before I revved the engine and drove off.

"So, what's the deal? Are you like a bat or something?" The melodic voice questioned, her voice filled with mirth.

"Um… I'm sorry what?" SHIT!

She let out a small giggle which made me melt insane. I wanted to reach over and grab her hand, but how much more of a creepy vampire stalker could I be? I had basically seduced her into coming home with me so I could do what…? "No!" another set of giggles erupted from her lips. "I just meant that your car is so… mysterious. Dark-tinted windows, no lights, what's up?"

The sirens in my head began to go off. I began asking myself if this girl was honestly sane. Everything she had mentioned my car _was_, was something a crazy psycho killer would most likely possess. They would also lure in their prey before they killed them, but I didn't see death in my future. Alice would have told me. "In all honestly, I broke them. It was a while ago and I haven't had the time to replace them, I'm sorry if it portrays me as a tremendous creep."

Her only response was a laugh, and believe me, that was a response enough.

"So, if we're going to play twenty questions, what about you?" I countered, asking the same question she had asked me mere seconds before. "Who's this person you were waiting for?" I was surprised to find myself jealous. My chest tightened and my hands clenched tighter to the black steering wheel. It was official: Edward Cullen was an insane.

The atmosphere in the car altered dramatically and I could openly sense her fear and anxiousness in her emotions. She was hesitating. She didn't want to answer my question, but tonight I was not a gentleman. I refused to take back my question. I was more curious and willing to learn about this young woman that I had been in more than a century. I needed to know what my competition was.

"Oh…"She began, still cautious, "I mean, he's… nice."

I snorted and laughed aloud. 'Oh… nice.'? Come on now! I laughed openly before answering with the ever so gentleman-like comment, "Lame."

"It's…. it's just difficult is all." She responded a little too quickly to conceal her faux pas. In the shadows of the road, I watched her wring her hands in stress. "I just… don't want to bore you with details, really."

I smiled, my heart sinking. I felt sorry for this poor creature. Whoever she was talking about must have had a large and not so enjoyable impact in her life if she refused to speak of him. I smiled sadly, the corners of my lips twitching upward with remorse of bringing up the subject. I kept my eyes solely on the road looking for the correct exit as a whispered a quiet, "I won't press the issue. I apologize."

"It's okay." She answered in the same quiet tone, fiddling with the rings on her thin fingers.

We continued the rest of our drive in silence, she fiddling with her rings and I watching the road intently. I was quite taken by surprise with how much this young woman reminded me of Bella. She was petite, sweet, and possessed all the same characteristics of my once upon a time lover. I had to bite my tongue from actually making the mistake of calling her Bella on more than one occasion and inwardly berated myself for it. If I didn't seem like a lunatic enough, I'm sure this young woman would have thrown herself from my car if I whispered another woman's name into the darkness. And so, for the remainder of the ride I bit my tongue in desperate hopes that I would say no more until we reached our destination, but of course, I being my curious and slightly obsessed self, opened my mouth once more. "Are you hungry?"

She shook her head just as we were pulling into the driveway of our grandiose house. "No, I'm alright." I heard her stomach grumble slightly before she let out a silent oath, pressing her hands over her belly in an attempt to suppress the sound. She glanced up at me quickly in hopes that I didn't hear her stomach's protest to her words. "Bad stomach."

I laughed loudly as I made my way around the car to the passenger seat and opened the door. "It seems as if that little bear in your belly is saying otherwise. Come on; let's get you something to eat, dear."

She took the hand I had offered her, but as her fingers wrapped around my hand, she pulled me back to her slightly before saying, "Really, I'm fine. I ate before I went to the club. My stomach is just queasy, I swear. I don't want to put you out. Don't go through any trouble for me."

I smiled warmly. This young woman was the sweetest I had encountered in years. She was so genuinely sincere that I had to rub my thumb across the soft skin on the back of her tiny hand. She was beautiful. It didn't matter that I had not seen her face. Beauty emanates from deep within and she was gorgeous. Her beauty, at that precise moment, was outshining everything around her. "Don't you worry, darling. It's no trouble at all. Getting you something to eat is defiantly no trouble of mine. What kind of host would I be if I didn't comply with your stomach's insistent demands?"

She giggled softly placing a hand on her stomach, "Only if you're sure. I really wouldn't want to be a burden. I really hate that…"

"I've never been surer in my life."

---

I thanked heaven that my family liked to keep up appearances. I had been praying as we made our way to the kitchen that there was something, _anything_ in the refrigerator that I could possibly feed this young girl. When I found the ice box completely full I nearly collapsed in relief. Chicken, beans, eggs, fully cooked and refrozen meals, _everything_. I was stunned and yet curiously skeptical. Why such the array of what I hoped to be delectable foods? My only thought was that Alice had seen that we would have a visitor and decided to restock. Yes, that was it- it must be.

The young girl and I made ourselves plates before taking it up into my room. She had piled her plate high with a slab of Sheppard's pie that was frozen for a later use. I had snagged an orange from the bowl on our island, stating that I had eaten a hearty dinner before leaving to go to the club. I was surprised that she had believed my blatant lie, and I was even more taken aback considering she was willing to eat the meat pie somewhat cold. She stated that she would like it either way and considering there was no electricity whatsoever, that half frozen and chunky would have to do. The refrigerator wasn't working so it wasn't as frozen as it would have otherwise been.

We sat on the floor of my bedroom, she devouring her makeshift dinner while I distractedly peeled the juicy orange in my hands watching her. "I can't believe you went to the club by yourself. Do you know how many guys would have attempted to take advantage of you?"

She only snorted her mouth full of Sheppard's pie as we sat in the complete darkness. "Yeah, _okay_. I mean…" She swallowed the mouthful of food she had shoved into her mouth. "I _know_ it's dangerous and whatever, but no one would be interested in me. I'm not very attractive, I should probably warn you, you know before the lights go back on and everything."

At her rough self-criticism, I suddenly became furious. How could she say something like that? "Why would you think that? I haven't seen you, yes, but I can tell that you are beautiful. Exquisiteness only runs skin deep, but you are lovely on the inside and that's what matters the most, isn't it?"

She laughed, "Such deep words for someone who hasn't even seen my face yet."

"I'm being serious." I was also having a hard time controlling my temper. How _dare_ she say something like that? She was gorgeous. I knew she must be! The way her voice gently reached my ears, how it reverberated with mirth when she laughed. It was so harmonious and serene. She was beautiful and I would never allow her to convince me otherwise. "Clubs are dangerous. I could have been some sort of monster that picked you up to seduce you and then rape you."

"Well, then I'm just glad that you are just a bat." She laughed before taking another bite of the frost-ridden chunky pie.

"Why are you taking this matter so carelessly?" I was beginning to get furious. She was insurmountably attractive, kind, and was probably small enough to be easily thrown into a backseat of a car and taken advantage of. "I'm surprised your parent's allowed you to go by yourself. It was a very unwise choice."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing I don't have any parents then, right _Dad_?" There was defiantly an unmistakable edge to her voice.

The room went completely silent and I suddenly realized how far I had put my foot into my mouth. I stared at her and she stared back at me, her eyes never wavering, but I could see the tears forming in her shining eyes. I could only sit there, watching her dumbly. How could I have said something so carelessly? But then again, how would I have known she was an orphan? I had only met her a few hours ago, but yet it felt like I had known her for years. I felt like I should have known this information.

"I…" I stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence in my state of shock. "I'm so sorry."

She broke our unwavering gaze as she looked down at her food once more. She began picking at the meat and peas, twirling it around and making designs with it. I watched as she shrugged her shoulders before taking another bite of her makeshift meal.

I leaned forward, placing my hand upon her shoulder, whispering, "Hey… look at me. I'm so sorry. I had no idea…"

I suddenly felt her shoulders begin to shake and I realized that she was crying. I moved her plate to the side before taking her in my arms and rocking her gently. At first she attempted to push me away, but I would not hear of it. She hated being the martyr and I despised myself for being the one throwing stones. I had to fix my wrongs; I would not let her go. Eventually the tension in her body loosened as she choked back her tears. "I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry."

"It's okay," she answered, her voice barely above a whisper. I knew what she was doing. She was making her voice as quiet as humanly possible to conceal her quivering voice. Bella had used that strategy many times when… The hole in my heart ripped open at the thought of her name. "There's no way you could have known. I'm just sorry I got snippy with you." Her voice hitched and went an octave higher.

"No, it's not alright." I croaked. "I shouldn't have even brought up the topic in the first place. I… I should have been more sensitive to your feelings. I just that… it's been so long since I've had a real conversation and I lost someone very dear to me because of a stupid mistake." I didn't realize until too late that I was crying too. Our pain intertwined and we held each other for support. I cradled her head to my chest, stroking her long, soft hair. She wrapped her arms around my middle and clung to me.

Our tears mixed and I found myself cradling her delicate face in my hands, my forehead resting upon hers. Our breaths were abnormal, too quick and uneven. She took handfuls of my button down in her delicate hands, her body pressed precariously close to mine.

Her eyes were dark: the shade I could not tell in the blanket of shadow that surrounded us, but they were dark and deep. Her lips were calling to me; two tiny voluptuous lips begging to be kissed. I hesitated. Did I want to dishonor Bella's memory by kissing a woman I had met only hours before in the heat of the moment? Did I want to hurt her that way? My mind raged a war upon itself as I held the petit frame in my arms refusing to let go.

My lips were trembling, poised inches from her own. I wanted so desperately to feel again. I wanted to steal her lips in a gentle kiss. I wanted to remember the feel of another person holding you and wanting you in turn. I trembled as my mind continued to process everything. Feel or dishonor? Love or hate?

I felt her hot, sweet breath against my face as she let out a lungful of air I had not realized she was holding in. She began to tense slightly in my arms and I knew I had to act quickly, but before I could make my decision, she made it for me. "I… I should really go now."

I tightened my grip upon her, desperate. She couldn't leave now. She couldn't leave me. "Are you sure?"

She nodded against my forehead. "Yeah, I'm supposed to be meeting someone important tonight, remember?"

"How will you get to where you need to go?" I asked, seeking any means of keeping her with me longer.

She began to press her palms against my chest in a plea to be released. "There are bus systems all over the place, don't worry. I know my way around town fine."

Reluctantly I released her cursing myself for not making a decision earlier. If only I could have held her a little longer… I sighed, standing and holding my hand out to her. She took it, for the fourth time that night. I was astonished that she hadn't commented on how cold my marble skin was. It made me wish I would have kissed her all the more.

The young girl stood and brushed off her dress. She went to bend and retrieve the plate she had left on the floor, but I stopped her. I would take care of it. It would give me something to distract myself by once she had left and I was alone once more.

She smiled gently, almost sadly, as she retrieved her jacket that was lying on my bed. She threw it over her slim shoulders and began fastening the difficult buttons on her grey pea coat. "Thanks so much for the hospitality. I really appreciated it, and I'm sorry if I put you through any trouble. It was unintentional." She smiled one last time before she turned and made her way to the threshold.

Panic surged through me. I couldn't lose her. I didn't even know her name! "Wait!" I called to her, extending my arm and praying she would turn to look at me.

My prayers were answered as she turned gently, carefully to face me. "Mhm?"

"Will I ever see you again?" I had never asked such an oxymoronic question in my entire life.

She took a step back and she now had one foot outside my door. She was leaving and I couldn't stop her. "I don't know. I'm sorry, but thank you again."

I nodded dejectedly, a gesture I'm sure she failed to notice. I could hear her footsteps taking the stairs. I sighed, heavily and dark as I made my way to my bed. She was gone and was never…. I stopped. I could no longer hear her footsteps. She had paused somewhere on the stairs. Oh God! Another chance! She turned and she was taking the steps two at a time. She was coming back to me!

"Hey!" She whispered, slightly out of breath and clutching to my doorframe. The rumble of thunder sounded somewhere off in the distance. Hope bubbled in my chest. "I'm sorry I hadn't asked you this before, but what's your name?"

"Edward."

She stumbled forward as a gasp escaped her lips. I took a quick step towards her hoping she had not lost her footing on my floor and hurt herself. Outside, a crack of lighting illuminated the sky. My room lit up in the darkness and for the first time I saw her.

A cold rush of air hit the back of my throat.

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	9. Call To Me: Alive

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**Chapter Nine**

A loud crack of thunder boomed somewhere far off in the distance before the lights flickered on ominously overhead. Where she had once stood was empty space. She was gone. Gone... I let out a roar of indescribable pain. Did the Heavenly Father really hate me this much? Did he really despise me so much as to send an apparition of the woman I have loved for over a century just to taunt my slowly healing heart? Was it necessary to mock me in such a way? Her touch, her soft voice, her selflessness. It was all so real! How could I have judged my sanity in such a way?

"Why God?" I moaned, throwing my head backwards and extending my arms out to my sides. "Take me now! If you are going to torture me, then just take me now damnit!" I took the vase resting on desk next to me and threw it across the room violently. I was livid, but not with God, with myself.

Fury was then coursing through my veins. I was trembling. How could I have been so stupid? She had been dead for 100 years. What would make me think that she had come back to me even for a moment, and moreover, how could I have felt any feelings towards a woman that I barely even knew? I had met her in a bar and asked her to dance. Was I really just talking to air? Was she just a figment of my own distorted imagination? I must have looked like some damned fool!

I let out another cry of pain before I felt something warm on my ankle. It was soft like a warm breeze on the first day of spring. I felt pressure against the back of my knee and the bottom of my thigh. The pressure got tighter before I had the will to look down. For the second time in one night I had to stumble backwards for two gorgeous chocolate eyes were staring back up at me. She had been holding to my leg.

"Edward," she croaked, holding her arms up to me from her kneeling position. "Edward, look at me, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" She was sobbing; her real, human tears were tracing fine lines down her delicate features as my apparition pleaded with me. "I'm real. I'm here."

I dropped to my knees before her. Could it be?

Shaking fiercely, my cold hands found her face tentatively. The warmth of her skin burned my cold marble hand. I traced my trembling thumb across her soft, rose-colored lips. I realized I was breathing heavily, but more importantly, I was _breathing_. She was here, I was caressing her porcelain skin in my hands, and I was breathing. I let out a strangled sob of joy as everything began to register. She wrapped her petit hands around my forearms and sighed. "Bella…?"

"Edward…" she whispered looking up at my face that was stained with my mysterious tears, "Edward, I'm here." She threw her arms around my neck. I felt the light weight upon my body as she rested her arms there. "Edward, I'm here, look. It's me." She was crying now as she moved closer to me. She stopped as she witnessed my tears. Slowly as to not frighten me, she pressed her lip to a glistening tear that had made its slow trek down my cheek and kissed it away with her lips. "You're crying…"

I moaned, shaking, as words failed me. I crushed her body to my own. The contours of her figure were the same as I had remembered; she fit my body perfectly. My hands traveled up and down her being, trying to make sense of everything. My tears increased as I buried my face in her mahogany hair, my hands quivering ferociously as they entangled themselves in her soft tresses. Her smell, oh God, her smell! I had to do everything in my power not to hurt her as I pressed my nose to her warm neck. So intoxicating, so beautiful, all mine.

As I rested my head upon her shoulder, my hands fondled awkwardly with the difficult buttons on her grey pea coat. I needed the all-knowing proof. I needed to hear her heart beat. The first set of buttons were undone and finally the second. I pushed the jacket from her shoulders gently, watching as she shrugged it away.

With my nose, I caressed the skin on her neck, taking in her scent once more before I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her so she was no longer resting her weight on her heels. I pressed my ear against her chest, my arms wrapped protectively about her tiny waist pulling her closer to me. She sighed and enfolded my head in her arms, running her fingers through my unruly hair. I could hear it. I could _hear_ it! The soft, rhythmic thump reverberated in my ear sending me into a whirlwind of emotion. It whispered to me: alive, alive, alive.

I cried out in yearning as I tightened my grip upon her. She threw her arms around me, pulling me upwards so that I was now staring into her eyes, as I quaked with joy. "Bella," I sobbed, caressing her cheeks with my thumbs.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry…" She was shaking with her tears. Long strands of her hair became tangled and stuck to her face, but she paid them no heed. She never broke her gaze from mine.

I caught her face in my hands, "Bella. My life, my love, how have you come back to me? How has God given me this second chance? How…"

She only clung to me tighter, her voice cracking with unshed sobs, shaking her head as she interrupted. "Shh, Edward, don't say anything. Just hold me now."

I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was real, she was alive! Our eye contact never broke as I cupped her face within my hands. She looked so delicate. She was such a gentle creature and I suddenly became fully aware of how easily breakable she was. Memories flooded back to me. She was in the hospital after hitting her head on the pavement, her leg was in a cast, her wrist was broken. I looked deep into her eyes trying to unlock the hidden mystery that was my Bella once more.

How had she come back? How had she found me? How does she remember?

I pressed my palms against her cheeks and lowered my face to claim her lips with my own. Oh, how wonderful would it feel to taste her again! Her kisses, those gentle glimpses of heaven I had only dreamed about for so long, were going to be my reality. My lips grazed her rosy pink mouth and I became ravenous. My kisses were rough and demanding and I knew that I was probably hurting her, but I couldn't control myself. She pressed her small frame closer to my body, answering my kisses with as much ferocity as I felt as she threw her arms around my neck.

My wandering hands traveled from her soft, luscious mahogany locks I so remembered down her neck, over her shoulders until my hands were at her waist. She was real. She was alive. She was mine and I would never let her go. Not again.

---

Bella had fallen asleep in my arms that night. I had held her in the soft glow of the lamp on my bedside table. Her head started to become heavy on my chest and I touched her arm gently whispering in her ear. I gave her an over-sized shirt and some sweatpants she could change into to be more comfortable. I left the room to give her privacy to change, but also so my thoughts could roam and ponder all the questions swimming in my mind.

My Bella. _My_ Bella. Confusion clouded my thoughts. How could my darling be back in my arms? I had lost her a century ago; she had died because of a stupid action I had made. I would forever beat myself for that damned mistake, but she was back. She was back and she remembered- everything. She had held me and told me everything was alright. She had whispered that she would not leave me and that she was real. Bella _was_ real. I had kissed her and she had responded. She clung to me as I held her…

A small knock on the door pulled me from my pondering. The large oak door creaked open to reveal my Bella in my sweats staring sheepishly up at me. She yawned before smiling her brilliant, dazzling smile. My breath caught in my throat as I watched her. Oh, Lord, she was more beautiful than ever.

I smiled before scooping her into my strong, cold arms and laying her on my bed. She was exhausted. I could see the dark rings of fatigue clouding her eyes and bruising her gentle face. I buried her in my covers, settling her in before I lied on top of the bed next to her. She would need the protection of the warm blankets as a shield against my marble skin if I was to hold her.

"Edward…" she whispered as she gazed up at me through her sleepy eyes.

I smiled down at her, kissing the top of her forehead. "Yes, my darling?"

"I'm so glad I found you." And with that my lovely Bella drifted into a peaceful slumber.

It was glory holding her in my arms again. I pressed my face into her hair and took a deep breath. She smelled delicious, just as I had remembered. Freesia and a hint of lavender. I moaned, pulling her sleeping form closer to my aching body. I held her for hours stroking her long, luscious hair and placing small kisses upon her brow. I cuddled her as she slept, and I never felt more at home.

As the moon hit its highest point in the sky, Bella stirred and began to get up out of bed. Panic seized my body and I clung to her waist, pulling her back onto the bed. She laughed as she bounced on the mattress from the force I exerted upon her body. She continued her giggling before I pulled her into me and whispered, "Where do you think you're going?"

She chuckled, turning to look at me. Her laughter was wiped clear off her face as her eyes met mine. I was not joking, I was truly frightened. Would she leave? Run away? I couldn't bear it if she were to leave forever, subjecting me to my lonesome, suicidal life once more. Apparently my emotions danced right across my face for she took it gently between her hands and smiled. "Edward, I was just going to find the bathroom."

"Bathroom?"

Bella just looked at me, her left eyebrow twitching upwards before she erupted in laughter. She rolled onto her side, shaking furiously with laughter, her hands pressed upon her bladder. "Oh, Edward! You're face!" She sighed, still shaking with laughter. "I really have to use the bathroom, Edward. Remember, still human?" She smiled and pointed to her heart. "I mean, unless you want me to make a mess of this bed…"

Bella smiled and I couldn't help but laugh with her. "Come here," I whispered taking her into my arms and kissing her brow. "How is it that you came back to me, Bella?"

Her smile, which was prominent only moments before, faded until it was just a twitch of her lips. She placed her palms against my chest and arched upward to meet my lips in a gentle kiss. "I made a bargain with Fate." With that she smiled, one that did not reach her eyes, and left for the bathroom. As I watched her retreating back I felt a horrible, sinking feeling of dread.

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	10. Under My Skin Is Where You Now Live

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**Ruben deFlash- Hi there! I hope I cleared everything up for you in the PM! :) Hope to hear from you soon! Thanks for the review!**

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**icrodriguez- Well hello again dearie! :) Not only are you beasting at this game of trying to guess all the changes I've made, but you're also bringing up some very good points. For one this, yes, Alice did say decoy... but that is all I can say. :) I hope you liked the way Edward was pulled towards Bella a little better. I know we both had an issue with that and I tried to resolve it the best way I could. The good stuff is coming up now! And I have to say that I've change a whole lot. I basically rewrote this chapter because I found something interesting in my original that I wanted to play off of, so here we go! Enjoy!! :)**

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**Chapter Ten**

Unfortunately, I did not get that precious moment to ask Bella what she had been talking about.

As I waited in my room I pondered her words. _"I made a bargain with Fate."_ What did that even mean? Who was Fate and what was this bargain? Not to toot my own horn, but I usually am very good at deciphering cryptic meanings, but tonight all thought failed me. I wracked my brain for answers; _anything_ that would allow me to understand. I was however, only privy to selective information, so answers were few and very far between. This would have to be something Bella would have to explain, for I could not decipher what her connotation was.

I had been planning on casually bringing up the subject when she returned to me, but not fifteen minutes was she gone before I heard a scream from downstairs. I jumped frantically from the bed and took the stairs two at a time before I came upon Alice jumping up and down, screaming like a maniac.

My pixie sister had thrown her arms around Bella and held her in a grip like a vice. Alice's smile threatening to rip her face in half as Bella laughed along with her, clutching her in return. "Bella! Bella! I knew you were coming back! I could see it! I missed you so much! I thought this day would never come!" Alice gave my love another hug. "I knew for sixteen years you would be coming back to us!"

Alice knew? For sixteen years my sister knew Bella was coming back and didn't tell me?! I could feel fury rising up in my veins. For a century I contemplated suicide. For sixteen years I have been wondering what Alice meant when she told Emmett and Jasper she didn't have time to put in place Bella's decoy tombstone. For sixteen years Alice was a snake. "Alice! You never told me…!"

Alice glanced my way, a knowing smile upon her lips. She had planned this night. She had seen Bella at the club. She had lied to me for sixteen years. "Edward, I'm sorry. You were just getting so much better after the grave…" she paused. "accident… and I just wanted you to become well again. If you would have gotten worse I swear I would have told you! I wanted it to be a surprise! I knew everything was going to be okay. I kept tabs on it for a long time. The only thing I didn't see was the missing tombstone, but that was it."

Bella turned her head to face me, her eyebrows furrowed and her head cocked to one side. "Wait, Alice, what? Missing tombstone?"

Alice released Bella, looking down awkwardly. I too became very uncomfortable as I ran my fingers through my tussled hair. "Well, when we moved back from Siberia sixteen years ago, we were living in Salem, Massachusetts and Edward wanted to go back to Forks to visit your grave." I coughed awkwardly to signal to Alice that I wanted this conversation to be over, but she didn't seem to take the hint. "Your tombstone was gone and so were all your living records…"

"… That's weird…" Bella mumbled prior to blanching white before turning a furious shade of crimson. She looked down at her bare feet that barely poked out of the over-sized sweatpants she had borrowed from me. She ran the big toe on her left foot back and forth on the hardwood floor. I could tell she felt uncomfortable, but I didn't truly understand why. If anything, I was the one that should be blushing up to the high heavens. If Alice would have said anything more, it really would have compromised my fight for composure.

There was a long silence. A silence in which Alice and I both watched Bella rather closely. She was fidgety and wouldn't look us straight in the eye. Alice shot a questioning glance at me, but I could only respond with a shrug of my shoulders. I had no idea what was going through her mind either.

"What's weird, Bella?" I asked slowly, attempting to pry any information out of her.

She opened her mouth to respond, but the rest of my rambunctious family came bursting through the front door. "BELLA!" Emmett ran through the entrance, scooping my delicate Bella in his arms and swinging her around in circles as she burst into a fit of hysterics. "What's up pipsqueak?!" The big lug set my darling back on the ground, both of them laughing. I couldn't help but feel annoyed. Neither could Alice.

"Emmett! I missed you!" Bella exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck. "My big brother!" Bella backed up, tripping over a leg of a chair, stumbling backwards. I caught her around the waist before she could, fall securing her to my hip. Emmett erupted in peals of laughter.

"You haven't changed a bit, you midge!" Emmett boomed, pulling Rosalie to his side. "Rose, say hi."

Rosalie shifted uneasily, curling a strand of long, blond hair around her right index finger. From her thoughts I could immediately tell that she did not want to greet Bella, but after a painful nudge from her husband, Rosalie mumbled an insincere welcome. It didn't bother me much, nor did it bother Bella. Rosalie was a bitch anyway.

Carlisle and Esme rushed forward, both taking Bella in their arms and welcoming her home. Esme was crying as she handed Bella a small package. In the petit box were three old and yellow photographs; photographs that I knew well. When I had left Bella a century ago, I had put these exact photographs underneath the floorboards so that I would leave a piece of me with her while I was gone. Esme was the only one I told about those pictures. She must have uncovered them once Alice had told her that Bella was coming home.

It was an emotional greeting. Bella seemed to forget about the sense of awkwardness she felt as she laughed and wrestled Emmett. I watched the scene play out before my eyes and Alice came to stand next to me. The two of us stood against the wall watching and Bella blossomed once more and reveled in the way she interacted with my family, but the dread I had felt earlier weighed heavily upon my soul.

"Edward, something is wrong." Alice whispered, never breaking her gaze off of Bella and Emmett's game. Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper roared with laughter as Emmett allowed Bella to throw him to the ground and step of his stomach.

I nodded, smiling on the outside. Bella glance in my direction and beamed. I responded to her smile by blowing her a kiss before sighing, "I know."

I turned my head to look at Alice and her face reflected my own. Fear. "There is something she isn't telling us, Edward. It's making me very nervous."

I pressed my lips together, nodding slowly. Ever since Bella had told me she made a bargain with Fate I knew something was not right. I didn't know what the circumstances were, nor did I know anything that was not told to me, but I knew that I was skeptical. "I know."

My conversation was interrupted when Bella ran up to me, her hair all askew. She took my hand, laughing the whole while. I turned to look at her smile threatened to undo me. I could do nothing but beam back at my Bella as she pulled me into her game, but in the back of my mind her ominous remark swam. "_I made a bargain with Fate…"_

---

Bella sat perched upon my lap. I held her upon my knees, caressing her hair and neck. I couldn't get enough of the gorgeous being perched upon my knees. Her body was soft and her laugh was infectious. My eyes and hands seemed to be glued to her. She didn't seem to mind, in fact, she would glance over her shoulder whenever there was a pause in conversation to look at me. My breath caught with every glance.

All of us talked with Bella for hours. Alice and I continued to shoot each other questioning glances, but neither of us had the gall to sway the conversation the way we wished it to go. It was nearly noon before Bella checked the clock on the wall for the time. "Oh Esme!" Bella cried. "Thank you so much for your hospitality! I'm so sorry that I must go though. I don't want to overstay my welcome."

She stood and I instantly grabbed her wrist, begging her with my eyes to stay with me. Esme jumped up, crossing the room in two strides, taking Bella's shoulders in her cold hands. "Bella, dear Bella, you could never overstay your welcome. We would love it if you stayed with us, if it's okay with your parents."

Bella smiled sadly before answering, "Esme, you don't know how much I would love that, but I don't know if that is a good idea."

My mother released Bella's hands and her gaze drifted to her knees as my heart bottomed out and shattered around my feet. Our thoughts were filled with questions unanswered and plagued with hurt. Was Bella still healing from when we left her all those years ago? Why didn't she want to stay? Are we being too pushy?

Apparently Bella had seen Esme's downtrodden expression and quickly corrected her faux pas. "Oh no, Esme! Please don't think that I don't want to stay with you. In fact, I would love to stay! It's just that… well…"

She looked up and met each of our unwavering glances. "I would give anything to stay here, really, I would! It's just that things are really hard right now… I'm sorry. You understand, don't you?"

My hold upon her waist tightened as Alice and Esme's faces dropped. She was not leaving me. What would I do? How would I last the day knowing she was alive, but I was not with her? "Can Bella and I have a moment alone please?" I managed to whisper. I needed to talk sense into my love. She was_ not_ leaving. My family cleared out, their inner voices whispering good lucks to me as I held to Bella's waist like a vice.

Once they were gone, I turned her around on my lap so that she was facing me. "Bella," I said, my voice quivering yet hard with my decision. "You must stay here."

Bella took my face in her delicate hands and pressed a tender kiss upon my brow. "I'm sorry Edward, I can't. God, I wish I could. The hours away from you will be torture…"

I pulled her body into mine so that her small frame was crushed to mine. "No Bella." I was taken aback by the harshness of my tone. "You can't leave me… not again. Not after I've found you again. Not after I held you in my arms last night! Bella! Please, don't leave me." I could feel the tears of fear stinging my eyes.

She wrapped her legs around my chest and her arms around my neck, clinging to me with all her strength. "I'm not leaving you Edward, I promise I… promise." I was so preoccupied with her body pressed so close to mine that I failed to notice her slight pause.

"Bella," I moaned, burying my face into the crook of her neck and inhaling deeply. Oh God she smelt delicious! "What will I do without you? I need you with me."

She tightened her embrace. "I go to the high school around here, you could come and pick me up after school…?" She offered, allowing me the liberty of gently kissing her neck from her earlobe to her collarbone. She giggled: it was beautiful.

I clung to her. I wished so desperately that I could read her mind and know exactly what was going on in her head. I wished beyond anything that Bella would look me in the eye and tell me that she was never going to leave this house. I wished that she would tell me everything she was trying so desperately to keep inside. I knew, however, that all this wishing was in vain.


	11. Your Wish is Not My Command

**Thank you to all my reviewers and alerters. I can't even express to you how much it means to me. They are what keep me going.**

**Shououts:**

**1214- Yeah, she is still human but that is all I can really tell you! Sorry! :) Thank you for the review, darling! I hope to hear from you soon! :)**

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**Biankis- I thank you very much for your opinion. The last chapter wasn't meant to make sense and I purposely made Bella child-like. I am aware of everything you have reviewed about and I appreciate your honestly with me, but everything I wrote was intentional. It will be cleared up in later chapters. Thanks for the review. Hope to hear from you soon.**

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**Chapter Eleven **

I couldn't bring myself to let her out of my sight. I'm not sure how long we sat on the couch entangled in each other. Her legs locked around my waist, my arms clutching her close. Her smell was so intoxicating. I buried my face in the crook of her neck inhaling deeply. She was my human drug: my lifeline. I wasn't sure how I had survived so long without her.

She stirred in my arms, but I only held her tighter to my chest. I felt her hands in my long, unruly hair. She was twisting and curling the bronze pieces around her precious fingers. She pressed her nose into my hair and I couldn't help but smile. She was trying to retain my scent as I was trying to retain hers. I could only pull her closer and pray I was not hurting her, for there was no way I was going to let go. Not now. Not ever again.

"Edward…" She whispered. I nearly moaned, for a voice that was once the object of only my thoughts and dreams was a reality. My darling love was with me once more. She was mine now and forever. Death would never part us again.

I looked up to meet her smoldering chocolate colored eyes. She was shivering: my skin was too much for her. "I'm so sorry my darling!" I seized a throw blanket from the arm of the old Venetian inspired couch Esme had so loving restored a good sixty years back.

She smiled and wrapped it around her slender shoulders. I was nearly undone. With just one look, one smile, my Bella could undo a 204 year old vampire. It was magnificent. "Thank you, Edward." She ran her fingers through my hair once more before slowly straightening her body. Acting on instinct, I seized her wrist and pulled her back down on top of me so she was once again perched upon my lap.

"You aren't going anywhere," I said, my voice thick with emotion. She turned on my lap to face me and gently placed a kiss upon my cheek, beaming.

Caressing my marble skin with her warm and gentle thumb, she whispered, "Edward, my foster family…" Her soft features turned dismal and clouded over with grief. She turned her head from me to mask her uneasiness about her new found family. Taking her chin between my thumb and index finger I guided her face back to meet mine. "I don't want to go back."

Taking her delicate, porcelain face between my thick hands, I kissed her gently relishing the way her lips felt pressed against my own. So soft; so warm… I pulled away unwillingly, but I knew had I prolonged the kiss for even a moment more, I would have taken her on Esme's couch. She was so sensual, so alluring, and she didn't even realize it. "I know my darling," I croaked, "but you are right. It's time for me to take you home. I'm staying with you."

She did not object, "But Edward, wait upstairs like you used to..." Bella trailed off, her eyes far away as I stood her up and wrapped her in my embrace.

"No." I stated matter-of-factly, "I'm not leaving you. Not even for a moment… I can't afford to lose you again…"

Pressing her palms against my chest, she pushed herself away from me slightly, "Please, Edward. I don't want to leave your side, but… they aren't nice people. They're going to be very angry with me, and if they see me walking in with a boy..." Her thought process drifted once more, "well, it won't turn out well."

Bella was right. I drove her home that afternoon. The sun had passed its highest point in the sky and a cold chill danced through the trees. It was January 19th and frigid. I gave Bella my jacket and draped it over her shoulders when I saw she was shivering. She smiled her thanks, but it was a smile that never reached her eyes. She was frightened of what she would find when she returned home.

I could not return my eyes back to the road. Her composer was lacking and I watched as she closed her eyes and slowly turned her face so that she was facing her passenger window. I longed to take her into my arms and kiss her until her pain was no more. I longed to understand what she was feeling. I had never seen her go into herself so much as she did right before my eyes. I was just about to reach out my hand to her when her eyes abruptly flew open and in a frightened voice yelled, "Stop!"

Taken so off guard, I slammed on the brakes causing Bella to lurch forward in her seat, but she did not even take notice. She smiled weakly and nearly threw herself out of the car before leaning in, "I have to walk from here."

Seeing my indignant expression, she continued, "Edward, I snuck out last night and took the train. I ran away. If Allory and Joe see me roll up in a foreign car, they'll go even more ballistic on me. Please, Edward."

I huffed angrily before answering a curt negative. I was not about to let her roam the streets.

She ignored my statement. "I'm going to cut through the Ellis' backyard and walk the mile home. I do it all the time… Edward, don't look at me like that. The only thing to worry about is being barked at by the Gilbert's dog, but he's harmless."

"Bella, I am not letting you go alone. I'm going to park this car here and I am going with you." My right hand was already clutching the keys before Bella seized my hand.

Her gentle countenance was now replaced by one of irritation. Her brows were furrowed and her nostrils flaring. "I am serious, Edward. I have to walk home alone. I can tell you my street address and you can wait for me there, but that is the best I can do to appease you. You don't know my foster family. You don't know what they are and there temperaments. You are used to Charlie and his lax way to doing things, but the Jeschikeleski's are nothing like that. Please, Edward just do as I say and I will meet you at this address," Bella opened her clutch and removed a tissue and pen on which she wrote her street address and her cell number, "in fifteen minutes. Okay? Just fifteen minutes."

I glared at her. What was she doing? "I will park the car and I will come back and walk with you."

She threw up her hands and let out an exasperated sigh. She bent down and removed her heels, holding them in her left hand. When her face reappeared in the window I had rolled down, I again started. "I don't understand your objection to me walking you home."

"Allory and Joe might see you. I can't risk that, Edward." Her face altered drastically. "They take from me everything that I love. I can't risk losing you again, Edward. Please, just do this for me. I wish I could have you walk me home, but the neighbors are on guard for me and it's the middle of the day. Surely one of them would see you. I trust you to be quick though, and don't let anyone see you when you're sneaking in."

"Bella…"

She was pleading now, "I'm serious. Please, Edward, for me."

It was then that I realized that she was pleading with me. I, who prided myself on being a very attentive boyfriend and giving into most of my sweetheart's requests, was torn. I wanted so desperately to stay with her and keep her safe, and yet I wanted to grant her wishes. "For me." Damn it how those words can undo my resolve.

"Alright." I whispered and I floored it and drove off leaving my love watching as I sped away.

I had made very sure that I had hid myself exceptionally well for my Bella, but when I was alone in her room I became very antsy and agitated. Five minutes passed. Ten. Fifteen. I sat on her bed and tapped my foot anxiously. Where was she? It had been nearly twenty minutes. I got up and was about ready to go look for her when I heard the door open from downstairs.

From that moment on, the household was under siege.

"Where the hell were you?" I heard a slurred, unfamiliar voice demand harshly.

"I slept at Lynette's house like I told you I was going to." I pressed myself against her bedroom door and listened as my Bella's confidence faltered.

Something was broken downstairs and there was the sound of flesh against flesh. I became stiff as a board and I willed my feet into the ground. He had hit her. That bastard had hit my Bella! I was fuming, but could only grind my teeth.

The man below growled, screaming, "Bullshit, Isabella! No one sleeps at a friend's house in a mother fucking dress! In any case I called the King residence last night and Lynette's mother told me that you were not there. Care to tell me where you were you insolent bastard?" I could barely understand his slurred speech, but I could most defiantly hear his thoughts.

I was furious. No one talks to me Bella that way. No one. I began screaming internally wishing bodily harm on this Joe Jeschikeleski. I wish I could have run down there and wrung his neck for speaking like that to my darling.

Bella quickly responded, her voice feigning strength, "I told you, Joe. I slept at Lynette's. She and I went out for a while and I forgot my stuff at another friend's house so I had to come home in my dress."

There was a short silence before I heard Bella scream and a loud crash was heard downstairs. I jumped, my eyes wild with fury. I could hear his thoughts. He wanted to kill my Bella. He hated her. He wanted her dead.

Joe Jeschikeleski was screaming furiously, holding Bella against the wall by her neck. He was drunk. His thoughts were jumbled and nearly incoherent just as his words were. I heard Bella smashing her fists against the wall and begging quietly to be let go. She was apologizing incessantly, telling him how sorry she was and that she didn't mean any of it. Telling him it was all her fault and to punish her.

I sunk to the ground and began to cry. I was so helpless. Bella had told me not to come, she had not wanted to return herself and now I understood. This was her home. A foster father who was a drunkard and from what I understood from Mr. Jeschikeleski's thoughts, a foster mother hyped up on drugs. Mr. Jeschikeleski was waiting for his marijuana which was to be brought in any moment by his wife. What kind of hell was this? Why was my Bella put into such a household? How was she put here? How could I go down there and risk Bella getting hurt even more.

I could continue to hear Mr. Jeschikeleski's drunken screams and Bella's pleas for punishment when the front door flew open again. A fresh wave of thoughts clouded my jumbled mind. There were two this time. One had been there from the beginning, but I had only thought it had belonged to Mr. Jeschikeleski. A teenager was laughing internally and externally in a room nearby as the foster mother entered the house.

I could take this no longer. Swiftly, I jumped from Bella's window, but not before I grabbed a set of clothing for her. I couldn't take this any longer. I don't care what Bella's instructions were. I didn't care if she screamed at me. I couldn't take this any longer. I couldn't stand it. I quickly ran to my car and dropped off Bella's belongings. I turned around once more and sprinted the block to Bella's house. Nothing seemed amiss, but I knew. Secretly, I knew.

When I reached the door, I rang the doorbell loudly and obnoxiously long twice. The muffled noises that I had heard behind the door ceased suddenly. All was quiet. I rang a third time, fury coursing through my veins. I would strangle all of them someday for hurting my Bella. Still silence. A fourth time did the charm, for as soon as my finger came off the doorbell, the door swung open to reveal a smiling couple. From their façade, it looked as if they were amiable and kind people but I knew otherwise.

"Excuse me, my name is Edward. Bella promised that she was going to meet me and go over the calculus homework with me. I don't really understand what is going on." I forced a laughed, but it was filled with anger. I saw the smile wiped clear from the Jeschikeleski woman's face and was instantly replaced by a hint of fear. The sound even frightened myself.

"Oh!" Replied who I assumed to be Mrs. Jeschikeleski, "of course." She smiled warmly at me before turning over her shoulder and calling, "Isabella, dear, your calculus friend is here!" Mrs. Jeschikeleski turned her head back to face me, smiling as if nothing was the matter. Mr. Jeschikeleski behind her nodded his head and commented on my jacket in a very low voice. I thanked him for the compliment but secretly wanted to wring his neck. How could they stand here and pretend like he had not tried to beat Bella and that she had not watched the last part of it happen?

Bella appeared from the living room adorning faded jeans and a grey hoodie zipped all the way up to her jugular. She smiled weakly and kissed her foster parent goodbye. They smiled and hugged her in return, but their thoughts were horrid. They were glad to be rid of her. They hoped I would take her away and never bring her back to the house. They thought her a nuisance, a burden. They didn't want her anymore. They never wanted her in the first place.

When Mrs. Jeschikeleski shut the door, I seized Bella by her upper arm. She involuntarily flinched and I loosened my grip wishing I had been more sensible and wanting to injure that violent man even more. As quickly as I could I got her to my car, and as soon as I shut her passenger door, her resolve broke and she began sobbing in my car.


	12. These Walls Begin to Crumble

**Hello again! Thanks once more to everyone who reviewed and alerted! :) I love you guys!**

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**Jesycca: I hope you'll keep reading to find out! Thanks for the review!**

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**Aurora C.: Happy belated birthday!! Consider chapter eleven as a birthday present to you! :) I hope you had a wonderful day and year to come! Thanks for the review! :) (ps. September birthdays are the best! Mine is in Sept. too! :])**

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**randomsillycullen: Thank you very much for the review. I'm sorry to say that a BPOV won't be possible. :/ I feel like it would disrupt from the flow of the story, so we'll just have to find everything out in due time from Edward. :) He never fails us anyway! hehe. **

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**Devon Marie Darling: Hi! Here is the next chapter! :) Enjoy!**

**Chapter Twelve**

I was shaking violently as I got into the car and slammed my door shut. I don't recall ever being more furious with a human being in my entire existence. I had never so much wished death upon any individual as I did Joe Jeschikeleski. How dare he touch my Bella? How _dare_ he? What gave him any right to use that language and strike my delicate goddess? If I had not checked myself before knocking I swear to God I would have rung his neck. I almost wish I had.

Bella sat beside me, her face in her small and beautiful hands. She was so delicate- so beautiful. I wished I could have reached for her, but I had not yet recovered all of my senses. I couldn't risk hurting her when she was already bruised. So instead I clutched to my steering wheel, my shoulders nearly up to my ears as I was quivering with rage. My teeth were clenched to keep back my screams and all the veins in my hands were poking through my skin. I wanted to scream. I needed to scream.

When I had gotten as far as I could from Bella's residence, I slammed on the break and turned to face my gorgeous Isabella. What came out however, I had no control of. Through gritted teeth I hissed, "Bella. What. The. Fuck. Was. That."

She refused to look me in the eyes. Instead, Bella found a spot of the road ahead of us and focused intently upon it. She made sure her hair was hiding her face. She did not acknowledge that I had even spoken to her before I grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a small shake. She reluctantly turned her gaze to my own and for a brief moment I wish she hadn't. Her left eye was swollen and beginning to turn an odd shade of purple. Her foundation had been rubbed off while she was crying and I could vaguely make out another purple-tinted welt on her right temple before she wrenched free from my grasp and whispering in a low voice, "Nothing."

I looked down and suddenly became aware of all the bruises on her slender, temping legs. I was stunned silent. I think this caused her more disconcert that my lack of eloquence just moments before, for she began fiddling with her rings- a nervous habit. He hit her often. The purple bruises on her face and legs only went to prove it. I couldn't move and my eyesight turned red momentarily. I was livid. He was hitting her, and she pretended like it never happened!

"Nothing?" I asked in a very condescending tone. "Yes, of course, nothing."

"Yes, Edward. Nothing, okay?" She gave me a pleading look as if to ask if the subject could be dropped, but I was not so willing. I needed my answers. I was not a gentleman today.

"How long?" I whispered though my teeth. My body was tense. My mind wanted the answer, but I wasn't sure if my body could take it. I didn't want to hear of my Bella being beaten.

"What?"

I threw my hands out and clutched her shoulders once more. My eyes were blazing and I could tell by her body language that Bella was afraid to see me like this. I rarely ever lost my temper, but anything having to do with my darling, my world, being mistreated I could not tolerate. They would have to pay. "How long, Bella! How long has he been hitting you?"

Without warning, she burst into tears. Before my eyes, my Bella crumbled in my arms and reached for me. I instantly took her into my arms, caressing her chocolate colored hair. The scent of my cologne and bar filled my lungs, but I held her even tighter, cooing in her ear.

Grabbing handfuls of my jacket, she clung to me. My head spun in want of her, but I had to refocus my attention when she began speaking in a low and cracked voice. "It never used to be like this. The Jeschikeleski's were never the doting foster parents, but they were nice enough. It's only when Joe lost his job about a year ago that he became an alcoholic. He couldn't find work and he was too proud to take a job that offered less money than what he was previously being paid. He took out his stress on me sometimes when he was drunk and began popping some of Allory's vicodin she got after she had her back surgery. They both became dependent and Joe got worse than ever." She paused taking a deep breath and burying herself deeper in my embrace. Shivering, she whispered, "It's only been lately that Joe really started on me. Edward… I'm afraid to go home sometimes."

I could say nothing, I could only hold her. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It all seemed like it was very distant, as if I was having an outer body experience. I wish I had been, for seeing Bella break down in my arms shattered my heart. I wanted to beat Joe. I wanted to beat him harder than he beat my Bella and see how he liked it. I would do it again and again and again…

My body tensed and Bella sensed my thoughts. She looked up at me trough her breathtaking doe eyes that made me melt. They were misty and filled with tears and she asked softly, "Why did you come? Why did you save me? Why did you come with me?"

Kissing her forehead gently I responded, "I obeyed your orders. I wanted so desperately to come to you sooner, but I didn't want you to be put in more danger because of me. I didn't know what Joe would do if I came barreling down the stairs and began smashing his head into the wall. I couldn't listen to you scream, my love. I…" my voice faltered. "Bella, Esme offered to you the chance to stay with us. Why did you not accept? If you were afraid to go, why didn't you stay?"

"I couldn't accept, Edward." She shook her head and looked away from me. She refocused her attention on her spot on the road, her eyes going blank- void of any emotion. "My predicament doesn't call for that."

I was taken aback by her sudden change in tone. Her predicament didn't call for that? I had no idea what that even meant. What predicament? What was she talking about? "What…?"

I was never able to finish my though. She quickly cut in, "It just, well… it isn't in the cards, Edward. My situation is very difficult."

I cocked my head and glanced at her sideways, "You mean Joe? Bella, come…"

"No." She answered, turning a quick, slanting fleeting look in my direction. "It's… just… never mind."

My brows furrowed and a pushed her away from me slightly so I could catch her gaze. She was acting very strange… For a moment I believed it to be shock, for I have heard that victims of household abuse tend to become very introverted and almost shell-shocked. The closer I looked at her, however, the more I realized that it was not fright, but something I could not put my finger on.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't perturbed by her melancholy state. It was understandable, but yet it troubled me nonetheless. She would stare out the window of the car and just sigh. That was all, just sigh every few moments as if she had the burden of the world upon her shoulders that she could not get rid of. I tried to pry her secret from her, but she only lifted her shoulders as if adjusting the weight and looked me in the eye, "it's times like this that I really miss Charlie."

I blinked twice. If I had been expecting any answer it sure as hell would not have been that. In the few hours since I had found my Bella again, Charlie was only mentioned once and as a taboo subject. Bella had never been severely close to her father, but she had loved him greatly.

It was only then did I remember Charlie and my last conversation. He had screamed over the phone telling me to never return to Forks. He was angry with hurt over his deceased daughter, and who wouldn't be. He was alone save for Bella, and I had taken her from him unintentionally. Awkwardly I questioned, "What happened to him?"

She smiled sadly before answering, "Edward, it has been a hundred years. People don't live forever."

"I know." I said, "I meant in general. He and I did not have a nice encounter after you…"

She avoided my glance then and mumbled a barely audible, "Oh." She began fiddling with her rings once more, twirling them around her finger and removing them before putting them on again. "I'm sure you want to know why…"

I took her back in my arms, "Why, Bella? Why did you do that to me? Why did you end your life? There were so many people who loved you and needed you."

Her answer was simple, "You didn't want me anymore."

My heart broke and I looked down at her. She had killed herself because of me. I knew it to be true, but it was all the worse hearing it from her. "Bella, I always wanted you. Always. Ever since the day I left I regretted and hated myself for letting you go, but how could I have gone back? How could I have kept up my charade as if nothing was the matter? I was a deadly vampire and you were a fragile human being. I had been chancing fate the whole time we were together, and after the incident with Jasper I knew I couldn't be with you anymore. I couldn't put you in any more danger.

"After you killed yourself, Bella, my world… it shattered. Alice said it was a hard couple of years, but that is putting in nicely." I could see my words were hurting my Bella, but I had to continue. She had to know I loved her. "When I first received the news, I went insane. My family had to chain me in my father's old apothecary office in the attic and they left me there to die for a week. I did die then, Bella. I died from the inside knowing what I did and realizing I couldn't take it back. Couldn't bring _you _back.

Bella was crying. "I wanted nothing more than my own death. I thought about the Volturi constantly, praying that if I went to them begging for an end to my life, they would cede to my requests. Alice could see everything though. My family never left my side and I spiraled downward into my own personal hell. I could do nothing but sit in dark rooms and pray fervently for a freak accident to happen to me so I could be with you in death."

In my arms, Bella was crying so hard she was trembling. She was taking quick, uneven breaths and she couldn't look away from my face. Speaking of my hardships was painful and clearly readable on my face, but I was in a different world. "I wish I could take everything back." I said. I was far away in a time of remembrance. "I wish I could take everything back and I would have never left you." I looked down at her and in a violent need, took her lips with my own. The kiss was crushing and I was afraid of hurting her, but I needed to feel her. I needed to feel whole again.

Upon breaking the kiss, I pressed my forehead to her own and whispered, "You are here with me now. That is all that matters." I caressed her skin through her jacket. "It is all that will ever matter. I'm never letting you go again. You are never leaving me."

It was a demand. A heavy demand. Without warning, she placed her porcelain hands upon either side of my head and kissed me. I caught her back and awkwardly pulled her towards me in my car. She broke the kiss and pulled slightly out of my embrace. "No, I'm never…" she faltered and glanced away for a moment before returning her gaze to mine. Her tone became melancholy and lower before answering, "I'm never going to leave you."

I did not mistake her tone. I was suddenly frantic and I went to seize her and pull her close to me once more. "What?" I inquired my voice wild with fright. She was leaving. Her words were there, but her tone was not. This is what Alice had meant. This was the thing she was not telling me. She paused before speaking the words I wished so fervently she spoke. "What?"

Her head cocked to one side and her brows furrowed, "What, Edward?"

My breathing quickened and my eyes were wild. I clung to her desperately, but she pulled away frightened by my sudden spasm. She was going to leave me. She was going to leave me! I was struggling to keep my emotions and she could see it. I could see it in her eyes that she wished she could take back those words, but it was too late. She had paused. "You are not leaving me." I said sternly, angrily.

She nodded.

"You. Are. Not. Leaving. Me." I emphasized every word, my eyes becoming more and more wild as I continued.

She nodded again and fear entered her delicate features. To contradict her look, she wrapped her arms around my middle and held herself there, but I could not return her embrace. She had to say it. She had to say she wasn't leaving me. "Bella I only found you last night. I love you. I need you. Don't do this to me. You are not leaving me!"

"I promise," She answered into my chest.

I pulled her roughly from my body and shook her. Tears once again formed in her eyes, but I was too hysterical to comprehend their meaning. I shook her for a second time before bellowing, "Say it Bella! You are not leaving me! Say it!"

There was a slight pause before I screamed again, "Bella, say it!"

"Yes, Edward, yes!" She reached up and snatched my face in her hands. I was breathing hard and my look was pleading. She couldn't leave me. She couldn't. I needed her. Why? Why? "Edward, I'm not leaving you. I promise, I'm never going to leave you."

"Tell me." I demanded. She was withholding information from me. Information about her being alive, about her being in my arms and touching me in this very moment. She was not speaking the whole truth and I needed to hear it. "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you leaving? Tell me."

She quickly removed her hands and looked away. She knew what I had meant. "I can't."

"Yes you can!" I shouted. She flinched. I knew every word was hurting her, but I needed answers and I needed them now. "Damn it Bella, yes you can! Tell me!"

Throwing up her hands Bella exclaimed, "I can't, Edward, don't you understand? I can't. You wouldn't understand. You wouldn't be able to understand. Please, just live every moment. Just be with me!"

I took her face in my hands and was momentarily distracted by her beauty. "Let me understand! Bella, how are you alive? How are you here with me?"

"I told you," She wailed, placing her hands upon my own. "I made a bargain with Fate! But that's in the past, Edward. This is the present and I need you now. Don't worry about what happened long ago. It's over. This is now, and I'm never going to leave you. Ever. Do you hear me? Edward," She broke into tears once more, "Edward, I'm NEVER going to leave you."

"I don't believe you." I whimpered. "You paused. I don't believe you…"

"I swear upon my life Edward." She cried. "I swear upon all that is dear to me. I'm never leaving. I didn't realize I paused; I'm just very shaken up right now. I'm sorry. I didn't realize, but you have to believe me Edward."

She wrapped her arms tightly around my body, sobbing. Bella arched upwards and pressed her lips roughly to my own. I was so mentally weak that I could not help but respond with as much ferocity as I felt depression. Though I knew Bella was real and she was in my arms, I was having a hard time believing that she was telling me the whole truth. It all seemed too surreal to be reality. One hundred years, Fate, and beatings. I couldn't understand what was going on around me, but I knew that I was being left in the dark. Bella was my light, and only she could take me back with her into the daylight. I just had to wait until she was ready.

**And this is where I removed Through Blind Men's Eyes off of fanfiction. All of the previous chapters, including this one, were previously written and only edited before I posted them again. From here on, I'm sorry to say, reviews may get longer because I have a whole bunch of AP classes and college applications to fill out. Hopefully I'll continue to update frequently and not neglect TBME as I once had, but I can't make any promises. All I can ask of my beautiful reviewers and readers is that you stick with me and TBME and not abandon me if a chapter takes a little longer than expected to be posted. Thank you so much and please don't forget to review. **

**Thank you,**

**-eternal rose 45**


	13. Your Karma is Showing

**Hello friends. I want to appologize in advanced for the epically shitty chapter you are about to read. I have MAJOR writers block like you wouldn't even believe and I'm trying to bust out a few chapters so I can finally tell you what's REALLY going on with Bella. :) I hope you enjoy anyway. Please review. **

**Shoutouts:**

**x Eliza-Jane x- I hope I cleared everything up for you on the PM! :) Enjoy!**

**booksfoodandmusic- I'm so very glad! I hope you like this chapter! **

**Aurora C.- Thanks for the understanding Aurora! :) That was very sweet! I hope you enjoy the chapter even though it really isnt the greatest. :/**

**.- Welcome! Thank you so much! I tried to stay pretty clear of cliche fanfictions and hopefully I'm doing a decent job! ahaha :) Hope to hear from you soon.**

**Biankis- I haven't abandonded TBME and I don't plan to. :) Hope you enjoy!**

**TaylorLautnerLuver- Here is kind of a sneak peak lie about what is going on... hahah :)**

**Iscratchandbite- Well thank you! Hope you enjoy! **

**twilighter021- You're right, I'm sorry. But there is ALOT ALOT ALOT more to come on what is up with Bella.**

Chapter Thirteen

I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I wasn't sure if I should be happy about Bella's declaration of love towards me or if I should become a psychotic freaked out maniac over the fact that she has paused before she had told me that she was never going to leave me. I could only hold her, an odd sense of numbness spreading though my body at her words. I held her to my body for a long time and allowed her to cry, but never once could I bring myself to look down at her. My mind was too conflicted and I couldn't concentrate. I knew if I looked at her- if I looked into her beautiful, mesmerizing eyes, I would forget what she had said. I would forget this lead weight sitting in the pit of my stomach.

My stomach was churning and my forehead pounding as I clutched Bella to me. What was she hiding from me? Did she not know that with every false word she was killing me? _"I swear upon my life Edward. I swear upon all that is dear to me. I'm never leaving. I didn't realize I paused; I'm just very shaken up right now. I'm sorry. I didn't realize, but you have to believe me Edward."_ Was this true? Was she truly shaken up and didn't realize her slight pause?

With my right hand I held the back of Bella's head to my chest. I stroked her back with my left and gazed off absentmindedly. Bella clutched to me, tugging on my jacket. When I didn't look down, Bella tugged harder, signaling she wished for me to acknowledge her. I couldn't. I needed to think. I needed to hold her.

"Edward, please look at me." Bella whispered her voice low and full of pain.

I closed my eyes for a moment, gathering my composure before sighing and glancing down at my Bella. I almost wished I hadn't. The bruise on her temple that had been but a mere shadow only a half hour earlier was now raised and was a deep purple color. She looked so small- so vulnerable- that all thoughts were instantly gone save for the wellbeing of my beloved.

I inhaled a sharp breath as I gently caressed her beaten temple. How could someone do this to Bella? How could they hurt her in such a way was beyond me. I was furious at Joe. "Bella…" I moaned.

"How bad does it look?" She questioned her eyes never breaking contact from my face.

I winced before closing my eyes and turning my head away. I couldn't look at her like that. She was my beloved and I had failed her. I had failed her by letting her walk home alone. I had failed her by agreeing to wait in her room until she had come up. I had failed her by not coming to her rescue sooner. I had failed her by leaving her.

"That bad, huh?"

I nodded, my eyes closed. She sighed and wiggled herself out of my arms to adjust the rearview mirror so that she could see her face. "Oh, God…" she groaned, exasperated. She poked at her face with delicate experience- pulling and examining her face. Suddenly she pouted her lips and reached into her sweatshirt pocket. She quickly unscrewed the cap to a small bottle filled with cover-up which she quickly spread across her discoloration. "It's not so bad."

My head snapped in her direction, glaring. Not so bad? Not so bad? "Bella, what are you talking about?" I nearly screamed. She only turned her face towards me, exasperation on her features. "There is a huge…"

"Edward," Bella interrupted me gently, laying one of her hands gingerly upon my face. "It's really not that bad. Don't worry, okay? See? You can't even see it now." She was right, but I began sputtering in frustration and anger nonetheless. Bella's lips curved upwards in a half smile before placing her lips on mine.

I gently pushed her away. I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to distract me with her kisses so I would forget about what has just happened. She wanted me to forget that I heard her being beaten. She wanted to forget that she implied that she was leaving me. I was going insane- completely and utterly insane and Bella was only adding more fuel to my already kindled flame.

"No, Bella." I responded hotly. I held her at arm's length away and stared at her. What was going on in that head of hers? What was she thinking? What was she planning? I sighed, "Bella. Please help me to understand everything that is going on. I'm so confused and my mind is making assumptions of which I have no idea if they are right. Please, my darling, help me."

She stared back at me with her swollen eyes and red face. Her bruise nearly blended in now, but I could not forget that it was there. It was like an omnipresent reminder of how desperately I had failed her. She shook her head and glanced downwards. "I beg you Edward, now is not the time. Please don't do this to me."

"That is what I don't understand Bella." I hissed, my temper rising. "When is the right time? Will there ever be a right time, or am I just fighting a losing battle. Bella, I was dead for a hundred years without you. I could do nothing but think of how much I had failed you and how much I despised myself. Now by some miracle I can hold you in my arms again and I don't know how. Tell me, Bella. I need to know."

Slowly she looked down at her hands and fiddled with a ring that adorned her pointer finger on her right hand. She became very fidgety and I watched as a solitary tear trailed down her cheek and landed upon the ring. The small, clear gem suddenly illuminated and shown hundreds of different colors that reflected off my windows and ceiling. Bella quickly put her hand over the gem and glanced up at me. "You know the whole karma and reincarnation aspect of the Hindu religion, Edward?"

I nodded. "Yes, I studied it in Siberia."

She nodded and just stared at me. It was a bit of an odd exchange if I had to say so. She spoke no other words, but she kept her hand wrapped tightly around her ring. Her gaze never strayed from my face and for a while it didn't seem like she was even blinking. She was very still and it caused all my nerves to flare. She was almost frightening me.

Without warning, she nodded a second time. "So then you know that they believe the soul is immortal and that your karma reflects what your next life will be, correct?" I nodded, raising an eyebrow. Where was she going with this? She took a shaky breath, "I cut my body and soul's immortality short. Because I was bit by James, my immortality was tainted by being physically alive. My atman was no longer the only part of me that could live forever.

"In my last life, I was supposed to find my moksha and my salvation from samsara, but I cut my time short and killed myself. That's why I look the same. My body had remnants of physical immortality, so my soul wasn't able to be reincarnated into another body… Fate explained everything to me."

She went silent- her explanation finished. What? She saw my flabbergasted and mortified expression and looked down once more. Bella was supposed to find eternal peace in her last life. Bella had committed suicide because I had left her. I was the cause of everything. Because I had left her, Bella was never able to find her true meaning in life. She had killed herself because of everything I had done. In my attempt to save her from a dangerous life, I had murdered her and taken away her immortal happiness. What kind of fucking monster was I?

My lips moved furiously in an attempt to speak, but no words ushered forth. My mind was racing and I wished desperately for a release for my own self-made hell. I had ruined her in my attempt to save her soul. I killed everything that could have been. I had done so much wrong in my life, but this, by far was the worst. "What was supposed to be your eternal peace?" I managed to croak.

Without looking up, Bella whispered in so quiet a voice that I could barely hear, "I was supposed to be with you forever."

--

We had driven back to my house in silence. I hated myself and everything I stood for. I always prided myself on being respectful and loving and generous, but look what I had done. Bella sat in the passenger seat staring blankly out the window. She didn't look at me for the rest of the ride home. I couldn't blame her. I was surprised she could even bear to be in my presence. I had ruined any chance of peace for her. Everything was my doing.

"Bella…" I whispered as I parked my car in the driveway.

She silenced me with a gentle look and a nod. She understood. "Edward, please, don't blame yourself. I can see this is tearing you up inside and that is why I didn't want to say anything. It wasn't from your wishes that I jumped off the cliff, it was mine. You didn't kill me, I did and now I have to pay the consequences."

With that she grabbed her bag that I threw in the backseat and opened her passenger door. Alice stood waiting for us at the threshold of our family's abode and I saw Bella raise a weak hand and give Alice a pathetic wave.

**A/N- I want to give everyone a heads up: BELLA ISN'T TELLING THE WHOLE TRUTH. So you'll just have to stay tuned to see what the real deal-i-o is :)**


	14. I Will Protect Your Heart

Thank you so much to everyone who reviews for my fanfictions. You really keep me going. I would be nothing without you guys! :) I hope you enjoy this chapter! :) Please read and review!!

Chapter Fourteen

I couldn't will myself out of my car. I watched as Bella ran to Alice and embraced her. Alice's eyebrows were furrowed together and she shot me a frightened look. She had seen the bruises on Bella's neck and temple and demanded what had happened in her thoughts. I couldn't leave my car. Screaming, Alice pressed me for more details, challenging me to get out of the car and face what I had done. She thought I hurt Bella. What a fool.

I could not.

My thoughts swam in a hurried whirlpool and I could not hold onto a reflection long enough to elaborate on it. My mind was on repeat, the same phrases reappearing in the same order: Killed herself. My fault. Ruined her life. My fault. Ruined everything she was supposed to be. My fault. Ruined her happiness. My fault. How could I? What have I done? These thoughts came and went in rapid waves, crashing over my body and forcing me to suffer the unearthly chill of the ominous water. I was being dragged under, gasping for air ad my realization hit me. Everything I had ever done for her was done in vain. Everything I had tried to protect her from was for nothing. I was useless.

I would have been better if I never existed at all.

Alice shuffled Bella inside, trying desperately to plaster a sincere smile on her slender lips. I could not fail to notice the sudden frailty of Alice's voice. Bella seemed to take no heed as she squared her shoulders and masked her pain. My sister watched my love go before she sprinted to Volvo, her thoughts full of rage and fear.

She rapped thrice upon the window to the driver's seat, but I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I gazed mindlessly out of my dashboard window, not able to concentrate. I could only wallow in bed I had made for myself. This was all my doing.

"Edward!" Alice's muffled voice yelled through my tinted windows. She knocked four more times. "Edward, I swear to God if you don't open this door I'm going to…"

She didn't need to finish. With my left hand, I gently pulled the door handle towards me. The door was nearly ripped off of its hinges from the force Alice exerted in throwing open my car door. Alice opened her mouth, her thoughts high-pitched and full of venom, but once she glanced at my face, her thoughts and face went blank. "Edward?" She questioned, "Oh my God, what's wrong?"

I buried my face in my hands, seizing fistfuls of my shaggy bronze hair. My shoulders were quaking with violent, silent sobs. I suddenly found Alice's arms around me, her hands prying at my own in vain. "Edward, what happened? What did you do to Bella?"

"What did I do?" I boomed, seizing Alice by the shoulders and shaking her. My mysterious tears were flowing freely from my eyes as I shook her a second time, only more aggressively. "What did I do? What didn't I do, Alice? I ruined her life!"

Fear invaded Alice's tiny features as she shrugged her shoulders up to her ears, curling her arms up so that her mouth and chin were buried into the backs of her hands. She was quivering with fear as she gazed upon my hysterical form. She tried to break free of my hold, but my fingers seemed unable to cooperate with my brain. Nothing was working correctly.

"I don't understand…" She whimpered.

I closed the distance between our faces so that our noses were nearly touching. I was in madness. "She killed herself because I left her. In her last life, Bella was supposed to find her meaning on Earth, but I took that away from her. She killed herself because of me. Everything I had ever done to try and protect her from danger was for nothing. I caused her so much more pain than I ever wished to. She can never find peace, Alice, don't you get it?" I screamed. "I killed her!"

"So you beat her?" Alice shrieked in response. I went eerily still. She didn't understand. She couldn't.

"Didn't you see, Alice?"

"I only saw her walking alone on a street. Everything went white for a moment and then I saw you dragging her by her arm into your car. What did you do?" She yelled.

I finally willed my grip on my sister to loosen. She ripped my hands off of her and glared at me, her thoughts raging. In a soft voice, I moaned heartbrokenly, "Her foster parents beat her, Alice. Her foster father is a drunk and they're both addicted to oxycoton." I swallowed, my tears forming once more. "He tried to strangle her. His… his thoughts were evil. He hates her. He…"

I couldn't continue. I broke down once more and Alice suddenly took me into her arms. "Oh my God…" She whispered as she rubbed my back gently, pulling me close to her. A moment passed between us before she said, "We're taking her to the police. We have to report this. Bella can't stay in an abusive household. She will live here. Carlisle and Esme will take her in. Everything will be okay, Edward. I'll go send her out to you and tell everything to Carlisle. He'll take care of everything."

--

"Take off your makeup, Bella." I said, gently as my love returned to the passenger seat of my Volvo for the third time that day. She looked at me questioningly. "Please."

"But, Edward, everyone will see my bruises…" She began pathetically.

I nodded as I revved my engine. I wish I could have taken her in my arms in that very moment and kissed her until the world fell away around us. I wished it could just be the two of us. I wish everything had never happened and we could go back one hundred years. "I know, my darling. Take off your sweatshirt my darling."

Tears sprang up in her gorgeous doe eyes and I longed dreadfully for her lips against mine. "Edward, please don't. Everyone will see…" She trailed off, the gears in her mind piecing together all my requests. She gasped. She understood. "Wait!" Bella shrieked, "Wait, Edward no!"

Bella lunged for my steering wheel. Her seatbelt engaged from her violent movement and she was thrown backwards into the passenger seat, crying. "Edward, please no! They'll take me away! They'll send me back to the Bethesda orphanage in Georgia and I'll never see you again! Edward, don't abandon me. Don't leave me!"

I stopped the car abruptly and turned to her. She was trembling in anxiety as silent tears trekked their way down her porcelain skin. "I'm not going to let them take you, Bella. I swear upon my life. You will come live with me. Alice is speaking with Carlisle and Esme right now." Bella swiped her sweatshirt sleeve across her eyes. "Bella, look at me. I'm never going to let anything happen to you ever again. You are mine. Now and forever. You're never leaving my sight. I love you."

"I love you so much, Edward."

I took her face in my hands and kissed her gently. Her lips against mine were like heaven and I longed to allow my tongue to dance with hers. She must taste wonderful. I moaned against her and I knew I had to break away. I belonged here.

I had to tear myself away from my brown-eyes beauty. Shaking from want, I continued the ride to the local police station. I gently took Bella's hand in my own and gave it a gentle squeeze. I glanced over at my love and she smiled causing my insides to melt. She was my everything. She was my world. I would protect her no matter at any costs.

Within a moment I parked my black vintage Volvo in the parking lot at the local police station. Slowly I turned to my Bella and kissed her on the forehead. "Darling, you stay here, okay? I'll be only a moment and then I'll come get you."She nodded, using the sleeve of her gray sweatshirt to rub off the concealer. With on final kiss, I threw open my door and ran at a human's pace into the headquarters.

There was no one in the large, pentagonal shaped room save for a tall, lanky officer sitting at a raised desk. He was deep into some paperwork, but I had no patience. I ran quickly to her, feigning being short of breath. The man raised his head slightly, his eyebrows raised. "Please, sir. My friend was just beaten by her foster father."

The officer straightened, turning his swivel chair in my direction. He placed the pen he was writing with on the table and shot me a wary look. "Was this the first time?"

I shook my head. "No, sir. I went to her house to pick her up for a study group. I've known something was odd about her family life, for she never spoke even a word of it to anyone." I began my lie. "When I got to her house, I heard screaming and banging. She was crying on the other end of the door and he was screaming that he wanted to kill her. I quickly rang the doorbell and Mr. and Mrs. Jeschikeleski pretended like nothing was wrong. It wasn't until my friend got into my car that I saw all the bruises on her face and arms. After I questioned her about it, she broke down and told me that both her foster parents are addicted to oxycoton and her father is never sober. He beats her constantly."

I glanced at the name of the officer's gold-plated tag: Officer Kristofferson. A distressed look crossed his features, but he sat still. "I brought her with me. She's in my car."

Kristofferson jumped down from his desk and walked briskly back to my vehicle with me. I walked to the passenger door and opened it to find Bella crying. When she looked up at me, she gave me a small smile and wink before quickly resuming her façade. Kristofferson knelt down beside the car and grabbed one of Bella's hands.

"Is it okay if I ask you a few questions?" Bella nodded. "Was this the first time he has hit you?"

Bella shoot her head, her false tears increasing tenfold.

Kristofferson seemed very uncomfortable, but continued, "How often does he hit you?" Bella whimpered that she has been beaten at least three or four times a week for the past two years. "And he is in possession of illegal drugs?" Yes. He hides them in the third drawer of his armoire between his socks. "What's your address?" 27 West Hollow Road.

Kristofferson glanced up at me before patting Bella gently on the arm, telling her everything was going to be okay. He stood slowly. Unclipping his walking talkie from his belt, the officer mumbled the name of Bella's street, followed by the orders to search the household. He sighed a second time, producing a slip of paper for me to write down my contact information. As I did this, he replacing his talkie and saying, "Keep her away from that house. If he is as dangerous as you say, we want her as far away from 27 as we possibly can." Kristofferson sent a sideways glance at my love and shook his head sadly. "Unfortunately we're going to have to give her over to social workers to take her to the orphanage she came from, poor girl."

I shook my head. "No, sir. My parents are contacting them as we speak. I called them on the way here and they want to take her into our home. I'm adopted too, so they understand the whole process."

Officer Kristofferson smiled sadly and patted me on the back. "You're a good kid. Take care of the lady and keep her away from that house until we contact you." He reminded me very much of Charlie.


	15. Drag Me To The Depths and Back Again

**Oh… hello friends. Remember me? Remember the asshole that said she wasn't going to take forever and a day to upload another chapter of her favorite fanfiction? But look, here like, TWO MONTHS LATER?! (oh Christ…) later feeling like a big fat asshole. =[ I'm sorry guys, I really am. Ive had papers, annotations, readings, math problems, and life up the wazoo lately. :( I've had to read and annotate A Tale of Two Cities and The Things They Carried and write a character analysis for ATTC and a setting analysis for TTTC. Ive had so many Euro papers to write I thought I was literally going to implode from information overload. So... if anyone needs to know ANYTHING about the effects of monarchy versus parliament on seventeenth century British society, women in war, the candidates for the November governor election, the Belin Wall, the theory of Hobbes versus Locke, or Radovan Karadzic, hit me up. HAHAHAH. But seriously... **

**I'm so incredibly sorry guys. I really really am. I know this chapter isnt the best of the bunch, but I hope you like it anyway. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW. I really love them. :) **

**Chapter Fifteen**

I slowly caressed the smooth skin on the back of Bella's hand as we sat in the small town court room. I glanced all around me as a hiss escaped my lips. The brown walls were crack and caked in lies. They seemed to be closing in on me, swallowing Bella and I whole and choking us to death with its deceit. Bella, however, did not see this. She only turned her head so that she was watching our entangled appendages. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and she gave my hand a gentle squeeze just before bringing her eyes up to meet mine.

I wanted nothing more than to scoop Bella into my arms and run with her. I wanted to run so far away that nothing could ever reach again. I wanted to protect her from everything that was going on around us, but the harder I tried, the steeper our downward spiral became. The more I contemplated everything that Bella and I had gone through these past few weeks, the more claustrophobic I became and the more I wanted to rip my eyes out. It was as if God had created a personal vendetta against my love and I and wanted the pair of us to feel the effects of merely living. I wanted to scream, but I dared not open my mouth.

"Isabella Marie Swan. To the bench please." A stout, fat little man with bushy red hair and glasses the size of saucers croaked. He let out an exasperated breath before glancing down at his Movado. The silver and gold glinted almost obnoxiously in the mid-February sunlight. It was clearly written on his face that this whole case was a waste of his time. I'm sure he would rather have been out shoving a McDonald's triple cheeseburger down his throat.

I gave Bella's hand a reassuring squeeze as she stood and walked slowly towards the raised bench in the courthouse. Bella and I had been subpoenaed to court to testify against her foster father. I brought Bella home from the station after Kristofferson received a call for backup at the Jeschikeleski household. We didn't hear any news from the police until a week later. By the time the cops had shown up to Bella's home, Joe was high on oxycoton and cocaine while simultaneously drunk out of his mind. Allory was on board the freight train to fucked-up-ville, but wasn't completely out in no-where-land yet. She did, however, cheer on her husband as he lunged for the police officer that had forced his entry into their household. Joe clawed and scratched the officer until blood ran from the cop's face. It took four police officers and a sedative to get Joe and his wife in the car.

That was two weeks ago. Ever since January 19th Bella and my family have been getting threatening telephone messages stating that they were going to cut Bella's throat for putting the Jeschikeleskis in jail. I have never been so murderous in my life. I wanted this person, whoever it was, to suffer long and hard for everything they had ever said to my beautiful Bella. I wanted to personally wring the neck of anyone who ever threatened my Bella or my family.

And here we were.

As it turned out, the Jeschikeleski's fifteen-year-old daughter, Jamuna had seen me drag Bella from her residence and hidden in the closet when the cops had ransacked her house for evidence of illegal drugs. She knew I was the son of Doctor Carlisle Cullen and googled our address and phone numbers. Needless to say, this did not turn out the way she had intended it to. Jamuna wanted Bella to drop the charges and tell the police everything was a big misunderstanding. Bella, however, did not comply, and nor did I blame her. So, in addition testifying against Joe, Bella was charging Jamuna Jeschikeleski with threats of killing.

The daughter in question sat at the opposite end of the courtroom, her skin the color of death. Her dark lips twitched at the corner as her mouth moved in unspoken words, her green eyes shooting daggers at the world. Under any other circumstances, I probably would have felt sorry for the young girl, but not today, oh no. Not after everything the she-devil had threatened my family with.

Now I only had the strong urge to take her pasty, thin neck in my palms and crush it, reveling in the sound of her bone crushing beneath my grasp.

The stout little man ushered my sweet up to the bench, where she was sworn in before taking her seat. Beside me, Alice was massaging her temples and hissing softly. I glanced down at my sister and saw that she, unlike the rest of my family sitting in the remainder of the row, was not looking at the court justice. Alice was pressing her forefinger and thumb into her eyes, swiping her fingers across her closed eyes roughly. She pulled her fingers together so that they met at the bridge of her nose which she pinched in annoyance before stamping her high-heeled foot on the hard-wood floor.

The click resonated in the small courtroom and called the attention of Jasper and Esme. Alice's mouth was set in a hard, straight line, but her brows were furrowed in fear. Jasper leaned in and whispered into Alice's ear before she bit back, "I can't see."

"What do you mean?" I said only quiet enough for her and I to hear. "Your visions? Don't worry about it. We're going to be fine! And you know that you can't always see…"

"No, Edward," she hissed, fear bubbling to the surface of her voice. "No, Edward, I can't see. My…" Suddenly, Alice opened her eyes and jumped in her seat. Running the middle finger on her right hand across her bottom lid, she blinked thrice before her tiny, perfectly arched eyebrows came together in the middle of her forehead.

Startled by her sudden change, I grabbed her hand and asked lamely, "Alice, what is going on?"

She quickly shook her head before turning her eyes to meet my own. "I have no idea. That was the weirdest thing…" Slowly she caressed her bottom eyelid once more. "I've been having these really bizarre losses of vision lately, but this one was the worst, I… I really couldn't see anything. Everything when violently white before being shrouded in complete and utter darkness. It's really starting to frighten me, Edward."

"Have you talked to Carlisle about this?"

"What can I say? Edward, we're vampires. We don't get sick. We don't get diseases." Alice said quietly before pausing. "We don't lose our sight…." She shook her head, glancing upwards to find a horrified Bella staring back at us. Alice smiled and mouthed reassurances to my sweet before turning to me once more. "It's just very odd. I don't know what to make of it."

For Alice, I had no answer for I was staring questioningly at Bella. Her face was under siege to a slew of conflicting emotion. Fear, sadness, and mortification were etched upon her delicate features. Her eyebrows had come together and formed a small crease above the bridge of her nose. But as suddenly as all of her emotions had come, they had vanished. Her eyes were a deep pool of nothingness which I struggled to understand. This was not the first time Bella's eyes had gone from the most heart-wrenching sadness to this void of nothingness, but her sudden lack of emotion never ceased to frighten me.

From where I sat I mouthed a 'what's the matter,' but she had turned in her seat to face the little red-haired man who was now speaking to her. Beneath me, my foot began to tap nervously. I hated this. Ever since the day she had moved in with my family and me, it seemed as if she was getting harder and harder to reach. Her once vibrant and lively eyes would become deep pools of nothing. She would continue to cling to me, but her emotions were watered down and half-hearted. I wanted to hit her, shake her, and make love to her- anything to see life back in her eyes.

Even now, as she sat before the judge, her ex-foster father, and the girl who had threatened her life, her face was blank. The Bella I once knew would have been livid. Her eyes would have been filled with angry tears and she would have buried herself in my arms and sobbed for everything she had lost. This Bella sat before the crowded and stuffy courtroom with an unwavering, blank stare that chilled me to the bone. This was not my Bella. My Bella had died a hundred years ago, and I doubted that this beautiful girl before me, who had undergone so much heartache in her seventeen years could ever be the woman I once loved.

--

"Alice…" Bella had whispered once my family had situated themselves at home for the evening. The judge had issued a restraining order against the troubled Jamuna Jeschikeleski and sentenced her mother and father to six months in prison for possession of illegal substance. I almost felt bad for the messed up family, but not enough to wish them any less harm. If anything, I wish their punishment was worse for the way they treated my dear, sweet Bella.

Bella reached over and placed her warm, petite hand on Alice's pixie-like appendages. My sister glanced up and smiled at Bella before she quirked her head, adorned with her perfectly styled cropped hair, to the side in her silent recognition of her spoken name. "Alice?" Bella questioned tentatively, "Are you okay?"

My sister nodded slowly allowing the corners of her lips to pull gently into a half-smile. "Yes, Bella, I think I'm okay. It's just very odd. I was telling Edward before; it's like staring into the sun. It blinds you for a little while, but you just need to get your bearings back together." Alice removed her hand from Bella's and patted my darling's hand lovingly. "Don't worry about me. I don't think I'm going blind or anything."

Alice's tinkling laugh was cut short once she saw the horrible shade of pale Bella had blanched. She was nearly the same ghostly pale my family was. The severity and suddenness of this loss of color frightened me. I pulled my Bella tighter into my chest so that her back was pressed against my torso. My lips made a gentle trail up the back of her neck to rest against her left ear whispering. I asked if she was alright. I even shook her gently when she didn't respond. Bella only sat on my lap staring ominously at Alice. My sister and I shared a questioning glance before Alice reached up, took one of Bella's shoulders in her tiny hands and shook her softly.

Bella swallowed hard as her doe eyes refocused on Alice's heart-shaped face. "You know…" Bella began reaching for both of Alice's hands, "you know I would never let that happen to you, right Alice?"

To say Alice and I were taken aback by what appeared to be Bella's simple statement was truly an understatement. Alice and I tried to hide the shock that had formed on our faces. Alice was actually doing a terrible job at it too. Her black and perfectly trimmed eyebrows creased together above the bridge of her nose for the second time that day before she let out an awkward laugh that sounded more like a disbelieving sigh. "Bella," she said, smiling uncertainly, "I'm not going blind. And even if I was, which I'm not I assure you, how… how could you even possible…?"

Bella blushed a violent shade of red that nearly paralleled the color she had only been moments before. The rings on her fingers began twirling under the guidance of Bella's clumsy fingers. She pulled at the silver circles before shoving them back onto her slender fingers and beginning the circulatory dance once more. I saw a red ring forming around the base of her left pointed finger where she dug her scratched and dented silver band into the fleshy skin. I took her hand in mine and began tracing the length of her fingers with my own, pressing my lips to the back of her right ear. Momentarily her fingers stilled and Bella relaxed into my hard body, but the moment was only fleeting. The ephemeral moment in which my old, loving, Bella was back was gone in an instant. She straightened her back and looked Alice dead in the eye, "If there was anything I could do, you know I would do it."

"Well… of course I know that Bella." Bella nodded, but I could feel my love slipping through my fingers once more. She was retreating back into her body become a shell. I was losing my Bella again, and there was no way I could halt the process. "And you know Edward and I would do anything for you too, but don't worry. We're all one family now. Nothing is going to happen to anyone. I promise."

As if on cue, Jasper appeared at the door to the adjoin kitchen. Bella and I were soon forgotten as an angelic smile crossed the lips of my sister. She stood without another word and walk-skipped over to Jasper, taking his hand and leaning into his lean figure. They looked so happy. I glanced at the foreign woman sitting in my lap and I desperately wished we were like my sister and Jasper.

That wasn't to say that we weren't always happy.

When Bella and I found each other again, we were both in a state of utter emotional bliss. I felt like I was in a heaven on Earth. Every moment was a blessing. I thanked God for every breath my love took. I never let my hands stray away from her body. I always had to be touching her and vice versa. I clung to her and she clung to me in return. We were like two pieces of a puzzle that was manipulated by something bigger than us. Bella and I were the two pieces our owner had misplaced long ago. I was always in the box, collecting dust and rotting away while the piece that fit me had been lost. When the owner of our Fate had brought us together once more, the puzzle was assembled with jubilation. Now, however, one of the pieces seemed very distant. She was slipping away into the backdrop of the puzzle and I wasn't sure how to reach out and make her shine like she had only five weeks ago.

I loved Bella so much that it physically hurt. Every night while she was sleeping, I would take her delicate form in my arms and cry. I would cry out of joy. I would cry out of fear. I would cry out of the sheer intensity of my love for this woman. I would clutch her in the silence of my room. I would watch the consistent rise and fall of her chest and I would ask myself how lucky I was to receive a second chance with the one I adored more than my own existence.

"Bella." I whispered her name in the darkening room. It was seven o'clock and the sun was casting pink and orange stains on the horizon. I turned my Bella around to face me, her legs straddling my own. The friction between our chests was enough to drive me out of my mind. I buried my nose in the crook of her neck and let out a soft moan. Seizing handfuls of the tight t-shirt Alice had given her to change into after we got home from the trial, I pulled her hard into me. She didn't even have a clue what she could reduce me to. I was a puddle of mush in her tiny hands.

Without warning, my old Bella was back. Her legs wrapped securely around my hips and her nimble fingers found their way into my wild hair, tugging it affectionately. I stifled a groan as I allowed my lips to manipulate the skin on her neck, kissing and sucking at it gently. My mind spun as her scent filled my throat and wrapped itself around my very being. Bella whimpered desperately and pushed her body closer to mine, silently begging me for more. This was my Bella: the wild, uncontrollable, impulsive, determined, sexual, stunning, clumsy love of my life. She shivered beneath my touch as the cold pads of my fingertips grazed against a warm patch of skin that had been exposed at her hip.

She let out a mewed whimper before capturing my lips roughly with her own. Oh yes, this was my Bella. My Bella- the Bella that I used to know and not this mysterious shell she had become. Without realizing, I responded to her kiss furiously before I realized what was happened. Her tongue was grazing along my bottom lip. She wanted admission, and admission I couldn't allow.

What if my tooth caught on her skin? What if I tasted her blood? What if she was turned into a vampire? These questions loomed in the dark confines of my mind. What if? If I turned Bella, she would be mine forever, but I couldn't allow her to live the life I lived. I suffered everyday for something that was out of my control. I couldn't die and yet I couldn't really live. I was an aura. I walked the Earth in circles waiting for my next feast of animal blood. I killed.

_But you love. _My subconscious countered. I love. Oh, Good God, how I loved!

With every ounce of strength I possessed, I managed to peel my lips from the tender fruits of heaven. Bella's lips were an intense shade of red and badly swollen from the way our lips sought each others in need. The loss of touch from the other half of me was overwhelming. I let out a groan that she responded to by slipping her hands underneath my cardigan and splaying steaming hands upon my cold chest. "Edward." She arched her back to press her voluptuous breasts against my torso. My mind spun. My breath hitched. My need swelled.

I couldn't do it.

Slowly I took Bella's hands from under my shirt and held them tightly in my own, pressing them tenderly to my lips. Bella's face fell. I understood. I wanted her. I _needed_ her. But how could I make love to her out of wedlock? I was raised to abide by the golden-abstinence-rule. Her body was her temple. How could I taint it in sin? How could I contaminate the purity that was my Bella? But God only knew how much I wanted to feel her body against mine, our skin colliding. I wanted more than anything to show her how much I truly loved her. I wanted to kiss her until her lips were raw and bleeding. I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to quell my insatiable need for my love. I would give my life to be able to satisfy her the way I knew she deserved to be satisfied. I wanted to feel the mutual aching desire as our limbs intertwined and performed a methodical and almost tribal-esque dance.

I wanted so many things, but I didn't know if she wanted them in turn.

I took handfuls of Bella's hair and pressed my forehead against the smooth skin of her own brow. She let out a shaky sigh and fell into me, trembling with desire. "Bella," I moaned, "Bella, why are you so distant from me? Why are you becoming something I don't understand?"

She swallowed hard and allowed her eyes to glance upwards to stare into my own. "I'm just…" she paused contemplating her next words. They formed upon her lips, but soon fell away as she abandoned all hope of sugar coating her meaning. "I'm scared, Edward. The love I have for you is like nothing I've ever felt before. If it's possible, I love you even more now than I did a hundred years ago. But look at me. I'm plain. I'm… below average. You're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You deserve someone as equally beautiful as you, but I would never give you up. I'm scared you'll get tired of me and…"

I couldn't allow her to finish. Her words cut through me like a knife. She was afraid I was going to leave her again. She was afraid I was going to pull the same stunt I did in Forks a hundred years ago and leave her lying cold and alone in the woods. She was afraid of me not loving her anymore. A knife wedged its way between the makeup of my chest plate and was driven hard and unrelenting into my chest, tearing it to pieces. I seized her face in my hands a little too roughly and crushed my lips atop hers. She cried out in need, but I pulled away, tears running down my hard cheeks. "Don't you ever say that again, Bella! Ever. I always loved you, always. What I did all those years ago was naïve. I wanted to protect you, but look where that got us. I wanted to rip myself limb from limb and then burn me. You never were able to fulfill your destiny. But I have you now and I'm not going to leave. You need to understand that. I'm never going to hurt you the way I hurt you before. I would do anything for you. I would give my existence for you, but I need you to come back to me. I need you to be my old Bella." She nodded and buried her face in the crook of my neck, caressing it with soft kisses. "Do you swear?"

She nodded against me, her hair tickling my impassive exterior. "I swear, but Edward, would you really do anything for me?"

"Only say the word and I shall obey." My fingers traced light circles on her tiny back, her dark, chocolate colored hair shrouding my hand it a curtain of beauty.

Bella swallowed hard and began toying with the collar of my heavy sweater taking the material into her pointed and thumb fingers and rolling it softly as if my memorize the feel. "Will you take me to visit Forks? I would really like to visit Charlie's grave…"

"Anything for you, my life. Anything for you."

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	16. Shadows Come From Everywhere

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_**WARNING: **_The beginning of this chapter was a result of my mother giving me regular coffee at nine at night. 38 hours later, and the first two paragraphs were the result. I apologize.

Chapter Sixteen

The following Monday I pulled myself and Bella out of school. I promised her I would take her back to Forks to visit her father's grave. There was nothing in this world that could stop me from giving Bella everything she wanted. Nothing. Especially now, since the wall she had fleetingly torn down in the heat of the moment had been under slow reconstruction ever since I denied her access to me. She was becoming lifeless all over again. I thought I could tear down her defenses with my kisses and my words of love, but this distance went far deeper than skin. She was not solely afraid that I would leave her, for I made it my business to convince her otherwise with every breath that I took. This distance was something I would never understand. It was like she was a war veteran who couldn't bring herself to speak of all of the evils she had been privy to. She would never allow me to understand.

But I refused to stop trying.

The half hour drive to Forks from our home was filled with a tensed silence. Glancing to my left, I noticed the blank stare in her gorgeous doe eyes. She was in another world far beyond my reach. Slowly, methodically, Bella twisted her rings turning the skin a deep red with the friction. Her adroit fingers found the adornment on her left pointer finger and without warning, the clear stone set into the silver illuminated and casted small rainbows in every direction. As if frightened, she came to with a start and smashed her right palm over her left fingers and squeezed it tight, her eyes almost wind.

I reached across the stick shift in my Volvo and gently reached for the hand that was incarcerated between the fingers of the other. Bella looked up at me her eyes softening. She relinquished her hand to me, but not before she attempted to take an inconspicuous peek as if making sure the reflections from the sun on her ring were gone. "Edward," she whispered, tightening her grip upon my hand. "I love you so much."

I smiled down at her and nodded rubbing gentle circles on the back of her mitten-covered hands. "I know, my love. I love you more than you will ever know."

I sighed inwardly and turned my eyes back on the road without over letting go of her hand. I wished so desperately that she would allow me to understand. She was keeping things from me- I could read it in her eyes. She was scared to tell me something and because of her irrational fear, she distanced herself from me. But then there were moments- oh God, they were beautiful. There were days when Bella was my old sweetheart. She would laugh with me, she would throw her arms around me, and she would kiss me with such need that I had a very difficult time denying her. I'd want to burry myself deep within her and just hold her. I'd want to entangle our bodies and never leave her side. But then I would realize what I was thinking and how very ungentlemanly they were. I would pull away, and the blank stare would be back. Her happiness made my heart glow, but when I knew I was the reason for her lack of emotion I shut down.

As she held my hand, however, she was my old Bella. The transition was miraculous. The nothingness that penetrated her stare was replaced with a gentle sparkle. She smiled up and me and blushed furiously when I blew her a kiss. It was in these moments that I wish I could freeze time. I would give everything to stop time for a few fleeting moments and keep her in this effervescent state of being because I knew better than anyone how easily her demeanor changed; with the blink of an eye.

The rev of my engine roared loudly as the change in miles per hour reflected my mood. Bella's tinkling laugh filled the air and I was nearly ready to pull my car over on the highway and kiss her senseless. Her scent filled the air and I nearly choked on my own want of her. I bit back my need and focused me eyes on her face.

"Oh, Edward! Look at the road!" She squealed and clutched my hand tightly.

I only laughed and smiled brightly. "Do I have to give you a refresher course for Edward Cullen 101?"

Bella rolled her eyes trying to suppress the laugh that was ready to break free from her chest at bay. "No, I think…"

"I'm crazy in love with Isabella Marie Swan…" I began as I began turning the black Volvo into the cemetery gates. The golden rods glistened in the afternoon light. They glimmered and cast beautiful reflections into my car and across Bella's tiny features. She looked like a goddess. Her dark hair flowed down to her waist and her cheeks were pink with a flush of embarrassment. She blinked her soft, chocolate eyes at me, and I wasn't able to finish my sentence. I detangled my fingers from her own and allowed the backs of my fingers the liberty of slowly caressing her pale cheek.

Need crashed all over me and I began shaking in desire. I fought the longing to kiss her beautiful pink mouth. We were in a cemetery. How incredibly sacrilegious. Charlie would turn over in his grave! If I even so much as touched her…

The smile was wiped clear from her face.

Bella's face drained of all its color and she covered her mouth with her right hand in order to restrain the cry that escaped her lips. Her eyes were wide and brimming over with tears, but she didn't seem to take heed. "Bella!" I took hold of her immobilized body and shook her- violently. She was frightening me. "What is going on?"

She tried to shake me off of her, but I was too strong. I pressed my fingers into the soft material of her winter coat, the feathered insulation absorbing my terror. I shook her for the second time. She pried her hand from her mouth and let out an almost inhuman cry. She attempted to turn her body and open my car door, but I wouldn't let her go. What was she going to do? Where was she going to go? What the hell was going on?!

"Bella!" I screamed. My only response was a deep sound that came from her throat.

"Edward, let me go. Unlock the door." She began working my fingers off of her jacket to no avail. Her voice cracked precariously.

"Tell me what's going on, Bella."

She turned her eyes into me and they were filled with tears. She pressed her palms against my chest and exerted as much force as she could against me. I wouldn't budge. She let out a scream of frustration as she became frenzied. I pressed her shoulders down so that she sunk into the leather car seat and she responded by scrambling in my grasp, crying. "Edward! Open the fucking car door! Let me GO!"

I was stunned into silence. I had never heard her curse at me before. My mind was reeling and I couldn't hold on to one thought long enough to think it through. One moment we were laughing and the next she was behaving like a maniac. How did this happen? How did…?

In my shock I hadn't realized that I had loosened my grip enough for Bella to wiggle out and escape the safe-bunker of my Volvo. Before I realized what was going on, Bella jumped from the car and slammed the door shut tearing off across the cemetery. I whipped my head around in frantic fear as I watched her sprint in front of my car into the plot littered with headstones and dead flowers. I felt as if I was chained down, drowning in my own fear.

There was a dark figure looming between the gravestones looking down solemnly. He was a big boy: dark and muscled beyond any human I had ever seen before. He was dressed in a pair of worn black trousers and a flannel button down, but that was all. No jacket to brace himself for the frigid February weather, no gloves, not hat. The only thing he had with him was a bouquet of flowers he was leaning down to place before a cracked and mossy tombstone.

I finally regained my senses and threw open the car door almost ripping it off its hinges. It felt like I was having a heart attack. Everything in my body seemed to be collapsing. Bella was running faster than I had ever seen her run before and she was making a b-line for the man at the edge of the burial ground. I could feel myself going into cardiac arrest. What was she doing? What was going on?

"_For Charlie,"_ resounded through my head and I let out a hiss. I've heard that voice before.

Bella ran to him, seizing his left arm with both hands, panting furiously. The boy was startled and jumped backwards, crying out in anguish and shaking his head furiously as he sheathed his mouth behind his hand. I saw Bella press her hands to her chest and nod taking a tentative step forward. I took off towards her running at a humans pace. As I got closer to the two figures, the boy reached out a shaking hand and grazed the pads of his fingertips against Bella's pale left cheek. She nodded. He was crying.

She was in his arms, his long, sinewy arms wrapped tightly around her body. One curled around her upper back and the other tightly around her neck pulling her into him. She pressed her face into his chest and wrapped her arms around his torso, sobbing. He buried his face in her neck as he gave over to his emotions. He was trembling with cries as he clung to her; it would have been comical to see a man so big and toned break down had it not been for the fact that his arms were wrapped around _my_ Bella.

My lips curled back to reveal my jagged, sharp teeth. A snarl rumbled through my body before it was released: menacing, angry, murderous. I was shaking, violently so. My hands were shaking as I reached them. This was it. This is why Bella had been so distant. I mentally berated myself for being so god-damned stupid. She was using me as a catalyst to get to this man. Everything was a lie- a fucking SHAM. Before I could stop it, a roar escaped my tensed lips, my heart shattering in tandem.

The tanned head snapped up. Recognition dawned in his dark brown eyes. Fear. Confusion. Anger. Fury. Vengeance. His eyes burned with intensity, his chin resting on my Bella's shoulders. He stiffened and she began squirming in his hold. He smelled of wet dog and matted feces. The combination of his smell and my agony was causing a choking sensation in my throat. I swallowed hard, but only a snarl of wrath escaped me.

Bella began shoving the boy's chest away from her, trying in vain to be free from his grasp. "Jacob! Jacob, stop!" I thought I heard her exclaim, but my sense of hearing had been mutilated. My other organs seemed to be twisting inside of me, tugging at my sight and hearing. I blinked. I imagined his tanned neck between my dead palms. I imagined one quick movement, his eyes pleading for a mercy I would not grant. I imagined the dead weight in my unfeeling arms. I reveled in it for a moment. I had never wanted to kill so badly in my life.

"Son of a bitch!" The boy screamed. His left arm wrapped around Bella's waist, flinging her body behind him. She stumbled and fell, a hiss of pain escaping her lips as she collided with Charlie's tombstone.

The anger that was balled up inside me erupted. I was suddenly nose-to-nose with the filthy dog. My right fist collided with his nose. The sound of shattering cartilage filled the serene cemetery followed by a howl of pain. The boy named Jacob clutched at his nose, doubling over as blood spurted in all different directions. "Don't you EVER touch her again!"

Jacob whipped his head around to glare at me. Slowly, I saw his broken nose heal. The bone creaked as I heard it bind again with the cartilage. The child began trembling violently with rage, his teeth becoming jagged. Bella jumped to her feet, seizing his torso and attempting to drag him backwards. "Jacob, stop it!"

Werewolf.

"Get off Bella!" His voice was deeper and I could hear the rumbling of an underdeveloped growl in his chest. I laughed out loud. Go ahead, Jacob. Try to hurt me. This could only ever end badly for you. Even if you did change, I could tear your sorry neck from its socket. Go ahead. Try me.

Jacob lunged for me, and I for him as Bella tumbled backwards for a second time. Jacob was much taller than me, but he had nothing on my strength. I took him down, my hands wrapped around his wrists and my knees digging into his chest. I felt a smile form on my lips. This felt right. Bella had used me, and I would kill her special friend.

As I was contemplating slashing his face open, I felt Bella's arms wrap around my neck from behind. The addition of her legs around my torso soon followed as she tried to pull me away from the tanned boy. "Edward, please!"

No. No, I would not give in to her. Not this time. "No Bella. You used me to get to him. I was just your god-damned play-toy…"

Her grip tightened on me as I attempted to throw her off of my body. "Edward, what are you talking about?" She screamed, tears in her voice. "I love you, Edward. I've always loved you! Jacob is my best friend! He was there for me when you left," A metaphorical arrow was shot through my heart. I glared down at the boy. "Jesus Christ, Edward! Get off of him."

Slowly, my find began functioning once more. Her best friend… Jacob. His words from long ago rang through my frazzled mind, _"He's at the funeral. Tell your family to stay the hell away from Forks. You're not welcome here anymore bloodsucker."_ He was the one I talked to that day. He was the sonofabitch that confirmed everything.

Bella gently pried my hands from the boy's flannel shirt as my mind ran through everything she had just said. She wasn't his. She was mine. He was her best friend, but from the look in his eyes, it was obvious that he loved her. My fingers released themselves one by one off the panting boy, his face taught with rage. He jumped up into a slight crouch, keeping his distance from me and eyes Bella warily. His thoughts were full of confused questions. How was she alive? How was she so beautiful? How was she with someone of vile as me?

Bella helped me to my feet slowly as she wrapped her arms around my torso, her stomach pressed against my left hip. She gave me a gentle squeeze before saying, "I'm sorry, Edward. I… I just hadn't seen Jacob in years. He was my best friend. He was on duty to watch me when I killed myself." I saw the boy stiffen and shut his eyes, pain invading his sharp features. His hands balled to fists at his side and he let out an almost inaudible moan at the memory. "I just didn't believe he was real. I had to see for myself."

"I'm real, Bella." He whispered, but he never opened his eyes. "But how are you? Did you run away with these god-damned blood suckers and lie to all of us, Bella? Please tell me anything besides that."

Bella turned her head so that she was looking at the boy named Jacob. Her dark chocolate eyes held anger and sadness and regret before the focused on confusion. "Jake," she began, choosing to ignore his rather rude comment. I wrapped my arms around her body as realization hit me. She was still mine. She had not cheated on me with the dog. She was my Bella. She would always be my Bella. I had to restrain from laughing in his filthy face. "You said that once the vampires were gone for a while, you would stop transforming. The Cullens have been gone for over a hundred years…"

Jacob's eyelids flew open. His nose was flaring and his eyes were blazing. "_They_ may have," the words dropped from his lips like acid. He seemed to spit them out before me, taunting me. He was asking for me to kill him. I would gladly oblige if he continued, Bella's "friend" or not. "but Victoria and her little friends haven't."

**Reviews are so very lovely. =] But, seriously friends, it took me eight hours to write this chapter and I actually uploaded pretty quickly. The least you can do is drop one. =]**

**_PS! Sorry for the re-upload. I wanted to tweak the ending a little bit because it sounded… off to me. Thanks and DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!! I'll give you all cookies of Edward's sexy body for your own enjoyment! =]_**

**_PPS- Please note that the rating of Through Blind Men's Eyes have been changed due to future themes and references. Thanks!_**


	17. Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

**Author's Note: Hello again! You'll all be very proud of me. I am actually updating regularly. =] Even I'm proud of myself, but that's not the reason for this A/N. So… basically as I was writing the last chapter, I realized I was going to make TBME really epic. Like, REALLY. Expect many chappies and good times because the TRAIN IS A'ROLLIN! **

…

**In other news, SINCE I plan for this to be super epic, I am willing to answer one question from each person. THE CONDITIONS: No questions like: "What happens at the end?" "What's wrong with Bella?" etc. These questions will virtually ruin the story for you, and I really don't want to do that. As you can see, I'm a pretty big fan of the element of surprise. =] But really, give me a few to choose from and I'll try to answer ONE PER PERSON to the best of my stingy ability. I love you all!! **

**Shout outs:**

**h- Thank you for the review. I know you aren't happy with Bella cursing, but it was a necessity. I do personally think she would resort to cursing if the situation called for it, but thank you for your input and hope to hear from you soon. **

**Hannah- Tell Jocelyn that I said thank you so much! That was very kind of her and I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! Please review again soon!**

**Jocelyn- I am HUGE with surprises hahah so except more of them! Thanks for turning Hannah on to my story as well! That was very kind!**

**Booksfoodandmusic- oh yes she di id! *snappy thing* hahah! **

**Icrodriguez- Oh, how you do suggest very interesting points! I'm pleased that you like the chapter I dedicated to you! I thought it was much more fitting than some angst-y trial. =] I love you and I love your reviews! Hear from you soon!**

**JG- The pleasure is all mine! Review again soon!**

**Biankis- hahahaha! Oh yes, VERY strange. This is only the beginning. =]**

**Waterlily93- I'm afraid you'll be on edge for a little while. There is still a lot of subplot and character development that needs to be done before anything gets revealed. I hope you stay tuned though! About your story idea: I'll take it into consideration. It's a very interesting idea, but I would HATE to take away something you created and make it my own. I almost feel like it crosses the imaginary "creator's boundary."**

**Musickidcalledjella13- 1. There was never any evidence that said she WOULDN'T. 2. Edward wasn't going to hurt Bella. He was going to hurt Jacob. 3. You know, the whole "out of your mind with rage" applies here. You'll get to read more soon!**

**Megan: Thank you so much! Please review again!**

**Shannonluvstwilight- I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much!**

**Devon Marie Darling- I changed the rating because it probably should have been rated M from the beginning. Suicide, thoughts of suicide, cursing, etc probably FALLS under the mature category. I'm not saying that there may be lemons, but I'm not saying that there aren't. THAT part of TMBE is still under some construction. Hope to hear from you soon!**

**Chapter Seventeen**

Bella's dark, chocolate eyes widen in terror. Her wobbly knees buckled beneath her and she stumbled in my grasp. I caught her around the middle and held her trembling body tightly to my own. I understood all too well. Victoria. Bella was frightened, and I certainly did not fault her for it, for I was scared out of my own wits. The last time Bella and I had an encounter with the vile creature, Bella was almost changed. She had been after my beautiful Bella even after I was gone. An eyes for an eye, however, got you nowhere with me.

_Wooden floorboards. Silent tears. Cries in the darkness. "Jacob, I'm so scared. She's going to hurt you and Charlie and everyone that I love. Please don't…" Her body against mine. Warm skin, breakable waist, explosion of love. "Bella, I'm never going to let anything happen to you." Sexual tension- heat rising and curing around our aching bodies. She wanted me. I wanted her. My head tilted slowly. Lips so close…_

I growled, tightening my grip on Bella. She turned her face into my chest and seized handfuls of my jacket. I glared at the boy named Jacob. My nostrils flared. A vivid and blinding red clotted my vision. I was ready to punch him in the face. I was shaking. He was remembering and I wasn't sure if I could take it. Jacob's right eyebrow quirked upwards and a smirk turned up the corners of his lips. He knew what he did. Motherfucker.

_Her head in her hands, her fingers massaging her forehead. The prick was in the bathroom and I sat next to her and gently put my arm around her slender shoulders. With my other hand I took one of hers and caressed the smooth skin between my fingers. She wanted to pull away, but never did. "I know what he did to you, and I promise you Bella, I would never do anything like that to you. Ever." Her cheek was so soft under my aching lips. I trembled for her. She leaned into my lips._

I roared, my eyes absolutely wild. Jacob only smiled and winked. I wanted to punch him in the god-damned mouth. Bella was the only thing from keeping me from seizing his head and smashing it against Charlie's headstone. I would laugh hysterically as I watched his smile disappear from his face. I even released a chuckle thinking about it. Glory…

Bella's head shot up and her eyes were full of angered questions. I was laughing at a very inappropriate time. Bella just found out that Victoria was still cavorting around wreaking havoc on Forks and I was LAUGHING. _"… but Victoria and her little friends haven't_" was on repeat in my mind. The severity of the situation was dawning on me. Her little friends. Her little friends? "What do you mean, _Jacob_?" I asked, his name dripping off my tongue like acid. "What do you mean Victoria…"

The boy named Jacob glowered at me. "Just what I said _blood-sucker_. She's still waiting for you and your family."

Bella turned around in my arms, tears running down her face. "Why? Why is she waiting for them?"

Jacob's eyes softened. Images of his lips upon hers entered my thoughts via Jacob's mind. I bit down on my bottom lip. I was going to murder this kid. "She never left. After you…" Jacob paused, rubbing his left hand against the back of his neck. "well, died, she knew. She's a God-awful tracker, but she isn't retarded. Once she stopped finding the pack in our stations she knew something was going on and…" Jacob stopped again. Moisture began pooling in his eyes.

Images of a small boy danced through his mind. The boy was running, screaming. He was trying to transform, but he was too frightened. He screamed unintelligible names in the darkness as he darted in and out of trees. There was a flash of red hair behind him, laughing maniacally. She was gaining on him, her hands outstretched. Jacob appeared in the darkness, screaming as the young boy's neck snapped and she drank from him, emptying him of blood.

I looked into the boy names Jacob's eyes. For a fleeting moment, our eyes connected and I understood his pain. He had lost a best friend. He looked away and swiped his sleeve across his face. "… she killed Seth." He swallowed hard. _Snapped neck. Blood spurting everywhere. Eyes wide with fear. Body mangled and white like death. _He shook his head and pulled himself from his thoughts. "And then that was it for a while. The pack broke apart. Seth was a key part in all of our lives. We thought she'd just leave, but… wishful thinking."

Bella stepped from my embrace and walked to Jacob, standing before him with her hands on his biceps. "I'm so sorry. What… what happened?"

He looked down at her. "She snapped his neck and drained him of blood. She was ruthless. I tried to stop her, but I couldn't." He was choking on tears. "I tried to save you, but I was too late. You had swallowed too much water and there was seaweed wrapped around your neck. I tried… I tried with Seth. I…"

Bella took the boy named Jacob in her arms and cradled his body into hers. "And then she started creating an army of Forks citizens. They control the city now. I… Sam and I have a really hard time keeping the attacks at bay. She's got a good forty or so and I… I just… I…"

My love shushed the boy, running her fingers through his hair. He buried his face in her neck and I began shuffling my feet awkwardly. "Everything seems so bizarre. I don't even know how you're alive. I don't know how I'm going to protect you. I failed Embry and Leah during the battle with her twenty years ago. I… failed you the first time and I failed Seth and Embry and Leah. I failed the people of Forks and I failed myself. It's only Sam and I now, and I… Christ, I…" He straightened and looked her dead in the eyes. "How are you back? How are you alive?"

Bella ignored his final question for the second time and whispered, "Jake, you never failed me. You were there for me when I needed you the most. I was just… so messed up. Please don't blame yourself. Please Jake. I'm sure Seth wouldn't want you to either."

"You never answered my question." He stated simply, his eyes filling with unanswered questions and pain.

Bella straightened slightly and blinked. "I… well Jake it's really complicated."

"Does the bloodsucker know?" Jacob's face hardened and he shot me a pained and infuriated look. Oh hello, Jacob. I happen to be standing right here? Am I invisible? Because the last time I checked I was casting a sparkle on a tombstone. Really, asshole?

My life sighed in exasperation, but the fear never escaped her face. "Don't call him that, Jacob. And yes." She answered. The response, however, was more like a question posed to make her believe that she was answering truthfully. No. I didn't know the whole truth and I wanted to find out so desperately, but how could I when she was slowly breaking away from me. I wanted to reach out and grab her, but she was too far out of my reach. "I made a bargain with Fate and she let me have another shot at the life I ended."

The tears in the boy's eyes continued to fall as his thumb and pointer fingers to his temples, covering his eyes. "That…"

"Doesn't seem possible, right?" she sighed, nodding her head and returning to my embrace. She stood up on her tippy-toes and grazed her lips across mine. I tightened my hold on her and had to will myself to keep control. Cemetery, cemetery, cemetery. "Yeah, I know. But I… who did she change? Who did she… kill?" Bella whimpered in a meek voice, clutching to my hand for comfort.

Jacob looked up, his eyes shrouded in indescribable agony. "You don't want to know." He croaked.

Tears began forming in Bella's eyes as she nodded. "I do. I need to know who is going to come after me."

Jacob and I growled in unison. No one was going to so much as TOUCH my Bella. I would rip off their arms. I would keep her safe. "No one is going to come after you Bella." Jacob hissed.

Bella tried to smile, but the corners of her mouth only turned down into a pathetic attempt. She swallowed before stating, "Yes they are. I'm here and I'm a new scent. It doesn't matter if Victoria is a horrible tracker, a member of her army might be a good one. They'll know something if they catch a smell of you. My scent would linger there…"

I pulled Bella in closer to my body. "I would never let anyone touch you, Bella. I swear to God. You are mine, never forget that. I will protect you no matter what the cost."

So low that I almost didn't hear her, Bella whispered, "You may say that now…" I was suddenly infuriated. Why did she not believe me? Was it because I left all those years ago? What I did was immature and stupid and I deserve all the pain in the world, but I would give my life for her. I would give my body and soul for her to live. Anything. ANYTHING. Louder she demanded, "Who?"

Jacob swallowed and glanced towards me. My eyes were hard and I was lost in my own thoughts. I was no help to him. He shut his eyes and rubbed his left hand roughly against the back of his neck. "Who didn't she turn is the better question…." He trailed off, trying to formulate the words before beginning again. "Once she found out you had died, she went after Charlie." Bella stiffened in my arms and a cry escaped her lips. "Nothing happened to him. Sam, Quill, and I watched him and kept him safe. That's… that's when she began turning on the town." He coughed and swallowed hard. "Um… She got Seth first, but she killed him. I think the first human she changed was that pansy Mike Newton and not long after that Jessica Stanley, Lauren Mallory and that Tyler kid that almost ran you over."

In my arms, Bella's eyes widened and she swallowed hard. Her hands flew to her mouth and a small cry was ushered from her lips. I pulled her back closer into my chest and buried my face in her hair, whispering comforting words in her ears. I didn't need to be able to read her mind to know what she was thinking. These were her long ago friends, but they were now subject to the demonetarizing life of a blood-thirsty vampire.

Jacob looked away and continued, "A few months later, she cornered a group of kids down at La Push. It was in the news for a while… um…" Jacob's eyebrows furloughed and he paused for a moment, lost in thought. "Lee Stephens, Austin Marks, and some Conner kid. There was a girl with them, but Victoria got a little too carried away with her…" Jacob broke off again, his eyes filling with tears. He turned his face away from us again. A shadow crossed his features as he bit down on his lips. "The final attack is where she gained the bulk of her zombie-followers." A small cry bubbled upwards in his chest as I saw a crumbled diner flash before my mind. Smoke was floating upwards and there was blood everywhere and a dead body in the middle of the rubble. He shook his head. "Sam's Emily took Kim to watch the Fork's diner, but they didn't reach us in time…" He croaked. "Emily and Kim were changed that day. I'd never seen Sam so angry or heartbroken before. He and Quil tried to stop her, but she… she snapped Quil's neck when he was trying to save Kim." Jacob broke down as he continued, "Angela and Ben were in the diner that day and they… Bella." The shape-shifter moaned in agony as he sunk to his knees. "I got there too late."

Bella's knees buckled beneath my grip and she screamed. "No! No, Jake! Where was everyone? Why couldn't they save Angela and Ben?"

Jacob shook his head, his eyes directed towards the ground as tears rolled down his long, pointed nose. "After Seth died, Paul took Rachel away somewhere. We still don't know where they are, if they're even alive anymore. Leah and Embry were torn apart trying to save Newton. Jared, Collins, and Brady disappeared after a raid of Port Angeles and the rest disbanded out of fear. It was only Sam, Quil, and I left, but after the diner…"

Bella tore from my grasp, screaming and crying until she reached Jacob. She pounded her fists into his chiseled chest, "Why couldn't you save Angela? Why couldn't you save Emily?"

He seized both her wrists in one hand and glared down at her through his own tears. "I tried, Bella. I tried so hard. I ran as fast as I could when I heard Sam calling, but I was too late. I tried so hard, Bella, I swear to God I did. I failed… I'm…"

"WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE THEM!?"

The hurt and sadness in Jacob's eyes evoked a kind of empathy that momentarily superseded any kind of hatred I had towards him. I took Bella's forearms in my hands and yanked her away from the dog as quickly as possible. She turned her face into my chest and began sobbing uncontrollably. Slowly, I caressed her head, pressing it firmly to my jacket. "Where are the newborns located?"

As if seeing me for the first time, Jacob turned his dazed, blank eyes towards mine. "They aren't newborns anymore… They were changed within a three year span of Bella's death."

A muscle clenched in my stomach as I calculated the number of followers Jacob had revealed to us. It truly was an army. This was going to be a terrible problem and Jacob and I both knew it. I had brought Bella to Forks on an innocent trip to see her deceased father's grave, but I had brought along the only thing I held dear. Bella. Her scent wafted through the graveyard and he and I both smelled it. They were going to know. They were experienced. Out of the many they had, one had to be some kind of tracker. They would find her in a mere few days.

"They'll come." He said his eyes blank.

I nodded. I knew. Bella continued to cry into my chest. "How long?"

The dog shrugged and I got a vile whiff of wet animal. I had to keep from gagging. "Not too long. They scout the area like fiends. That Mallory is a hell of a tracker.

I glanced at my watch; the gears slowing began chugging along in my brain. I had to get Bella out of here. Now. "Come with me."

Jacob Black cocked his head to the left just slightly, his eyebrows furrowing and his thoughts raging. He was confused and he was angry. He couldn't leave Sam. He didn't want to leave him. "Bring Sam."

"Why?"

With my right hand, I removed my cell phone from my pocket while still grasping onto Bella with my left. I looked up at Jacob. He was confused. I raised my cell phone upwards and waved it back and forth. He still didn't understand. I sighed, frustrated and frightened for my Bella. "We have to leave. NOW. Get Sam and meet me in twenty." I could hear the hesitation in his thoughts. "Jacob, I don't have time for this. I need to get Bella back home. There are only two of you dogs left. You can't handle this many skilled vampires on your own. Meet me in at the border of Washington and Oregon and I'll take you back to my family. We have to discuss what is to be done about the situation."

**Oh hey guys! I know this chapter kind of sucks, BUT please please review! I made a fresh batch of Edward cookies and their hot! Reviews are like my own personal source of blood that keeps me writing, so REVIEW! =]**

**OH MY GOD! HAHAH I'm really suprised that no one commented on how retarded I was... ahah. I legit made a huge mistake in this chapter! Sorry! It's all fixed though. =] Please Review!**


	18. From Protector to Protector

**Mini Q&A because only two people asked questions: **

**Do you plan on having Bella changed into a vamp?** Edward isn't even sure yet.

**Is Bella yet under the custody of the Cullens? **Yes she is. =]

**Thank you to all who reviewed! Please keep in mind that if you have not asked a question yet, I will be willing to answer it for you on my next post! Thanks so much guys! I love you all! **

Chapter Eighteen

I stormed into my father's house, my mind raging war upon itself. I seized Bella by her forearms and dragged her out of the car and up the brick steps to the front door. I couldn't look at her, it would surely shatter the resolve I have so carefully built. As she lagged behind, her tears continued to fall. I could hear the consistent sniffling: its only purpose to drive me insane. I wouldn't be able to concentrate knowing that she was so deathly afraid, but I couldn't dwell on her at this point and time. Sam and Jacob were about three miles from the house and gaining quickly. I only had a few moments.

I tugged her through the front door. She was attempting to resist my movements, begging me to look at her. I couldn't. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to see the tears in her eyes. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I was the cause of everything. If I had stayed and done my job properly the first time, Victoria wouldn't have an army, Bella wouldn't have died, and Mallory wouldn't be on her trail. Bella was paralyzed from fear and I was being forceful with her. I was truly an animal. My only reasoning and motive was that she was going to be safe because of me. I wouldn't let anything harm her. I was going to keep her safe no matter what. I turned to her, my face softening slightly as she stared back at me with a look of horror. "Bella, please cooperate with me."

Alice and Emmett met me in the foyer. Covering their emotions was a thick and impenetrable guise of pleasantries and happiness. Their minds, however, betrayed them. They were bombarding me with questions that I couldn't myself answer. Alice came forward and wrapped her arms around Bella in a gentle embrace in which Bella melted into, breaking down once more. Alice gave me a sideways glance before pulling Bella closer to her, cooing in her ear.

And suddenly I felt my world crash down before me. I was in some sort of butterfly effect. A twisted déjà vu. All the players took the stage before me: Bella the prey, Edward the protector, and Victoria the monster. And yet, I wasn't the protector. Maybe I was the monster and Victoria was the devil. Maybe I was the devil's advocate. Maybe this could have all been prevented. Maybe, if I wasn't so deluded so many years ago, Victoria would have been dead. Maybe I would have spent forever with my Bella. Maybe Bella would have fulfilled her destiny. But, no. Here was the set. The lights shone upon the company, the puppeteers from above tugging at the strings of my world-twisting, tearing, destroying. Bella was speaking quickly, chocking on her tears. I couldn't hear anything. All I could see was disaster.

Esme and the rest of my family soon followed my brother and sister. Alice untangled herself from Bella's desperate grip only to be replaced by my mother. Esme cradled the child to her breast as questions for her and I ran amuck in her mind. Though my mother held Bella, her gaze never wavered from my distraught face. She understood something was wrong, but nobody knew. They hadn't a clue what was truly happening. They didn't understand that those shape-shifting dogs would be arriving on our porch in mere seconds. They didn't understand, and I wasn't sure how I was going to tell them. It was my fault, and they would lay the blame where it belonged.

There was a loud banging on oak door behind me. I could hear Jacob and Sam's thoughts. It was time. Carlisle made a move to open the door, a questioning look upon his face. I snapped my head in his direction and halted him with one glance before shaking my head- 'no.' Slowly, I walked up to my mother and whispered in her ear, "Take her upstairs, Esme. Keep her safe for me." She nodded as her brows furrowed.

"_What is going on Edward?_" resonated in my head, but I could only shake my head at my mother. She would have to find out later. My Bella needed someone to comfort her, and I needed the rest of my family for what was soon to come. I didn't need to frighten my mother.

As Esme began up the stairs, I opened the door slowly revealing the two men. Never in my life had I seen such down trodden, ragged, and exhauster persons in my whole existence. Jacob had his left shoulder shoved into the jam of the door, panting. His black hair was short and uneven, chopped with unskilled fingers and in a free, fleeting moment. The deep purple bags that shrouded his eyes nearly reached his cheekbones. Sam was much taller than Jacob, but just as pathetic looking. His hair was long and greasy. His eyes harbored such abundant sadness that I had to resist the urge to comfort him. He had lost his lover, his darling, and I understood what that felt like. He looked as if Death had knocked on his door long ago, but he wasn't fortunate enough to answer the call. His bare arms were covers in a layer of scars and his face was slashed from his left eye all the way down to the left corner of his lip. I understood them, despite my hatred for them.

"Come in." I said gently, ushering them in.

I heard a small hiss sound from behind me, and it was only then did I recall the presence of my family. I turned around slowly bracing myself for war. The faces of my family were confused to say the least. Carlisle and Jasper stood erect, their eyes narrowed. Emmett had his arms wrapped around Rosalie, trapping her back against his chest. Rosalie's nose was scrunched up, her eyes blazing with anger. Alice was the only one that looked visibly on the verge of tears. She kept blinking her eyes and shaking her head- fear invaded her face. _"I can't see anything, Edward. What is going on? Why are the dogs here?"_

I nodded before saying, "These are the shape-shifters from Forks. They are the final remaining Quileute men to honor the treaty we have made with them."

Carlisle shot me a look of surprise and shifted his stance, "What do these boys have anything to do with us."

Behind me, I heard the two Quileute tribe members straighten their backs and protest with their thoughts. A growl of impatience began to rumble in my chest. "They have everything to do with us right now, Carlisle. You will welcome them, and you will cooperate with them."

"I don't owe these _dogs_ anything." Rosalie hissed. Her long, voluminous blonde hair swayed as she made a lunge for Jacob and Sam. Emmett tightened his grip on her and she ricocheted backwards into his chest with a loud thud. She hissed vehemently.

I was at her throat within moments, my left hand clenching down upon her milky white neck. Her eyes popped slightly under the pressure of my hand. A startled, strangled cry escaped her lips as my lips curled back to reveal my sharp, white teeth. I wouldn't think twice about ripping her throat open and leaving her for dead. "You owe your life to these men, Rosalie." I hissed as Emmett screamed out in protest. "You, Emmett, Bella, I, and everyone here in the goddamned room is in danger. So you either shut your fucking mouth, or I will rip out your throat and never think twice about it. Do you understand me?"

Rosalie shuttered beneath my hand as her glare bore into me. I was, however, no swayed by it, for there was still reminisce of fear behind her eyes. She knew I would harm her if I had the motive to. I had caused her bodily harm more times that I could remember during my dark time because she aggravated me to the point of manic hatred. Before I could respond to her glare, Carlisle was prying me off of Rosalie while Emmett was tugging her backwards.

"I don't understand, Edward…" I heard Alice's tinkling bell voice from behind me. Her words were thick with confusion and frustration, but most of all, nervousness. _"What is going on?"_

I swallowed hard as Carlisle released my arms and pushed me back towards the two men standing awkwardly in front of the large, oak door in the foyer. "Victoria," I hissed.

Alice let out a small yelp almost equivalent to that of a puppy having its tail stepped on. Rosalie rolled her eyes and Carlisle asked, "What do you mean, Victoria, Edward? She has been dormant for well over a hundred years…"

"Or so you would think." I hissed, cutting him off. I glanced around at my family. I felt like an outsider and in that moment I understood what it meant to be surrounded in a room of people, but feeling so utterly alone. "I took Bella to see Charlie's grave this morning when I came across Jacob Black." Jacob raised his eyes from the ground slowly and nodded his head at my family. He looked as if he were falling asleep standing up. "After Bella's death, Victoria ravaged Forks and created her own army of newborns whom she allowed to run rampant. The town is ultimately under the siege of her little minions. It's only a matter of time before they catch on to Bella's scent. They will track her. We could all die, SHE could die. I'm not letting that happen again. I can't live without her."

"_Bella, I love you." Whispers. "Jacob, you know I love you, but please… I." Rejection. "I understand, Bella. I just want you to know that I would never do anything to you. I would never hurt you like HE did. I couldn't. It's impossible for me. I love you, Bella. I love you so much." A smile. "I love you too, Jacob. More than you will ever know."_

I whirled around and glared at Jacob, my hands balling into fists. Bella was mine. MINE. I was ready to connect my fist with his jaw, but I saw that his eyes were closed and he had collapsed against the wall in exhaustion. I wondered when the last time the two men had slept more than an hour.

Carlisle scratched his head thoughtfully, "I… What does this mean, Edward?"

"War." A deep, husky voice sounded from behind me. This was the first time I had ever heard Sam speak, but just from the inflection on the solitary word made my skin crawl. He had authority, and you would respect it. There were consequences otherwise.

"Why?" Jasper questioned, tucking Alice under his arm and crouching in a semi-protective stance. I could slowly feel the ebb of serenity probe at my consciousness. No. I would not submit to Jasper and his antics tonight. I couldn't. I had to know everything and be in control of my own body. I had to memorize everything that was going on. I had to understand without the interference.

Sam took a step forwards, his eyes hard and full of a world none but he and I would ever understand. "She has created a sort of blood-sucking militia. They have killed all of my men. There is only Jacob and me now, and we aren't strong enough to hold twenty vampires in check anymore. They are strong and most of them are skilled. One is a superb tracker- I haven't seen one like her in a long time. They even have some from my tribe…" Sam trailed off and looked away and his right eye twitched. He swallowed before changing the subject, "Bella's scent was strong in the graveyard. Jacob and I did our best to cover its track, but there is really only so much we can do. They will know something is awry. Bell has been gone for one hundred years and suddenly her scent returns…."

_Screaming her name. "BELLA! BELLA DON'T BELLA!" Too late; she had jumped. She had taken a lungful of air and tipped her body forwards, her arms thrown out to the side. I screamed for her, running forwards, but the only thing that remained of her was the disturbed waves of LaPush. Foam and water engulfed her body as she became submerged. I jumped. I couldn't lose her. I love her. _

_I watched as the water ate me alive. I was helpless to the current. I was thrown backwards into the rocks and cried out in agony. Pain. Indescribable pain, but I couldn't stop. I saw Bella slowly singing to the depts. Beneath me. So far below. I went after her, seizing her wrists and pulling her up to me. Her head was split open and blood was spilling from the wound. She was deathly still. Tears. I broke the surface and swam her to shore, but it was too late. She was gone. _

I let out a cry of pain and swiveled around to face Jacob. He kept his eyes trained on mine and they were filled with as much ache as I felt. And suddenly I was furious. Bella was mine. He let her die. He didn't have the right to love her. She was mine and no one else's! "Sam and I discussed on the way here that it is probably crucial that we understand Bella's situation and…"

I growled before hissing, "It's none of your business." He needed to know nothing about my love. She wasn't his anymore.

Jacob, whose dark eyes never left mine, narrowed his orbs before saying, "It is the business of everyone who is to protect her. We cannot save her if we don't understand her back…"

"It is not essential to the problem_, dog."_ I hissed, stepping forward. My hand were flexing and curling at my sides. I wanted nothing more than to hear the breaking of cartilage.

He roared and began shaking. "Who do you think you are, _blood sucker_?" He spat and his nose flared violently. "Do you think you're protecting Bella? You're hurting her! They'll kill you all because you know something they don't. Victoria and her mutant people aren't like you! They don't hesitate to kill for the sake of sport. They'll snap her neck in seconds and she can't recover from that! She isn't like you or me! We can heal if we're given a minute. She is dead in an instant! Do you want her death on your hands for the second time? Do you want to punish her that way!? Do you even love her?!"

A murderous rage ignited within me as if someone had thrown gas on a Bunsen burner. I roared and lunged at the boy only to be halted by strong hands around my forearms. Jacob in turn was being held back by Sam who was hissing in his ear. "You don't know anything! You know nothing of Bella and my relationship! I love her you filthy animal! You…!"

"That's enough, Edward." Carlisle said. His voice and demeanor was cool and smooth- like ice cream on a hot summer day. Carlisle shot me a warning glance before he turned to Jacob. "So, Sam, what does this mean?"

Sam stood erect, "We need to understand everything that has happened to Bella in the last hundred years or so. They will murder for stupidity. Ignorance is no excuse to them, and that is why she changed all of her high school friends. They didn't know what happened to her, and she showed them no mercy. She instilled the same mindset in all of her 'children.' There isn't a way to beat around the bush." He pushed Jacob behind him and hissed something in his direction. "I understand your son is not keen upon this prospect, but it needs to be done. I don't know what will happen or how long we have, but we need help. Jake and I can't do it alone anymore. Ninety years ago when there was fourteen of us, we could have possibly had a chance. Jake and I are only two people and we haven't had a good night's sleep in years. They know how to manipulate us and do their bidding for them. She has taken my tribe and I want revenge."

Behind me, Emmett ran his beefy hand along the back of his neck and grunted. _"This is bullshit."_ I turned and glared at him. This was not "bullshit" this was life or death. I could taste the sensation of rusted metal in my mouth and I knew I had to turn away. He hung his head awkwardly.

"We will do everything we can to help you." Carlisle answered.

Sam nodded, grateful for the cooperation. "What do you know?"

My family shifted awkwardly and Rosalie stalked out of the room. _"This is ridiculous. That whiney bitch is more trouble for this family that she's worth."_ A low hiss escaped the barriers of my teeth. I would have to deal with the ungrateful child later. My family scratched their head and glanced at me, hoping I would have the answers to the one thing they didn't."

I sighed, tensing. "She told me that in her last life, she was supposed to receive her eternal peace, but because she killed herself and because she was bitten by James, she had a semblance of immortality and therefore couldn't completely die. She told me that she made a bargain with Fate to come back to Earth, and that was all."

Sam quirked his eyebrow and let out a small hum of questioning. "Bring her here."

"No!" I spat, my eyes raking over his nearly naked form. He had on jeans that seemed to be year on with large holes and a worn look. He wore no shirt, but his chest rippled with muscle. "Let her be and she'll tell us eventually."

"We don't have all the time in the world." He retorted, his voice oddly calm. He crossed his arms and clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "You of all people should know that. Bring her down. It will help us."

I growled as Carlisle called his wife's name. She appeared at the top of the steps with a composed, but shaken Bella. She chanced a glance at me. Our eyes met for a moment and I was drawn to how sad and hopeless they looked. She lowered her eyes before refocusing them on Sam. She tore herself from Esme and ran to the half-naked man, throwing her arms around him. The corners of his lips twitched upwards slightly, but he didn't return her embrace. Instead he took her shoulders and pushed her back slightly. "Bella, I know this may be hard, but I need you to explain to me the bargain you made with Fate and how you came back to Earth."

For a brief second she looked as though she had been stuck with the back of his hand. Her back straightened and her eyes widened. Slowly, she turned her head around and shot me a look that went right though me. She was contemplating- that much was written on her features, but nothing more. Her doe eyes were flat, dull and unresponsive. She stared at me for a long time bringing her bottom lip into her mouth and chewing it with slow movements. Her eyes then traveled to Alice for an instant and she softened. Her brows furrowed slightly before they smoothed out again and her eyes connected with mine once more.

Alice was taken aback by the exchange and her thoughts asked me what was going on. The Bella-droid seemed to go deeper into nothingness. I was a hair away from going to her before she blinked and all the lights seemed to go back on. Her body seemed more responsive. She straightened her back and gave me a sad smile before turning back to Sam. "I cut my life short because I committed suicide and because I had slight immortality running through my veins my soul couldn't enter Samsara- the wheel that holds the spirits after death for reincarnation. I was given the opportunity to have my body live eternally in my tomb while my soul floated through purgatory for eternity or be reincarnated as my same self after my death and remember everything that happened in my previous life. I'm sure it is evident the path that I chose." She turned around and smiled forlornly at my family. "And I assure you Sam, that that is all."

His eyes narrowed slightly as if deciphering if she were telling the truth or not. "And how did this bargain come about?"

She turned to face the Alpha once more. "When you die, there is no white light like everyone says there is. There is no door. There is no party of people waiting for you. There is blackness and smoke and fear because you don't know where you are. I was in this blackness and Fate summoned me. She had assessed the situation and told me my options."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The tension that surrounded us was thick and suffocating. I felt Jasper's waves of calm crash over me and this time I acquiesced. Sam stood before her, his eyes narrowed. Jacob stood behind him gaping. I, however, wanted to fall to my knees and cry. She was so lost, so alone, and I was the cause. I hated myself. I closed my mind to the thoughts that attempted their slaughter of what I had left of my sanity.

Slowly Sam nodded once before clearing his throat. "Yes, well… is that all?"

Bella nodded once.

Sam's dark lips smashed together in frustration. _"No help."_ He breathed deeply from his nose and released. "Well…"

"What can we do to keep the onslaught away?" I questioned, coming up and standing besides my Bella. I snaked my arm about her waist and pulled her into my side. Jacob's thoughts hissed.

Sam focused his eyes on me. "Jacob and I will keep watch on Forks. I think it best if you all reacquaint yourselves with the area. They have done a number on the terrain and towns since you last saw Washington. Anything that we deem vague will be eliminated immediately. We will, considering the circumstances, disband the treaty. We need your help, and I don't care how it is done."

I nodded, squeezing Bella tighter to my side. I would protect her until the end. "I will go with you tonight." Bella stiffened in my arms. I didn't dare look down at her. "I want to know what I am up against."

Sam nodded and turned to whisper something to Jacob before a small tinkling voice sounded from behind. "I'll come with you, Edward." Alice said evenly. I snapped my head around to look at her. Her feet were planted shoulder-length apart and her eyes were set. _"I'm coming with you." _I nodded, thanking her with my eyes. She smiled.

I then dropped my eyes to my Bella and my heart exploded. She was staring up at me with terror in her eyes. "Edward," she whispered, "please don't go. Not tonight. I… I'm scared. I don't want to lose you."

I smiled gently, pressing my left hand to her cheek. I caressed her porcelain skin with my thumb and memorized ever little cure and crook. She reached up and seized handfuls of my jacket, her eyes pleading. I bowed my head and conquered her lips with my own. The softness of her rosy pink lips was intoxicating and I had to fight to keep myself from abandoning all self-control. I tore my lips from hers and gasped for breath, crushing her body to my own. She buried her face into my chest and I pressed my nose to her hair. Strawberries and loveliness assaulted me and I had to bite hard on my bottom lips to keep from ravaging her. I took in a shaking breath and placed a small kiss on the top of her head. "I'll be fine, my darling." I croaked. "This is all for you, and you will be safe here. I will protect you."

She turned her face upwards and our eyes locked. Slowly, gently, I took her lips with my own and allowed myself a chaste kiss before I stepped away from her. Grabbing her hand, I walked her to Emmett who stood erect yet uncomfortably. I gently handed her hand to him and enclosed his large hands around her petite left one. His eyes widened slightly as he swallowed hard. He understood. She was his to protect now. I left him in charge of her life. "_I won't let anything happen to her, bro. She's in good hands."_

My brother and I stood before each other for a long moment. This was a symbolic moment for the both of us. I was passing on the solitary, most important thing in my life to my brother, the one I trusted the most. He was the protector now. The cast of characters shifted dramatically. Bella the prey, Jacob the ex, Edward the fighter, and Emmett the protector. I placed all my faith in him as I laid her breakable hand in his two meaty ones. If anything were to happen to me while I was gone, she was his to care for. Emmett understood this.

I felt a small hand on my right shoulder. _"Are you ready, Edward?" _I turned to see Alice with her jacket on and a crucifix on a chain tucked into her blouse. I nodded. She took my hand and walked with me to the door. Jacob and Sam were waiting outside. _"I would tell you what I saw, but I can't see anything with the dogs around. They block my visions. We're on our own." _I allowed my head to bob up and down slowly in recognition. We were alone tonight, Alice and I. We were in the hands of strangers and strange places. This was the beginning. This was the ending.

I couldn't look back. I kept my eyes trained forward on the tanned backs that stood at the end of our mile-long driveway. Alice clung to my hand, her mind as silent as her mouth. It was us now. This was the beginning. Who would be after us? Emmett? Carlisle? Esme? I trusted them all and yet I only trusted myself. I only trusted myself to keep my family safe. It was my responsibility.

I felt Alice's gaze, but I couldn't bring myself to respond to the glance. I swallowed and she squeezed my hand in reassurance as we met the shape-shifters. They looked up and I didn't fail to see the hatred clearly written on Jacob's face. He hated me. Good. The feeling was mutual.

"Follow." Sam stated simply. He threw his head back and howled as a think black mane sprouted from his body. Once the transformation was complete, the oversized black animal shook its head and took off towards the woods with Jacob in tow. It was only then did I glance down at Alice. She blinked once and we took off. _"Everything is fine."_

_-----_

The frozen, dead grass crunched under our feet. Alice still hand her hand wrapped in mine as she pinched the bridge of her nose. She was frustrated. The shape-shifters blocked all sort of vision from her and fear started to slowly simmer on her calm façade. She huffed angrily, glaring down at Sam who walked a foot in front of us.

We were back in Forks Cemetery and I could faintly make our Bella's scent. The dogs had done what they could to sheath the strawberry, baby powder, honeyed scent the best they could, but it was all futile. The scent was strong. It was as if her hand was in mine rather than Alice's. I groaned, my body aching for her. I needed her now.

We walked in silence for a while making our way around the perimeter of the graveyard. Everything was so eerily quiet that when Alice's thoughts invaded my mind, I nearly yelped from surprise. _"She was lying."_

My eyes narrowed and I turned my head to face my sister. I quirked one eyebrow upwards and she sighed, shutting her eyes. _"Jasper felt her uneasiness: her… hesitation I guess you could say."_ Alice opened her eyes and turned her face to me. _"I'm scared for her, Edward. She is hiding something that could be vital. She… I think she may be afraid to tell us something."_ I opened my mouth to protest, but she continued over me, _"I'm not saying she lied, Edward, that was a poor choice of words on my part, but she certainly is omitting information. I wonder if she may be protecting us. Jasper said he felt the hesitation when she was telling the dogs about the wheel of souls and purgatory. What I wanted to tell you though, is not to push her. She's frightened, that much is obvious. She will tell you when she's ready. Don't reduce her to tears like you did last time for she'll be less apt to tell you anything. Give her time."_

I gaped at the pixie at my side. What? I opened my mouth again, but my words were never heard. Jacob halted abruptly, his fur standing on edge as a guttural growl shivered through his body. _"Vampire." _He thought and chanced a sideways glance at me, cocking his head harshly to the left. I followed his movement to see an almost undetectable rustle in the nearby trees. _"We show no mercy here." _

I put a hand out to stop Alice. _"What?"_ she thought, but I paid her no heed. I kept my eyes trained on the wooded area before me. I heard a jumbled voice. One. One vampire. I smiled at the odds. Two vampires, two shape-shifters. Bye, bye young one.

_"Fucking Cullen."_ I heard the thought hiss vehemently. Oh, yes, this was going to be fun. I smiled, chucking to myself as I took off towards the trees. I felt the cold air against my face and I could hear the crunch of the frozen Earth beneath my feet. I was going to revel the feeling of a dead young one. They would never harm my Bella.

The thought cursed loudly and took off at a sprint, but it was no match for me. I saw the broad back of a leather-clad male. He was sprinting tin the direction of what once was Bella's home. I roared, leaping onto the boy. I wrapped my arms around his head and my legs around his torso. He cried out as he stumbled on a nearby tree root. I ran my fingers through his short hair, burying my fingers in it, and in one swift motion I had detached his filthy head. I threw it to the ground as the body went limp and collapsed to the ground. By this time, Alice had found me and had a hold of his left arm which she threw into the pile of limbs. As she finished the boy, I removed a fold of matches from the breast pocket of my jacket. Running the red tip across the black strip on the packaging, I flicked the burning match onto the appendages just as Alice tore his leg.

She and I stepped back as the body erupted in violent flames. They licked the milky white skin of the boy and I watched, transfixed. It was almost like watching hell swallow someone up whole. Sam and Jacob had been watching us tear the body and only then did they walk slowly up beside us to marvel as the flames burned an almost bluish-purple color. Slowly I took a step closer to the mass of mangled limbs. Staring up at me was the agonized face of Mike Newton. I smiled down manically at the burning body. I felt the heat of the flames against my cold face. This is what that prick deserved for terrorizing my Bella.

I was going to like my job.

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**Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah everyone! Hopefully I'll have a Christmas gift up for you before Friday =]**

**PS- I'm a Catholic, so I apologize if I'm totally getting everything wrong with the Hindu religion. I'm only working off of the knowledge I have of it from my World History class four years ago! Please correct me if I'm wrong about anything! **


	19. Typhon and Mount Etna

**THIS CHAPTER HAS A WARNING ALERT!**

**A/N- Hello readers! I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday! I'm sorry this chapter wasn't uploaded faster, but consider this my belated Christmas present to you all! :) I don't think you will be disappointed. ;)**

Chapter Nineteen

I was on heightened alert for the remainder of the night. After the angered, blue flames had dragged to Mike Newton to hell, I kept my eyes trained on the wooded trees. I was half expecting one of his mutant comrades to come after me, but the area was eerily silent after his departure from Earth. There were no sounds- not even the frozen grass crunched under our careful feet. The stars, which had been twinkling in darkened sky, had slowly diminished until they were unrecognizable. The silence descended upon the four of us- the hairs on the back of my neck stood up ominously. My fingers drummed against my thigh as I chanced deeper into the woods.

Sam had picked up Newton's scent and had left Alice, Jacob and I to scour the area for any other vampiric cults. Nothing. Beside me, Alice was just as unnerved as I felt. She began reciting nursery rhymes in her head before translating them into German and finally Dutch. Jacob was unfazed. He was so used to the destruction of life that he had almost become impassive to the results. Instead, he worried about Sam and prayed that he was still safe.

Sam did not return to us until a faint pale pink light fanned itself across the dark horizon. It peaked its weary head over the shelf of despair as it instilled the dawning of a new day. We had survived, and as we saw the oversized black dog trotting back to us, we released a sigh of relief. The animal went behind a tree before we heard a final howl. Moments later, the weary, jean-clad Sam emerged from behind a large maple and sighed.

"Anything?" I asked.

Sam took a deep breath before puffing out his cheeks and releasing it slowly. He shut his eyes and nodded slightly. "I followed his trail all the way to Port Angeles, but it gave no hint of the base whereabouts. The trail was one giant wild-goose chase. His scent was extremely faint in Port Angeles, so I know that wasn't where he began, but he made his was in zigzags for hours. He went from the Port to the theater to the highway before veering off to a neighboring town and making circles around it and turning for the Forks police department, the high school, and the hospital before he came here. We can almost rule all of those locations out, however, because he didn't stop at any of them. He only passed by them, hopefully without a purpose."

I quirked my right eyebrow upward in thought. None of these clues seemed to be able to fit together. This only went to further my suspicions. Were they on to us? Did they have someone to see into the future like Alice could? Could they read minds? Could they predict our every move? Were we only pawn on a chess board waiting to be shuffled whichever way they decided? But, were they even that intelligent to think up such a grandiose scheme? And the best question of all: did they even know the little punk was gone? If not, they were going to have a hell of a good time finding his ashes scattered throughout the wooded area, that's for sure. We could possibly have a pretty decent vendetta in a few days. "I wouldn't rule anything out just yet."

Sam nodded and turned toward the purpling sky. Colors shone dully in the early morning hours. The sun wouldn't be up for another hour or so, and yet the scene before me put me at a peace I hadn't felt for a few days. I felt Alice's small hand snake into my own once more. _"Edward, I want to go home. I don't want Jasper to start worrying…"_

The corners of my lips quirked upwards gently- I understood. All night I had a pit in my stomach as I prayed for Bella's safety with Emmett. I prayed I would be able to hold her when I got home- kiss her, touch her, love her. The emotions she evoked within me were like nothing I had ever felt before- not even in her first life. I wanted desperately to please her in ways I knew I couldn't, and yet every time my flesh made contact with hers, my body raged for her. I wanted her body, I wanted her soul, but most importantly, I wanted her love. I swallowed hard at the thought, sighing. If only it were that easy…

I had not realized that Jacob was in human form until, he let out a noisy yawn, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands. Sam shot the boy a glance before involuntarily mimicking his Beta's actions, shaking his head. It was apparent that they were both exhausted. I wondered when the last time they slept was. Silently, I felt remorse for the weary Alpha. We had a tacit understanding for each other. We had both lost the most precious things in our lives and had to survive through it for others. I understood him, and he understood me. I felt bad for him, and what I did next, I did for him, not for the son of a bitch that stood beside him. "I open my family's home to you. You deserve a good rest, Sam. We can send someone to keep watch during the day and you could lead another shift tonight with two others."

The Quileute turned and smiled remorsefully, "Thank you, but Jacob and I must decline. I cannot tell you how wonderful a nice nap sounds, but it is clear that we do not see eye to eye when it comes to your coven and I don't want to be the one to test my foot in the waters first." He shot a glance at Jacob who seemed to loosen his muscles. "Besides, Jacob and I can't afford to leave our turf. We can take shifts by ourselves if you send two more this evening. They seem to like to do their bidding under the secrecy of darkness."

Alice squeezed my hand. I glanced down at her curiously before she ever-so-gently tilted her head in the direction of the two boys. "Are you positive, because I am sure they would welcome you if you decided to come back with us?"

He smiled, but it faltered as he caught a glare from Jacob. "Yes, but thank you for the gesture. You remember the way to your home, correct?"

I nodded, outstretching my hand to the Native American shape-shifter. He took it hesitantly and I shook it. "Thank you for your help, Sam. It is truly appreciated. I'll send two more of my family tonight to help you after I de-brief them on what has happened tonight." Sam only stared into my hazel eyes, taking a step back so that he stood next to Jacob. "Thank you again."

Below me, Alice inconspicuously began tugging at my hand. She felt very ill at ease in graveyards ever since she had discovered her own tombstone in Biloxi, Mississippi. Alice began investigating her life five years after Bella's death, because it unnerved her that she could remember nothing about it. From what she could uncover from letters and newspaper articles, she had been instituted in an insane asylum and they had taken advantage of her in the graveyard to make her more submissive to the help. They wanted to silence her, so do to so, they would take her to the edge of the cemetery and whip her. They beat the premonitions out of her and forced her into meekness. After finding Alice's diary full with the psychic premonitions she kept to herself, they dragged her into the burial ground by her hair. They cut and ripped pieces from her long, dark hair before they thrashed her body around and leaving it for dead. Ever since her discovery, she tried her best to steer clear of the eerie tomb-ridden fields as best she could.

I pulled my sister closer to me before starting towards the house. I ran at her pace, but all the while I wished I could sprint ahead so I could run into my Bella's arms. I would kiss her and tease her and pretend that everything was going to be okay even when we understood that it wouldn't. She was going to be very upset with me when she learned that I murdered her once-upon-a-time friend. But whatever I did, I did for her safety so I could ensure a safer and better life for her this time around. Nothing would steal her from me ever again. I swore it.

So when I saw the Cullen mansion in full view, I took off with Alice struggling to keep pace with me. I didn't care. I thanked Alice from the bottom of my heart for being the one to experience last night with, but I needed my darling. A gaping hole had been forming in the pit of my stomach without her. I needed to feel her soft, warm body pressed against my own. I needed to feel her dead weight against my chest as she slept fitfully. I needed her.

I threw open the front door in haste. Empty. A wave of indescribable panic shot through my chest. Where was everyone? Where was Bella? I glanced around in a frenzied panic. Living room- empty. to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat. Behind me, I heard Alice take the steps two at a time before her thoughts came floating down to me: _"Up here, Edward."_

"Edward?" I heard a quiet, muffled voice from above. I run up the steps and nearly choked on my happiness when I saw Bella exhausted but alert, sitting in my bed with Emmett. Both Emmett and Alice were finicky and on edge, coughing. Their eyes were black. Alice stood in the corner of the room, her back pressed tightly against the wall and her petite fingers sheathing her mouth and nose. Emmett, who had become Bella's personal headrest, sat erect with one hand rubbing half-hearted soothing circles on Bella's back. Both of their eyes darted from me, to Bella, then to the window. Realization dawned on me.

"Where is the family?" I questioned, never taking my eyes from Bella's. A pang of guilt began to claw at my ankles, making its way up my body. Bella was dressed in a pair of my sweatpants and a tight-fitting green t-shirt that flaunted all of her curves in all the right places. I flexed my hand before balling it into a fist of desire, swallowing. Even through my longing, however, I came to long enough to notice the deep, purple bags that hung limply underneath her tender chocolate orbs. Her hair was tied back into a messy ponytail. Some of her chestnut hair had fallen out of the haphazard up-do and hung limply about her shoulders and face. She was beautiful and she didn't even try. I suppressed a groan of need.

Emmett kept his eyes trained on my face. "They left to hunt only seconds ago. I told them to wait for you and Alice to come home, but Jasper was like a cat on a hot tin roof- he couldn't sit still or concentrate for more than a few moments. He thought it would be best for him to get out of the house anyway. He needed to feed…" Emmett trailed off vocally, but his thoughts continued just where he had left off. _"He didn't want to hurt Bella or do something he'd later regret. He wasn't in the greatest of spirits and anything anyone did turned him sour. He was worried sick about the midge." _He tilted his head in Alice's direction. I chanced a glance at her as Emmett began again. _"Alice and I need to get out of the room for a while. I haven't fed in a few days. I'm going crazy, but I wasn't going to leave Bella alone. The family is about a half hour away. I'll take the pixie to feed." _I bobbed my head up and down in recognition. _"Oh, and by the way, Carlisle and I are going to help you're fucking dogs tonight. Hope they don't have fleas…" _

I smiled gently at my brother as he stood. Alice had already gone, and Emmett was quick to exit as well, but I caught his upper arm before he was able to shut the door on both Bella and I. "Thank you, Emmett. I couldn't even begin to explain to you how much you have done for me this night."

He grinned before dropping his voice, "Don't worry about it, bro. Just go to her. She didn't sleep a wink last night. She was too afraid of falling asleep and waking up to find you dead in the parlor." He chuckled to himself, "You've got a pretty fabulous girl there, Edward. Don't fuck up again, or I swear to Christ I'll beat the shit out of you. She went through a really rough time without you." With those parting words, he was gone and I was alone with my love.

I pivoted myself around once Emmett and Alice were gone. Bella had moved to the end of the bed, her legs folded beneath her. Her tiny hands gripped the bronzed metal of the baseboard that rose a few inches higher than the billowing white comforter below her. Her whole body was inclined forward, waiting for me to turn to her. Her smile was wide and full of relief as her lips peeled backwards to reveal shining white teeth. Before I could take a step towards her, however, she was in my arms, tears soaking the front of my button down.

Bella wound her arms around my torso, her frail hands gripping the wrist of the opposite arm. I pulled her into me, enveloping her head and shoulders in my arms. She trembled against me, gasping for air. "Bella," I moaned, kissing the top of her head again and again and again, "Bella, I'm here. Everything is okay. Everyone is safe. Don't cry, my darling, my life. Please, don't cry. I can't stand to see your tears. I…" My voice cracked precariously as I clung to her. I hated seeing her so visibly upset. I hated myself for being the root of it. I intertwined my fingers into her long, full hair and pulled her forehead into my own.

"I'm so glad you came back. I was so frightened." She whimpered against my chest. Her forehead was wedged in the middle of my chest and I could see her tears, blackened by her unwashed eyeliner. I drew her even closer. With my pointer finger and thumb, I guided her face upwards to meet mine. I kissed her cheeks, I kissed her brow, I kissed her ears, her eyes, her nose. I kissed her beautiful, plump, rosy lips… "I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to go to bed. I pretended everything was just one huge dream. I pretended it was still 2009 and that you had never left and the birthday incident had never happened. I pretended Emmett was still my big brother. He was such a good sport even though Rosalie came in at about two in the morning and read me the Riot Acts, but…"

My stare hardened. I felt my body tense against her. A solid lump formed at the base of my throat cutting off my saliva. From the lump came a rumble, small at first, but quickly gained momentum before tearing from my lips in a murderous rage. I tightened my grip upon Bella and glared down at her, my eyes alight with fury. Who did Rosalie this she was? Who the fuck had any right to talk to MY Bella that way? "What did she say?" I hissed, trembling with resentment. My voice was not my own, but of a man without control. I wasn't blinking as I kept my eyes trained on hers.

Bella recoiled in the barrier of my unyielding cage of arms. Her shoulders instinctively crept upwards, pushing forwards to create some kind of distance between us, her earlobes grazing the tops of her slender shoulders. A shiver jolted through her body as I shook her once. Her eyes snapped downwards to her fists which were pressed against my chest and a lever to escape. She shook her head quickly, "It's not important, Edward. It's Rosalie." She muttered, trying her hardest to keep her voice even and smooth. She swallowed, hard hearing her voice crack and betray her. She was frightened of me. She thought I was going to beat her like she had been hundreds of times before by her good-for-nothing step father. In disgust, my hands flew away from her body as if the fire that had taken Newton had ignited before me. My hands remained suspended in the air at her eye level. I looked wildly from my right to left hand- I had frightened her. I was truly a monster.

After a moment of self-loathing, my chin began to dimple with emotion. I felt tears pricking at my bronze eyes as I continued to gawk at the foreign appendages attached to my arms. I had let myself lose control. She was fragile- physically and metaphorically- and I had done nothing other than mirror the monster she had had to endure for years. By shaking her and raising my voice to her, I had sunk to his level. I had made myself comparable to a criminal. The worst aspect, however, was that I didn't know what I was doing. My mind and my fury were faster than my hold on my civility and understanding. I had betrayed my Bella. I had hurt her without the knowledge of what I did. I turned from the girl as tears wracked my body. Fingers found hair and I tugged sadistically at my unruly mane letting out a cry of agony.

I jumped when I felt two soft hands slide around my torso from behind. She whispered my name, her voice full of concern. I laughed at the irony. The all-mighty Zeus was consoling Typhon, soothing him and telling the fearsome creature that he harbored no ill towards the despicable animal that had ravaged Olympus. But the monstrosity, the _devil_, had torn the gods from their homes- thrown mountains in fits of rage. He was the most deadly atrocity that ever dared be borne to Olympus and abandoned by his lower-than underworld father and Olympian deity mother. It was his nature to kill and be a cruel terror because he knew not of control. He knew of no one to tame him. Typhon laughed bitterly as Zeus whispered his name, pressing the foreign body to his own tainted one. The hands that could still anything in the world caressed the vile outrage's face, gently- cooing.

I turned to her, still enveloped in her embrace, my mysterious tears leaving tracks across my pale, dead cheeks. "I'm sorry," I moaned, pressing my lips to her hairline, stroking her arms up and down. I threw my head back and groaned as I noticed red puncture marks in the shape of my fingertips circling her upper arms. She pulled my face don't towards hers and pressed her forehead to mine. "I… Bella, you know I never meant to hurt you."

I felt the thumb on her right hand rub my hollowed cheek tenderly. "You didn't…"

"Don't you dare try to pretend that I didn't frighten you or cause you pain!" I bellowed, taking her hips and pulling them into my body. "Bella, don't you dare. I never meant to, my love, but I… I'm going to murder Rosalie the next time I see her. What did she say to you, Bella?" My body was soft, but my voice was demanding, sorrowful. "And do not tell me it was nothing."

Bella's thumb halted its consistent up-and-down motion against my skin. She paused momentarily before letting out a breath she had been harboring, inching into my embrace. "She told me that everything this family has gone through was my doing as that I was more trouble that I was worth. She told me I ruined you and was the cause of all your grief. She told me that I was a…" she paused, and I felt her brown furrow in concentration against my own. "_fem-fatale_ . She told me I wasn't going to last long- that you had girlfriends on the side that I didn't even know about. She said I didn't know you at all and that you would tire of me in a few weeks. She told Emmett that if he was so willing to protect me, we might as well… uh, _fuck_."

I let out a sob of anguish, pulling her form into my own. Lies. Everything Rosalie had told Bella was a lie, that no good son of a bitch! I would tear her to pieces and make her beg for my forgiveness before I laughed in her face and fed her to the dogs. Through my enraged mental tirade, I heard a small voice whisper against my ear, "But I told her that I would never believe her, because what you and I have transcends beyond mortal and immortal realms- goes beyond truth and evil. I told her you loved me, and I would never doubt you, but if you did tire of me, I would never fight you, because I love you too much to go against anything…"

I pressed my lips to hers, silencing her with my mouth. "Never. Bella, you could never understand what you are to me. You are my life. You are my entire world, and when I lost you I never forgave myself. I wasn't living without you. I was a spirit, a haunting that passed from day to day with no purpose and no will. I will never stop loving you. You are mine-forever. Do you understand me, Bella? I'm going to love you and cherish you and protect you until the world crashes down around us." I wrapped my fingers in her dark hair and caught her lips with my own. "I'm going to be your best friend, I'm going to be the only man in your life, and I'm going to love you with every fiber of my makeup. I've never had a girlfriend except you, Bella. I've never loved someone like I love you- I have never wanted to. You are what God intended me for." I pulled Bella into me, closing the space between us. "Never leave me, Bella. I adore you…" I swallowed hard, my need for her overpowering me. I caught her bottom lip between my cold ones, sucking it between them. She whimpered, trembling as she collapsed into me. "Adore voi, Io adore voi. Il mio mondo, la mia luce, il mio tutto. Adore voi." I pressed my lips against her ear, my voice coming out in a thick, deep moan. "Bacilo, il mio tesoro…"

Desire overcame my being. With my tongue, I licked her earlobe, taking it into my mouth. I toyed with it, sucking and tugging it gently between my tongue and my awaiting lips. Her head rolled to the side, her eyes closed. She was trembling in my arms- one wrapped around her small waist, the other holding her back to me. It was taking every ounce of my strength and concentration to not bite her. Slowly, I let her earlobe slide out from between my lips before kissing her ear gently. My voice was deeper and full of longing as I pushed my lips against her ear once more and moaned, "Bacilo, il mio tesoro…"

"Edward!" She cried into the pink-lit room, her legs collapsing beneath her. Tightening my grip around her, I held her to my heaving chest.

All rational thought was abandoned in an instant.

I crushed my mouth to hers with a low grunt, my fingers splaying across her back and gripping her skin. She responded to my desperate kisses with her own fevered lips. Her nimble fingers found their way into my unruly mane, seizing handfuls and tugging it with every emotion she had in her body. I groaned against her mouth. _My_ mouth. _My_ Bella. My breathing hitched and I had realized that I had lost control. But I didn't care. Our lips danced, pulling and crushing, until bravely, slowly, my tongue trailed along her bottom lip. My willpower had diminished as I realized I was a product of swirling yearning. I craved her. I _needed_ her. My emotions swam in circles as I trailed my tongue across her bottom lip for the second time. Fuck willpower. Fuck restraint. Fuck self-control. Give me heaven.

She opened to me instantly just as her knees buckled beneath her for the second time. In the cavern of her mouth was ecstasy- I knew. Sweet, sweet paradise awaited me on the other side. Without a subsequent thought, I thrust my tongue into the delta of rapture, enticing her tongue with my own. She met me with as much ferocious thirst as I felt. Our tongues performed a tribal-esque dance in the secret confines of our love: twisting, pulling, sucking. I was dizzy with passion. My head swirled as I pressed myself harder against her breakable frame. Her scent filled my nostrils, sending me chocking on my mania. I moaned violently into her mouth as she whimpered, her fingers and tongue begging me for more.

I walked her backwards, slowly, until her knees caught the bronze baseboard of the bed. Below her knees, her legs hung off the twisted bronze metal. As her back hit the bed, I gripped the cool, bronzed bar- one hand on the outside of each of her knees. Our lips disconnected momentarily, but the loss of her heat against my body left me with a throbbing, gaping hole in the center of my chest. Below me, she was panting wildly, her eyes never loosing contact with mine. The dark chocolate color was replaced by a deep black. They were hazed over and smoky with passion. I growled in response. I understood. My knuckles turned a ghastly white.

As I replaced my hands with my knees on the metal bar, Bella began moving backwards. Her hands pressed against the overstuffed, white comforter, propelling herself backwards slowly. I smiled wickedly at her, as a snarl escaped my lips. Her innocence, my aching desire, and my undying love for her swelled to epic heights. Her head hit the immaculate pillows, her hair splaying out in hundreds of directions. She looked like a mermaid: her skin was pale and radiated a pink hue from the glow of day break outside our window. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically, and her eyes never left mine. When I remained immobilized, she propped herself up on her forearms. Her lips were calling to me, swollen and perfect because of my kisses.

I began teasing her. I placed one hand on the bed, finally the other. I lowered my head, watching her through my eyelashes. Slowly, painfully slowly, my left knee suck into the eiderdown followed by my right. My nostrils flared and her scent assaulted me. I howled aggressively, taking handfuls of the billowing overlay in my hands. "Edward," she moaned, calling to me. I complied. Like a cat, stealthily and unhurriedly I crawled to her on my hands and knees before straddling her. I cupped the back of her neck with my hand before leaning down and conquering our delta of rapture once more.

She mewed urgently against me as her steaming hands found my stomach. The effect of her heat against my cold skin sent me into frenzy. I found the hem of her green t-shirt between my fingers. It angered me that the stretchy material still cloaked her body. It was sheathing her beautiful, voluptuous curves from me, and I could not have that. With a snarl of determination, the shirt was torn straight down the middle exposing her flat stomach and lacy tan bra.

I sat up abruptly, the remains of her shirt wedged between my fingers, to gaze down at her beauty. Her eyes were closed, but her fleshy pink lips were open willing air in and out of them at a rapid pace. I bit down on my bottom lip as a moan escaped the barrier. She was so beautiful- everything about her. Her lips, her eyes, her neck, her breasts. Tossing the torn shirt to the ground, I lowered my body, pressing it tightly to hers. My nose grazed against her neck, up and down, memorizing every inch of her and breathing in her scent. Lowering my neck, I placed kisses upon her ears, neck and tops of her breasts before replacing my lips with my tongue.

My tongue darted out to taste the crease between the base of her chin and her neck. She was so warm, so _delicious_. Bella was writhing beneath me, moaning and whimpering as my tongue traced her jaw to her earlobe, down her neck before roving over the tops of her breasts. I left no part of her neck untasted. I took her collarbone between my lips and began sucking hungrily. My Bella let out a cry of passion before arching her back precariously to press her breasts against my chest. I moaned my appreciation to her collarbone, tracing my tongue across the protruding bone- flicking it with the tip of my tongue. I guided my tongue downward, frantic to taste more. Placing my hands on her hips, I bowed my head, downward, downward until my tongue slipped between her perfect breasts lapping and relishing any part of her bosom that wasn't concealed by the lacy bra she wore.

Bella screamed in hunger, moaning my name again and again. With her diminutive hands, she gripped the black belt woven through the belt loops of my jeans and thrust her hips upwards, smashing them into mine. I howled with urgency against her breasts, my sex tightening with compulsion. With both hands, I gripped her lower body locking our hips together. My head spun out of control. Nothing else mattered anymore. It was her and I- nothing, nobody was more important that becoming one. It was what we were destined to do. My fingers dug into her dimpled lower back, as I groaned her name to the pink room.

Still clutching to my belt, Bella began to moved her sex against my own methodically and desperate. She created friction I had never dreamed imaginable. The tendons in my knees went week and it felt as if someone had melted my joints and began pulling me apart little by little. I cupped her bottom with my hands and thrust it upwards to meet my bucking hips. She crumpled beneath me, sobbing and screaming my name, begging me to continue, but by this time there was no turning back. Ecstasy coursed through my veins as I propelled her jean-clad hips mercilessly against my throbbing masculinity.

"Edward," she whimpered beneath me. I responded by moaning her name in return. I lowered my head once more to imprison her plump, inflamed lips with mine, but as soon as I took her bottom lip into my mouth I froze.

Metal.

My hands released her body as if she was on fire, but I couldn't pry my lips from hers. Fear shot through me before crashing like a freight train around my resolve. I began sucking the blood from her lips involuntarily. I couldn't stop myself. My hand seized the back of her head roughly, pulling her mouth closer to mine.

Bella was crying out in fear beneath me, squirming. With my mind, I begged her to stop. I was afraid of doing more damage. My hands balled into fists, fury coursing through me. I smashed my fists into the bed screaming as her blood hit the back of my throat. Suddenly I froze. Everything froze. It was delicious. It was delicious but I couldn't stop. I was hissing, spurting incomprehensible phrases to Bella who began to lose strength in my arms. Tears stung at my eyes. I was killing her, but I didn't know how to impede myself.

"Tell me to stop!" I managed to hiss, but the voice was not my own. It was like a growl- dark, deep, and menacing. I threw another punch down into the eiderdown causing us to pop upwards like popcorn.

"Edward!" She screamed, beating my chest frantically, sobbing. "Edward, stop! Please stop!"

Her words cut through me, forcing me back to reality. We were on my bed, my lips stilled. My hands were entangled in her hair, holding her bottom lip in my mouth. Her palms were pressed firmly against my chest and he legs were curled underneath her in an agonizing position. Typhon had resurfaced, and this time Zeus wouldn't be as merciful. The gods would be after his blood. The beast has wreaked havoc upon the people of Olympus for the last time- he was dead now, trapped underneath Mount Etna never to be free.

I tore my mouth from her and sprinted for the opposite end of the room. My back smashed cruelly against the far wall as my knees gave way and I crumpled to the ground weeping. I buried my face in my hands because I was too ashamed to look at the woman I adored so dearly. She was alive, that much I knew. I could still hear her heart beat from across the room and I could hear her frightened tears and strangled gasps for air, but I couldn't go to her. I had almost killed her. I would have killed her if she had not fought me. Typhon threw his head back and roared in pain, smashing his fists into the wall behind him.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry," Ushered forth from the human head of the beast, while his serpent-like arms wrapped themselves around his head, pressing his forehead into his knees to shield away his humiliation. He could hear the thoughts and voices of his family approaching and he begged them to come quicker. He heard his brother exclaim something about the negative, frightened energy radiating from Edward's room. He heard his sister whisper something to him about running ahead. He heard the pair climb the steps, open the door, gasp in horror.

During this elapsed time, however, "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry," was on constant repeat. Over and over it played whilst the monster sobbed, his back pressed against the wall for support. She would answer him sometimes with an, "This was my fault. This was my fault." Until the room became a cacophony of apologies and blame. Each blamed themselves while the other tried to convince the former that they were to blame with the only four words each could formulate. This exchange continued even after Alice and Jasper had burst into the room. Both were weeping, howling with apologies. The monster had dried blood dripping from his bottom lip, while the prey had blood caked all down her chin onto her upper body. The morose scene immobilized each family member before they were forced into action.

Alice jumped for Bella while Jasper tried to console the beast. "Are you okay?" and "Edward, look at me," was added to the repeated record. Typhon reared his head and screamed his brother, "I almost fucking killed her! I almost _fucking killed her!_" Typhon tore at his hair, screaming and smashing the wall with the fury that consumed him. He had almost murdered the one thing he loved most in the world because he had no self control. Losing her would have been his own doing. He would have had to live with the knowledge of what he had done. The monster screamed until his throat went dry. He screamed until he lost his voice.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."

Jasper touched the beast hesitantly, pulling the slumped body of the broken man into his chest. He told the beast again and again that Bella was okay. Bella was alive, just a little weak from the loss of blood and scared because of Edward's reaction, but she was fine. She was in the opposite room with Carlisle and Alice. She was fine. She wanted to see him. She was fine. She wanted to explain. She was fine. She wanted him to stop screaming, it was frightening her. She was _fine_.

"I almost fucking killed her! I almost _fucking killed her_!"

So instead of saying anymore, Jasper sat with the monstrosity listening to the broken record of: "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry…. I almost fucking killed her! I almost _fucking killed her_!" until the Mount Etna had barricaded the voice within, shutting his noise forever. The beast then collapsed forward into Jasper's arms and laid there for an hour, contemplating life. How could he go on with the girl if he couldn't love her like she needed to be love? How could he endanger her life again? How could he have almost murdered the love of his existence after professing to her how much she meant to him and what she was to him?

The beast lay crumpled in his brother's arms until the pixie had removed him and held him in her embrace, whispering in his ear. "Edward," she said softly, "Edward, you didn't bite her. She bit her lip too hard and drew her own blood. She's still human and she still loves you. Bella is scared, Edward. She knew you would never be able to really hurt her, but she's been listening to you for the past six hours and she's afraid for your sanity." Alice pulled her beast-brother closer, laying his head on her shoulder. "She doesn't want you to think you're responsible for this. You weren't, and she knows this. It was an unfortunate happenstance, yes, but she's perfectly fine now. Carlisle said you only took a little over two vials of blood." The beast groaned, slumping forward in the girl's embrace.

The pixie, with the help of her husband, lifted Typhon up off the floor. They each wrapped one of his arms around their shoulders forcing him to walk forwards: right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot again and again until he was standing before Bella. Typhon raised his eyes to meet the girl and was surprised at how alive and close she was. Tentatively, the beast removed his arms from around his brother and sister. His hands were shaking as he reached forwards to touch the face of the woman he had nearly murdered seven hours earlier. He was surprised when she didn't shrink away from his quaking hands. He was surprised when she allowed his to place a hand on both of her cheeks. He was surprised when she closed the distance between them. He was surprised when she wrapped her arms around his torso and began to cry.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."

**So, what do you think!? Please review, guys! They are what keep me going- honestly and truly! **

**I love you all!! 3 Thank you for reading! :)**


	20. Schisms

**A/N- Hello everyone! I'm so sorry! This update is wayyyy overdue and it's not even that good. :/ It has been a rough past few weeks. A lot of life has gotten in the way, but hopefully I'll be back on my game again! Please don't forget to read and review! **

**This chapter goes out to musickidcalledjella and icrodriguez for PMing me and telling me to get my ass moving again. =] Enjoy!! **

Chapter Twenty

Bella sat at the opposite side of the room. Her legs were crossed in front of her and her head rested on Esme's right shoulder. Esme, in turn, had her arm wrapped around Bella while shooting everyone a warning glance. In her left hand, Bella held a yellow smiley face lollipop that Emmett had bought for her when he heard of what had happened. It represented a double meaning: to produce more sugar in her body from the loss of blood and an apology. Emmett felt absolutely terrible for everything that had happened that evening. What Rosalie said was unacceptable and completely out of line. After everything Bella had gone through, Rosalie telling the poor girl she was unworthy of anyone's love was despicable.

I could hear Emmett's thoughts louder than everyone else's because they were so full of emotion. Anger and hurt seemed to emanate from his very soul. He was conflicted. His hurt over Rosalie's words cut deep. "_If you're so set on being the _almighty protector_, Emmett, then why don't you just fuck her already? Make the _special_ bond a little more _special_. If you're willing to choose the little _tramp_ over your own _family _then you seriously have some issues, Emmett. You saw what she did! And she's out of her fucking _mind_ if she thinks Edward won't tire of her after a few weeks. He's getting sick of her _already_! She's really screwing with the family. Carlisle and Esme don't even want her here! I'm so sick of this shit," _rang through Emmett's mind on repeat and every time it was looped it got a little more defensive and Emmett added his two sense. This continued until Emmett was glaring at the unfazed Rosalie.

I myself sat in a corner of the room in an overstuffed red armchair by myself. I was still on edge, tapping my fingers against the leather exterior. My eyes darted from person to person to make it known that I was asserting my fragile state by sitting alone and that I didn't want anyone to come within a 15 foot radius of me even for our family meeting. I could feel the warm leather beneath the cold tips of my fingers. I could feel my mind narrowing on the strawberry scented beauty who sat next to my mother. The taste of her blood rang clear in my mouth. I wanted to taste her again, and that frightened me, because after the incident I had taken for the woods and devoured as many deer as I could find. Her taste never left my mouth and I found myself craving her all over again. I inwardly groaned and pulled myself upward, my hands splaying across the arms of the chair turning a bruised-purple color. This was torture.

Carlisle was standing in the middle of the quasi-circle the family had settled into. Alice and Jasper sat to Carlisle's left. Rosalie was leaning against the jam of the door, clicking her heels and picking at her nails in annoyance. To my foster-father's right, and closest to me, was Emmett. He was tapping his fingers angrily against the wooden armchair he was perched in. His lips were taught and harsh against his teddy-bear-esque face. He was glaring at Rosalie with all the resentment in the world and then some. Directly across from me were my mother and Bella. Bella's gaze never left me, but I could not bring myself to so much as look at her. What I had done was despicable. Even with my apology, my deeds were unforgiveable. I had touched her in inappropriate ways that no respectable man should ever touch a woman. I had wanted her so desperately that my loins ached for her. I nearly killed her with an accident. No, I was no respectable man. I was despicable.

To my right, Jasper, who moments ago was hunched over massaging his temples, growled in annoyance and pain. Ripping free from Alice and pounding his hands on his thighs, he screamed, "Will someone fucking speak already? The tension in the air is driving me insane!"

Alice reached for his arm, taking it into both of her hands and cooing. She massaged his bicep until he physically relaxed. She pulled him closer into her body where he rested his head against her shoulder and shut his eyes. She caressed Jasper's hair and cooed in his ear gently while giving us all stern looks. She slowly then began placing small kisses on his forehead and hands. I looked down awkwardly. I hated when they were intimate around the rest of the family. It made me feel like I was being privy to something I shouldn't be seeing. It just seemed too personal, too sentimental to watch. It made me jealous because I couldn't do it.

I cleared my throat softly to get everyone's attention, my gaze still at my feet. I had to tell everyone what had happened last night so that Carlisle and Emmett knew what they were getting into tonight. They would need a clear understanding of Newton's death and tracks. I could feel everyone's eyes upon me and I looked up tentatively to make sure Alice and Jasper weren't still all over each other. They weren't, and everyone was staring at me expectantly. I straightened my back slightly.

"I don't think we will have too much trouble with the mutants, but it's too early to say." Even as I continued, I knew no one save Carlisle was interested in what I was saying. Emmett was still mentally cursing Rosalie, Esme was watching Bella who was focused on my eyes, Alice and Jasper were having a conversation that consisted of hand squeezes and soft smiles, and Rosalie was being a bitch. What else was new? "Alice and I killed one last night, and Sam followed the boy's footsteps. They began in Port Angeles and zigzagged until they reached the graveyard. He was very indecisive when it came to where he was going. I don't think he had a purpose in anything he did last night, but Sam…"

"Why am I even here?" Rosalie snarled, interrupting me. My eyes narrowed, and slowly I swiveled my head to the left to see her with her hands on her hips. Her right hip was cocked and she seemed to bounce on her bended left knee. Her face was scrunched and full of annoyance. I sighed.

"You're part of this family, Rosalie. You are going to help us, and if you are to help us, you have to understand what's going on." Carlisle retorted shortly. Even cool-tempered Carlisle was beginning to feel the overburdening effects of Rosalie Hale.

She rolled her eyes quite unflatteringly. "I could give a rat's ass what…"

"Shut the _fuck_ up Rosalie and just _fucking_ listen to Edward!" We all turned to Emmett in surprise. His eyes were mere slits and he was shaking in anger. His hands were balled into tight fists and they were suspended over the arms on the chair as if he were contemplating colliding his fists downwards. I had never seen him so angry in his life. His glare never wavered, and Rosalie herself even became uneasy. Her eyebrows shot upwards in surprise and she looked taken aback with her mouth hanging open slightly. From across the room I heard Bella choking on her smiley face lollipop trying to suppress her triumphant laughter.

I cleared my throat after a moment of awkward silence. Everyone was still looking from Emmett to Rosalie to Bella before glancing at Emmett again and continuing the tension-filled circle. All eyes shot upwards to meet my face. Emmett's eyes slowly met mine and I stood, walking to him, and pressing my left palm into his right shoulder as if to say, "I'm here for you, brother." He turned his face upwards to mine and mentally responded with a "_Thank you."_

I cleared my throat a second time before I continued, "So as of right now, we have reason to suspect they know we are here. If one of her coven found it to the graveyard, the scent must have been strong. Someone must have known Newton…"

I heard a gasp from across the room, and I knew who it was before the word had finished rolling over my lips. Bella. Much to my dismay, Newton was once Bella's friend. He showed her around school. His family gave her a job in their family store. I mentally cursed myself for letting his name slip. I had been walking a tightrope with the name, and it suddenly seemed as if I had tripped and fallen. I shut my eyes tightly before turning my face towards my love. I opened my eyes slowly trying to avoid her.

I wish I hadn't.

Her eyes were swimming with unshed tears. Her brows were turned up slightly and her forehead was puckered with regret. The lollipop was now held loosely in her right hand which was perched on her lap. She had her head tilted slightly. "I'm sorry, Bella."

She nodded slowly, and I was surprised that the tears that welled in her eyes did not spill over. In fact, she straightened her back and nodded a second time. "Continue."

I blinked twice and avoided her gaze to the best of my ability. I was still humiliated. I was brought up better than to disrespect women, but the thought of Bella in my arms begging for me still drove me to mania. Our eyes had barely caught each other's since this morning, but all I could remember were her pink, swollen lips moaning my name. I could feel her small little hands tugging ferociously at my hair and her legs wrapped around my waist. I had to stifle my groan and pull myself together. I was speaking in front of my family. I hadn't even _looked _at her and yet she did unimaginable things to me. Just her _presence_s made me want to disregard my outdated code of conduct and make passionate love to her. And yet I couldn't. That was not who I was. That was not how I was raised and it would be me best to remember if the situation ever arose again.

"Uh… well, one of the coven was bound to know where Newton had run off to. They are bound to trace our scent." I cleared my throat before continuing. "This could go one of two ways. One would be that they would trickle in and we can kill them off one by one, but the other is that we would have to fight all her men at once. In that case, we have a very good probability of loosing."

Carlisle's ears perked up and he narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. I continued, "The dogs, as much as I despise them, are helping us. We must help them. They have not slept in months. I offered them a bed this afternoon, but they declined. They did not wish to be a burden, and instead they chose to patrol the area some more. They are going to snap soon if they don't rest. This evening, after the run, I want you to bring them here and station two of us in their place. They need to rest. We don't."

There was silence for a moment in which everyone assessed the situation in their thoughts. I opened my mouth to ask for volunteers, but before I could get the words out, Jasper began, "I'll go, Edward." I, along with everyone else in the room turned their eyes to meet his.

I nodded, giving him a small smile. "Thank you, Jasper. You will take Rosalie."

Then came my nightmare.

Hell hath no bound for a wronged woman. Suddenly, the subdued Rosalie screamed in fury. She threw up her hands in angry rage stalking over to me in her five inch stilettos. For such a pretty girl, she really made some disgusting faces. Her eyes were wide with murder and her forehead was puckered with furious wrinkles. Her stance was livid as she came right up into my face. I really had to resist the urge to laugh. She looked as if she were four and having a temper tantrum. To my side, Emmett was fuming.

"Who the _hell _are you Edward? I can speak for myself! I don't want to protect her. I don't feel the need. What, so you can run off again?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I think not. I'm so fucking tired of this shit, Edward. You put us all in danger because you '_fell in love_' and '_needed to be with her forever_.' Look how wonderful that turned out for you, huh?" She took a step forward. The mirth over her condition was soon wiped clear from my soul. I was ready to murder her. Her little white neck would look lovely in my fists. "Instead you tore whatever semblance of a family we had to shreds! All because of a _human_. A _tramp_. You don't even love her, Edward. You love her _scent_. You love her _blood_. You could care less if she dies- as shown…"

Rosalie was never able to finish her sentence. My fist collided with her nose and she let out a blood curdling scream before topping forwards into me. I seized her by the neck, snarling. Her back collided mercilessly with the nearest wall with guidance from my strangling hands. I shook her violently and the back of her neck ricochet off the tope walls. Her eyes were wide and frightened as she called out for help. Through my teeth I hissed, "No, Rosalie, who the _fuck_ are _you_? You have _no right_, NO right to say anything. You know nothing! You're mind is so _convoluted_ and _disgusting_ if you think any of what you just said was true!"

She was sputtering as my hands tightened their grip upon her narrow, white neck. Her perfectly manicured fingernails were clawing at my neck. It was only then did it hit me that she was the one acting human. Jealousy, lies, fear. Those were all human emotions- ones vampires would not feel when faced with a strangling. If Rosalie had really tried, she could have fought me and lost. Instead she was succumbing and begging for freedom. I threw my head back and laughed suddenly. "Look at you." I jeered. "Look who is calling the kettle black."

"Emmett!" She screamed as I thrust her backwards once more. Her body was attempting retaliation, but she was failing miserably. Faintly in the background did I heard Bella telling me to stop, but I was far too infuriated to ever allow Rosalie's neck feel a reprieve from my hands.

"Listen to me you bitch." I snarled into Rosalie's face, our noses grazing and my teeth bared. "I love her more than I love my own life. I would do anything for her. She is my everything, my _life_. You have no right to judge what you don't understand. I make mistakes. You just made a huge one. I am ashamed to call you my brother's girlfriend. I'm ashamed to have even known you." Rosalie finally took in that no one had come to her rescue. Squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin, she began to push my chest and struggle against me harder. "You will help this family Rosalie because you are part of it whether I like it or not. If you will not help me, the door is right there. I'm sure no one will stop you."

And I let her go.

I took a step back and watched as she straightened her shirt and hair. Her blonde tresses were matter on the left side. She quickly ran her fingers through the golden strands before flipping her hair backwards and glaring at me. Mockingly, I stepped aside and bowed directing my arms towards the door. In her head, Alice burst out in laughter, but when I glanced in her direction she showed no emotion.

Rosalie focused her eyes on Emmett and took the space between them in two strides. He was still sitting. She stood over him, glaring down at him before hauling off and smacking his face with the palm of her hand as hard as she could. Emmett did not react. His facial expression never altered as he stood up, pushed the chair backwards, and folded his arms across his chest. Rosalie was huffing as she glowered, "How could you allow him to make a fool out of me, Emmett?"

Emmett cocked his right eyebrow before chuckling softly to himself, "He didn't need to do anything, Rosalie. You did a fabulous job of it yourself."

Emmett was never one to talk back to his girl. Rosalie gasped audibly and blinked twice as she processed what had just occurred. Her nostrils flared and her mouth hung open for a moment. She had no friends. She was on her own. Not even Emmett, who always fought her battles for her would help her now. For the first time in the history of Rosalie Hale's consciousness, she understood that everyone thought she was wrong. "Fuck you, Emmett."

"No, Rosalie," Emmett answered, his voice calm and collected even though his thoughts betrayed him. He had never been angrier in his entire existence. The things coming out of Emmett's thoughts were the stuff of vulgarity to the hundredth degree. "fuck _you_."

Jasper applauded his brother in his head, Alice was flabbergasted, and Carlisle and Esme were unreadable. They kept their thoughts censored from my probing mind with the recitation of _The Sun Also Rises_ in Italian. I glanced over to them for a moment and saw, however, that they were having a private conversation with their eyes. They were worried. Bella was trying to stand up but was held in place by Esme. She was struggling against the wall of vampire that was keeping her at bay. She was quietly calling Rosalie's name in some sort of hopeless display of pity. I wanted to go to her, but the taste of her blood hit the back of my throat once again. I was ready to double over with the intensity of it. I had to get out.

Without any explanation or hint as to what I was doing, I walked directly out of the room, out the front door, and down the long winding driveway to my car. I took in a deep breath. Cold air trembled in the cavern of my mouth and I smiled. I could breathe again. I leaned against my car, my hand caressing the black paint. I needed to be outside where there were hundreds of different scents that I could focus on and not hers. I wasn't sure how well I would fare with her so soon. Everything had gone much worse than I had expected. I was frightened for her, myself, and my family. I had torn everyone apart. This was really all my doing. I let my head fall back onto the roof of my car and I exhaled loudly.

"What's got you all worked up for?" I looked to my left to find my sister. I glanced at Alice from the corners of my weary eyes. She came to stand next to me assuming a similar position. "From what I see, she's going to be fine." She chuckled, "No emotional damage or anything."

"This isn't funny, Alice."

She sobered quickly, "I didn't mean to insinuate that it was, Edward. I'm sorry." There was a silent pause. She wasn't finished, however. "But you really shouldn't hinder yourself from being with her because of an accident that you didn't even cause."

I grunted, "I thought we went over this, Alice. It was my fault no matter how the dice fell. If I hadn't been so… _lustful_ she wouldn't have been put in that kind of danger. Can't you just allow me to wallow in my own self pity for a while?"

"Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world."

I allowed my head to roll to the side so that I was staring her in the face. "Helen Keller." She nodded. I released a breath I had not realized I was holding in. "You know, Alice. I really hate it when you're right."

She laughed suddenly. The sounds of tinkling bells floated loudly through the air before quieting down with a smile. The serenity of a dear moment between brother and sister was disrupted by a thunderous scream that emanated from inside the house. "It's like World War Three in there, let me tell you."

"How is Rosalie taking defeat?" I questioned. Alice smiled, shaking her head as Rosalie's shrieks sounded from inside. "I take it not very well."

"You would be correct." She let out a haphazard laugh. "She's just a bitch though, honestly. I love her to death, she's my sister, but I really can't stand her when she becomes 'high and mighty protector to the family.' I think he's had it up to here with Rosalie and her shit." Alice brought her hand up to her forehead and shook it slightly. What she said was really out of line. The whole family knew it- Emmett the most. That oaf loves little Bella."

I nodded, the corners of my lips tugging upwards involuntarily. "Who doesn't?"

"Touché." Alice laughed again.

"How are you eyes doing? Are you still having the vision issue?"

The amicable surrounding of our meeting was halted by my statement. Alice was quite sober now- frightened even. She caught my gaze and shook her head, lowering her eyes. "It's really starting to bother me. I don't really let anyone on anymore, but the loss of sight happens a lot more frequently and very sporadically. Like, one moment I can see fine and the next I'm fluctuating between vision and blindness. It's really bizarre."

"Have you talked to Carlisle yet?"

She nodded, a worried look plaguing her topaz eyes. "Yeah, he says that it's probably just a phase. He said you had a phase a few years ago, but I didn't want to mention that it was a self-created phase. You didn't want to hear thoughts anymore." Suddenly she realized what she had said and her head snapped up, "Oh, Edward… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…

I shook my head in response, blinking. "I understood what you meant."

There was an awkward silence in which we both turned as were leaning back on the car once more. We could hear Emmett and Rosalie going at it inside. Insults were running rampant and Carlisle had joined in on the screaming match. "I can't see what's next for us." She whispered into the wind. I rolled my head to the side once more and quirked my eyebrow. "I can barely see things in advance anymore. It's really a day by day breakdown now. Sometimes even hour by hour." She swallowed hard and looked down. "Sometimes when I try and probe the future, my vision goes black. Other times I can see little snippets here and there, but nothing really substantial."

"What does that mean? Are you losing your gift?"

Alice shrugged the little blue sweater she wore caught on the wind. She never met my eyes. "I have no idea. I think something is wrong with me."

"What is it centered around?"

"That's what I'm mostly curious about myself." Alice answered truthfully. "At first I thought it was you. Every time I'd try and look into your future everything would turn a hazy gray color and eventually it would become black, but lately every time I'm with Carlisle I get these odd vacillations."

"Me?" my interest piqued. What was wrong with me?

Alice understood what I had meant with my defensive question and answered, "Nothing is wrong with you, Edward. If you remember you everyone used to do everything together. I could have been anyone, really. I have no sound proof on anything."

I nodded and looked away, contemplating. Me? What could I possibly do to cause Alice to lose her sight? Then again, I wasn't too aware of what I was doing to myself for the past few weeks, let alone anyone else. I still didn't fully understand what was going on with Bella and her deal of Fate or whatever she called it. The whole thing almost unnerved me and made me anxious. I had no idea what this "deal" entailed, but I was taking Alice's suggestion to let it go for the time being. She would come to me when she felt ready enough to explain to me what she was going through.

My thoughts were interrupted suddenly by the smash of the door against the house and Rosalie's piercing angered screams. "This is bullshit, Emmett. I'm done. I'm seriously fucking done!"

Emmett appeared at the mouth of the door, clutching the crowning on the entry way. He roared, "So go then Rosalie! I don't know what else to say to you! She's my family too! Stop being such a melodramatic drama queen…"

The blonde jabbed her finger in Emmett's direction, shrieking, "Don't you _dare_, Emmett! Don't you fucking dare!"

"…attention whore!"

Rosalie took off without another word, sprinting for the woods. Alice jumped up and began calling out Rosalie's name, but it was too late. Rosalie became a blonde blur for mere seconds and then she was gone. Alice shot me a frightened look which I quickly returned. Who knew was Rosalie was capable of? I nodded and the pixie sprinted after her sister calling her name into the open air. In the doorway, Emmett collapsed against the door jam and mopped his face with his hand. He was exhausted and upset, that was visible. His large hand paused over his eyes. He shook his head sadly, slowly, before roaring in frustration and beating his fist against the wall and ducking back inside.

**PLEASE READ!**

**Some people had a question about the Italian in the last chapter:**

"**Adore voi, Io adore voi. Il mio mondo, la mia luce, il mio tutto. ****Adore voi.** **Bacilo, il mio tesoro." Is loosely translated to Adore you, I adore you. My world, my life, my all. I adore you. Kiss me my darling. **

**Hope that clears everything up!**

**Please please please please read and review!! Those wonderful responses are what make me write faster ;)**


	21. Atropos' Revenge

**_Sorry for the repost friends!! I made some slight changes that are actually very important to the plot! :) Enjoy!_**

**Shout OUTSSSS!**

**Denisemh- I don't really have a set schedule. It's really more a matter of when the muses bless me with their presence. Lately it's been a little longer just because I've had a really rough few weeks with college stuff, but I try to update at least once a week.**

**Devon Marie Darling- I hope this was quick enough for you! Enjoy! =]**

**Samesuhso- Well, you'll see. =] Enjoy and please review again!**

**Icrodriguez- I'm glad you liked it! I hope you like this one even more! Personally, I think it's much better, but that's not really saying much! Haha! Enjoy! **

**m- Well, thank you! I hope you like this one just as much! **

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Alice and Rosalie didn't return for three weeks.

By now, it was now late- March. The trees had begun to bloom. Pink, purple, and yellow buds sprung up on the rickety, twisted branches. The plants were turning a forest green and began swaying it the crisp March air. Breezes replaced gusts, life replaced death, and light replaced dark. It was lighter longer now, not that anyone would notice. The plants may have become verdant, but the rain and dreariness had never lessened. You could see the shimmering raindrops longer now, and I would find myself staring out windows for a long period of time. I memorized the way the little particles of water reacted when hit with sunlight. I memorized the color they made. I memorized the shape the made when they fell. I memorized how long it took for a raindrop to slide from one edge of a wonder to another. That was about the only thing I ever watched.

The passing three weeks were the slowest and most strenuous twenty one days I had had in a long time. Jasper was always on edge, checking his phone and walking outside. He missed Alice dearly, and he was afraid that something had happened to her. She always called to fill him in on everything. This "trip"- nothing. No one received any kind of communication from Rosalie or Alice. This set Jasper over the brink. He even had to exile himself from the family because of his temper for days in which he would go "hunting." We all knew he was searching to Alice.

Emmett, on the other hand, could hardly stand to be in anyone's company but mine for longer than a few seconds. He blamed himself for their extended absence. He imagined the worst. He saw them, ripped limb from limb, set on fire, massacred by the dogs, drowned, eaten- you name it, he had a scenario on it. He called Rosalie's mobile twelve times a day, and by day three her inbox was too full to receive any voicemails. He had thrown his phone across the room in defeat, slumping into the nearest chair and dry-heaving sob after sob. I would comfort him and assure him that the girls were fine, but he would always counter that it didn't matter if they were alright or not. It was his fault she had left and Alice had gone after her. He shouldn't have been so cruel.

Carlisle and Esme were worried. Carlisle had called Eleazar Denali and asked him to watch out for his girls. Eleazar passed the message along to all the covens he knew, but none of them ever got back to us. Eleazar called everyday with the same update, "I'm sorry Carlisle." Carlisle would tank him anyway and disconnect, but not before slumping his shoulders and sighing heavily. As much as he was annoyed by Rosalie and her outrageously jealous antics, he still loved her as if she was his own daughter. Esme shared the common viewpoint. She was especially broken by the loss of her only two daughters. The only thing that kept her sane was Bella.

Bella…

Since the accident, I had been keeping Bella at arm's length. At first, she would come to me, crying asking what she had done wrong. I could never give her an answer other than, "Bella, what I did was wrong." She never believed me even though I desperately wanted her to. The truth was, I was frightened. Whenever we were in the same room together, I could taste her blood at the back of my throat. I could taste the way her body felt begging for me. I could hear her moans of desperation as I kissed her. I could feel myself wanting to disregard any semblance of a visage I had of being a gentleman- I wanted to make love to her. That's the only thing I wanted. I wanted to please her. I wanted to love her. I wanted to make her mine, but I knew I couldn't live with myself if I tainted her purity before wedlock. So I stayed my distance.

The more I stepped back, the blanker her stares became. I wouldn't stand near her. I wouldn't hold her hand. I wouldn't hug her. I wouldn't sleep next to her. I barely even looked at her, but when I did I hated myself to my very core. She could be in a room with you, but you were never really seen. She was in her own world, her own frighteningly sad world. Her face was void of any emotion- a blank slate. Her once over expressive chocolate eyes were dull. They no longer shone. Her sighs were heavy and her heart was low. She would spend days at the window with one palm pressed against the cold glass just staring out into the abyss. Looking but never really seeing. Touch by never really feeling. She was in a kind of limbo between consciousness and walking death.

It broke my heart to see her so shattered and alone, especially because I knew I was the cause of it. I couldn't bring myself to her though. I wanted her happiness, but I didn't want to run the risk of killing her like I nearly had. I wanted her to understand how torn apart I was from the whole ordeal, how _shaken_. She never believed me. She only believed that I didn't love her anymore. I could read it in her dull eyes when she didn't realize I was watching her. Her demons had taken over her, and she was no longer trying to fight them off.

Bella took to ducking away for hours in her room. No one ever knew what she did in there- no one wanted to ask and unset her. Whenever she emerged, however, her eyes looked a little duller. Her face was a little more sullen. She looked as though her one to two hour sessions with herself were absolutely draining. She looked a little closer to death every day.

On March 31st, the rain was unrelenting. I had been sitting in the downstairs library with a book lying open idly on my lap. I sighed as I glanced out the window. Little rain drops chased each other down the glass windowpanes. One by one I watched them dance with each other. Left. Right. I smiled before pressing the pad of my right pointed finger against the pane where a raindrop had halted in it track. The raindrop was alone, trembling in place. It couldn't decide if it was going to splatter or continue on its spiral downward. I hummed softly to myself, pressing my finger harder upon the surface. The drop wavered there for another second before finally cascading downwards.

It was only then did I see them.

Four miles down the road were two shadowy figures limping towards us. I sat up straighter in my chair, placing the book down on the light stand beside me. Slowly, the two silhouettes trudged forward. One stumbled. The two stopped for a moment in which the taller of the two hunched over and lifted the fallen other up. The taller one swiped something off of her companion's clothing, her hand shaking. The companion nodded, hugging the other.

By this time, I had jumped up screaming, "Jasper! Emmett!"

I took towards the door, throwing it open and sprinting down the driveway. The two silhouettes had notice me by now. They stood three miles away now. The small figure tilted to the side and collided with the arm of the tall shadow. The majestically tall girl caught her companion and held her upright. They stood still.

It wasn't until I came closer did I how badly Rosalie and Alice were injured. Alice had collapsed in Rosalie's arms, and Rosalie was slowly sinking to her knees under her sister's weight. Alice was blocked from view, but Rosalie had bite marks all down her bare arms and puncture wounds on her chest. I called out to them and Rosalie responded in a choked voice, calling for help.

Rosalie sunk to her knees just as I approached them, panting. Behind me, I could hear Jasper and Emmett merely stirring in the house. I dropped to the ground and rolled Alice over. My stomach churned in disbelief and fear. Across her face were three open lacerations that stemmed from her left temple and stopped at base of her neck on the same side. The gashes were cut into the tip of her eyelid, nose, and left corner of her mouth and only then did they veer downwards.

"Rosalie, what…"

The blonde burst into tears, seizing Alice's right hand in both of hers. Alice was glancing up from me from my lap, blinking and focusing. Jasper and Emmett were screaming now, sprinting towards the three of us. I would have looked to them, but I had never seen such a sight as the one that was before me. Vampires couldn't get mortally wounded. We lived until we were ripped and burned. Rosalie began muttering something unintelligible as I traced the open wounds on Alice's face with the pads of the fingers on my right hand. Her eyes never left my face. She only blinked and said my name once.

I was suddenly jostled backwards, thrown onto my back as I heard Jasper scream in agony. Seizing the pixie in his arms, he clutched her to his chest. She winces, the cuts not fully healed. "Jasper," she whispered, "Jasper… you're hurting me." Emmett had Rosalie in his embrace, placing fervent kisses upon her trembling lips as she tried to pull away. She mumbled my name, but the only word I could understand was "_monster."_

I scrambled forward on my knees, pulling Emmett away from Rosalie. "What Rosalie, what the hell happened?"

She shook her head, the blonde hair on her head matted and singed. "It's nothing like I've ever seen before."

To my right, Alice was speaking to Jasper who was pressing his lips gently to the wounds on her face. She was cringing at the pain, her eyes closed and her teeth clenched. "Why aren't you healed? What happened?"

Rosalie blinked thrice and glanced at Alice. Alice shivered in Jasper's arms. The blonde blinked twice more before she looked me directly in the eyes. "I was so angry I didn't know where I was going, I just ran. Alice followed me to get me to come back but I didn't want to hear it. I was so upset and confused and angry with myself." She swallowed hard, "I don't even know what happened. We had been running for days. I don't remember where we were, but it was far- really far. It was no place either of us recognized. I was wooded over and like a rainforest, but it was on no map."

Rosalie stopped and swallowed, glancing at Alice. Alice nodded to her sister before picking up where she left off. "Rosalie and I stopped, but we were so lost. There was no light, no sound, and no warmth. Even _we_ were cold." Alice rubbed the back of her neck, scrunching her face as the welts on her neck began to close. "We wandered around like that. I don't know how long- there was no way to judge time. We held hands the whole time so we couldn't lose each other."

Rose trembled and Emmett came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. The rain was drenching us now, our whole bodies saturated. "I had never seen dark like this," Rosalie whispered. "I was oppressive. I thought I was going to suffocate with it. I prayed for insanity. I just… and then, in this nothing I heard the most frightening screech I had ever heard in my life. We tried… and then… blinding light… and The Moirai."

I swallowed, "What?"

"The Moirai." Alice whispered. "They were beautiful. I've never seen anyone so breathtaking. They were sisters: Klotho, Lakhesis, and Atropos. They had hair down to their waists and were dressed only in golden thread. Klotho was sitting, crying over her weaving, Lakhesis was at her knees soothing her sister, and Atropos was furious. She came at us with shears, pointing and jabbing at the golden thread that was broken, and yet still attached. She pointed to the thread and hissed, 'I never cut that.'

"Rose and I thought we had stepped on it when we were in the dark. We apologized for the damage, but she was livid. She showed us how the thread was broken. There were gaps between each segment of golden thread, but when she picked it up, it was as if it was still attached, but only invisible in certain areas.

"Klotho began speaking sadly to her sister, but we couldn't understand, they… they were speaking another language. Klotho was shaking her head sadly as Lakhesis was petting her sister's long golden hair, and Atropos kissed the top of her sister's head softly whispering something before whipping around and hitting us with her shears."

Jasper growled violently and pulled Alice closer to her on his lap, caressing her short hair and kissing her cheek and ear. Alice swallowed and continued, "Everywhere she hit lit up in flames. That's why we're so weak. She would cut us and the wound would burst into conflagration for minutes at a time to wound us.

"She really wanted Rose, but I stepped in front before the shears could cut her which is why I have these three on my face. She gave me my punishment, Rose's, and a third. Rose only received some on her arms from when her rage had subsided."

I stared at Alice with my mouth agape, blinking. This seemed like a story fit for an asylum. Three sisters dressed in gold, weaving and going into violent rages? It seemed all too surreal, and yet I couldn't dispute it. Bella had died and yet she had come back to life for me. I was a vampire. I was helping a werewolf. "I… Alice…"

She nodded, smiling sadly before she began rummaging in her pocket. Slowly, with her face emanating pain, she gingerly removed the smallest pair of shears from her pocket I had ever seen. Alice hissed, throwing in onto the pavement. "They got wedged in my leg and I stole them to prove it to you. It was bizarre while I was there; I knew you would hardly believe me."

My mouth hung open as I eyed the little glittering gold shears. The rain fell upon them. The droplets beaded up against the golden metal before disappearing with a sizzle- smoke whiffs of smoke steaming upwards into the chilled rain. "Before we both were knocked unconscious with pain, Atropos said that we deliver this message to the family, 'He is not to intercede. There is unfinished business- let The Moirai do their work. It is the only way.'"

"_He is not to intercede. There is unfinished business- let The Moirai do their work. It is the only way."_ I didn't understand. This message, so ominous, so _threatening_ made no sense. I glanced at the rest of my family. It was apparent from the rest of their faces that none of them had deciphered what The Moirai had meant either. I tilted my head to the side, slowly, as I narrowed my eyes. The steam from the burning shears continued to sprout up, but I paid them no heed. I was trying to wrap my mind around the cryptic message Alice was meant to tell.

"When we woke up, we still had the wounds and we were on a deserted road in Colorado. Neither of us knew how we had gotten there. It was really frightening." Rosalie whimpered.

Above me Esme, Carlisle, and Bella stood. I had not realized they had come when I screamed. I shook my head, sighing. It made no sense. I glanced at Alice for recognition, but she only shrugged and threw a fleeting glance at Emmett. She smiled slightly, this time her lip could move a half inch higher. The lacerations were closing slowly, but surely. There might be a scar, but that would be the most of it. _"I think it was for him."_ Alice's thoughts sounded, _"She went after Rosalie in such a fury that I can only suppose it was directed to Emmett. He nearly turned the whole family upside down when he went off on her like that. I heard the whole story. I'll talk to him, but don't say anything about how the message was for Emmett, okay?"_

I nodded as Emmett lifted Rosalie off the ground, kissing her tenderly and sobbing an apology. He walked her inside quickly to get her out of the rain. He was followed by Jasper and Alice. Jasper cradled her in his arms as she curled into his body, her head resting gently in the crook of his neck. Carlisle took Esme's hand and guided her in after my brothers and sisters, holding an umbrella up for her. I looked on to this parade of people. I looked like a sort of bleak funeral. The rain descended down upon them. They all had their heads bowed as they walked slowly into the house that would swallow them.

I stood slowly, shaking my head to rid my bronze hair of loose water droplets. Raking my fingers through the unruly mess, I sighed and followed the bleak procession back to my home. I watched my feet as I took step after weary step. The water engulfed my shoes. Little waves crashed up against the black patent leather, sloshing and spilling back into the flooded ground after cleansing my shoe in murky water. I ran my fingers through my hair a second time as I reached the steps to the house. I went to shut the door behind me, and it was then that I noticed that Bella still stood four miles away.

Her head was down and her arms were wrapped around her slender body. She wore nothing but a small, short sleeved shirt that hugged her slender frame and a pair of ripped designer jeans Alice has purchased for her. Her luscious brown hair fell in cascading waves down her back. Her feet were encased in a pair of little black Keds that must have been soaked through long ago. She reached one of her hands up and ran her small fingers through the crown of her hair. She was shaking with the cold, but she was mesmerized by the steaming shears that still lay smoking on the pavement. I hadn't realized how much weight she had been losing since we stopped speaking regularly.

"Bella!" I cried out from the doorway. When she didn't respond, I called her name a second time. I stepped out onto the driveway squinting my eyes against the increasing rain. No response whatsoever. "Bella! What are you doing? Come inside!"

My Bella didn't move. I don't know if it was because she couldn't hear me over the roar of the rain that came in droves now, or if it was because she no longer wished to speak with me since I severed the ties after our accident. My heart yearned for her. She looked so lost, so sad standing out in the rain. She trembled in the chill and dropped her head farther. She shifted her weight back and forth between her feet as she hugged herself tighter. As she rocked from side to side I wanted to run to her. I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her until she forgot everything. I wanted to make every pain, insecurity, and fear she ever had away. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to make love to her.

The downpour soon became a blanket that I had to squint to see through. I watched as my Bella reached down and took the pair of shimmering golden shears in her tiny palm. She caressed the metal for some time, just staring at it. It cast a yellow glow against her pale face and continued to release steam roll after steam roll. Her fingers traced the outline once, twice, three times. She memorized every square inch with her nimble fingers. On the fourth rotation, she halted. Her trembling increased tenfold as an explosion of wind erupted around her. Clenching her palm around the indestructible metal, she squeezed it in her hand before reeling her hand back and launching it as far as she could. A scream of anger, frustration, and sadness erupted from her gentle pink lips and it tore my heart out. She screamed a second time just as I had started running towards her. She detained handfuls of her hair and tugged it as she bent forward, pressing her forehead to her bended knees. I began sprinting faster, my heart shattering in my breast. What have I done?

When I reached her, I noticed that her trembling was because she was crying. "Bella," I whispered, pulling her up from her standing fetal position. "Bella, come here," I cooed, trying to pull her towards me. She resisted my pull on her arm. I tried a second time to envelop her in my arms and kiss her, but instead she reeled back, yanking her limb out of my grip.

I was stunned as she glared at me. Her beautiful tresses were matted against her flushed face and her eyes were full of anger. "Just don't, Edward, okay?"

"Bella, I…" I stammered, taking a step towards her.

She responded to me by taking a step back. "What, Edward? You just wanted to lead me on, drink my blood, and then forget about me? Is that it?" I was flabbergasted, so much so that I couldn't even move my tongue. "Why did I think any of this would be different? You see that?" She screamed pointing in the direction she had thrown the shears. "If _I _hadn't come back, _they_ wouldn't have nearly been killed by lunatics, _you_ wouldn't have to fight Victoria, and _your whole family_ would be a lot better off."

"Bel…"

"Don't you realize that I _know_ I'm at fault here? Rosalie was right. She may be a bitch, but she was right." She turned around a laughed through her tears, throwing her hands up in frustration. "I am no good for this family. I'm no good for you. You did tire of me, just like she said you would. I caused her to run. I caused Alice to follow her. I'm…"

I took a step forward and spun her around, my tempter flaring. "I _did not_ tire of you, Bella."

"Then what were the last three and a half weeks? You've been avoiding me like I have the bubonic plague or something, Edward, and after everything…"

"Stop!" I screamed, shaking her slightly, "Bella, will you listen to me? I love you _so much_, Bella. _So much_! You don't realize how much this is killing me. I'm so afraid of what happened. I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose control and I'll kill or bite you and I won't be able to stop. I couldn't stop three weeks ago, Bella. If you hadn't bitten yourself and I nearly _killed_ you I would have made Neanderthal love to you. I can't _do_ that, Bella. I couldn't ruin your soul! I couldn't kill you. It would kill _me_. I would have to kill myself to repent for my sins."

She laughed in anger, "I _trust_ you, Edward. You could never hurt me, but I think it's too late now."

"What does that even mean, Bella?" I screamed, pulling her into my chest and crushing her there. She didn't try to fight me.

She collapsed into me, wrapping her arms around my waist. "I did this." She cried, "All of this! It's my entire fault. They won't want me back. You shouldn't want me, Edward. Please, you shouldn't want me. Tell me you don't."

I lowered my lips to hers, crushing them with my own. I wrapped my hands in her long, mermaid-esque hair, pulling her ferociously towards me. With that one kiss, I release every emotion I ever had for her. She threw her arms around my neck and moaned into my mouth. It took every effort to release my hungry lips from her own. "I _always_ want you. You are _mine_ forever and ever. I want you always and forever until death do us part."

She shook her head and looked away, "Tell me you don't want me and that you never want to see me again. Please, Edward."

Placing a hand on either side of her face, I tilted it upwards so that her eyes met mine. "I want you more than anything in this entire world, and I want you to wake up next to me every day and know that I'm always going to be here." I kissed her softly, gently this time. The rain was splattering on our faces. It mixed with our kisses and tears. I held her to me in the pouring rain as she whimpered that I should never want her. I embraced her.

In the background, the shears continued to haze in the rain. The smoke collected in a tumble of grey and muddled lines that steamed at our feet before spilling out over our bodies and wrapping us both in its billowing, ominous embrace.


	22. Doubt That the Sun Doth Move

_**PLEASE NOTE! **_

**I'm sorry guys! I know this is a reposted chapter. I was 3/4ths done with Chapter 23 before I realized Bella and Broodward's sexytime was lacking. I did a big rewrite and changed some things around. So I know it's a disappointment, but hopefully the extra steamy time will make up for it. **

**On another good note: Chapter Twenty Three should be up within a day or two so keep an eye out! =]**

Chapter Twenty-Two

Because of "The Moirai" incident, which is what Alice and Rosalie's three week excursion became quickly know as, Carlisle and I were to go out with the shape-shifters that evening. By the time I had pulled Bella back into the house, Emmett and Rosalie were locked in their bedroom and Jasper was tending to Alice in the living room. It was painfully sweet to watch the couple. Alice was lying on the couch with her back propped up against one of the arms. Jasper was kneeling next to her, caressing her healing face and kissing her knuckles gently. She was smiling down at him and he was gently tucking a piece of her short black hair behind her small ear. She leaned forward and placed a gentle peck on his hairline to which Jasper responded by carefully scooping his darling in his arms, sitting on the couch, and gently laying her head in his lap.

I looked away and guided the rain sodden and shaking Bella up the stairs and into her bedroom. Her arms were wrapped around her slender frame and she was quaking with the cold. Taking her into my arms, I picked her up and carried her into the bathroom. Quickly I turned the shower on and allowed the room to steam. I continued holding her- rubbing her bare arms frantically with my hands to create some sort of heated friction to warm her.

Steam licked the bottom edges of the large mirror and violent shudder ricocheted through my beloved's body. Her senses were mystified- her nerve ending were torn between cold and hot and the presence of my icy fingers did nothing to help dispense her displeasure. I took a step backwards to allow the heat to overcome her slender frame, but instead she mewed and rushed forward throwing her arms around my neck, trembling.

"No, Bella, darling." I whispered whilst removing her slender fingers from about me. I smiled gently, "You're asking for a cold, dear."

"I'd rather have a cold than have you leave me." She whispered and adverted her eyes and toying with the hem of her soaked shirt.

I sighed; placing my forefinger under her chin and guiding her face up slowly to me. "You know I'm not leaving you. You've been out in the cold rain and I don't radiate body heat. I just want you to get warm, my love and then go to bed. I'll be right there holding you when you wake up, I promise."

Her soft, doe eyes narrowed slightly and a small crease appeared between her brows. "You won't be here tonight?"

"Carlisle and I have to accompany Jacob and Sam. I'm not going to allow my siblings to leave the house due to the circumstances. They need to be with each other right now. I can only imagine how traumatizing that must have been." I shook my head sadly and breathed out through my nose.

She nodded, lowering her eyes. "I'll miss you."

I smiled. She was so adorable- I loved her so. Taking her in my arms, I placed a gentle kiss upon her hairline. My lips trailed slowly from her hairline to her cheek to her lips. She sighed and I could feel her heart quick between our bodies. "I'll only be gone for a short time, my love. Esme will be with you and she's looking forward to spending some time with you. I promise you, my Bella, I'll be back before you even know I'm missing."

"Impossible." I heard her mutter under her breath. The corner of my lips turned upward slightly as I pulled her into my arms. She was still drenched and her eyeliner had run down to mid-cheek, but she was as strikingly beautiful as ever.

I ran my fingers through her sopping, matted hair, kissing her chastely once. "Shower, love. I'll be back soon."

She slowly and released me from her grip. "Tell Jacob I said hello?"

Fury bubbled inside my chest and I was forced to quell my anger at her request. I hated the boy. Granted, he was kind and set on helping me in my quest to destroy everything Victoria, but I hated that he loved her. I hated the way he looked at my Bella whenever he was near her. I hated the way he thought about her wrapped around his length and moaning his name. I despised her friendship with him because I knew they had been some sort of twisted couple once I had left her all those years ago. I was envious that he could make her laugh when I had shunned her. I hated the way she loved him in the brother-sister way. She would always hold those fond feelings for him and I was fitfully jealous even though she loved me. "Yes."

She smiled sadly. Crossing her arms in front of her body, she took the hem of her shirt in her small hands and began peeling it off her body. It was then that I knew I had to go. I couldn't watch her undress before me. Not only was it sinful to see a woman you weren't married to, but she was so gorgeous that I knew I would have a difficult time taking my eyes off of her. I would be so enamored by the smooth skin of her torso and the evident bulge of her chest that I would have instantly taken her into the shower and had my way with her. I was desperate for her kisses.

* * *

In the following months, my family- with the aid of Jacob and Sam- had traced and killed twenty-seven members of Victoria's clan. Mike Newton, Lee Stephens, Lauren Mallory, Katie Marshall, Tyler Crowley, the EMT Brett Warner that brought Bella into the hospital after the car accident with Tyler, the principle of Forks High Harold Greene, and a slew of old Forks community members. With every new find we weren't sure if we were overjoyed at the prospect that we had killed one or deathly afraid because of their increase in numbers. Twenty- seven was four times the size of a normal clan to begin with.

A rotation was soon established. We had subconsciously paired up after Alice and Rosalie's disappearance- Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, and Carlisle and I. Much to her dismay, we forbid Esme to join in the clan massacre. Bella needed some sense of security and Esme was more like her mother than Renee ever was. They both needed each other and I needed Bella to be safe.

For a long time we would find a vampire every five or six days. They would all take the same route Newton had the first night we had cornered him. The path, however, made no sense whatsoever. It was one huge zigzag that was completely irrelevant to everything. By mid-May however, sightings were very few and far between. This unnerved me.

Things with Bella were less than perfect as well. After she had begged me to leave her and tell her that I didn't want her any longer she began distancing herself from me once again. I hated those moments. Every time she would reject a kiss or shy away from my embrace my heart would shatter. My body would silently cry out in agony and I would wonder what I had done to deserve such cruelty. And yet I could never come to hate her. Those agonizing moments were overshadowed completely by a mere smile or an unexpected chaste kiss. I coveted her kisses and the way her heart lurched violently in her chest, beating in a heightened tempo. I knew she loved me- it was not a question. The only question was why was she holing up in herself? What could be the cause of such a hermit lifestyle?

And then to add to the growing list of Cullen misfortune, Alice's loss of vision began to take the forefront of her thoughts. She could go hours without having an attack, but it was inevitable. Alice lost her vision at least six times a day for long periods of time. The more Alice brought the issue to my family, the longer her vision would be skewered. My sister described it to me like she was living in a well. When it was dark, it was frighteningly so, but there was always a ring around the opening- she always knew the well cover would be pulled off eventually.

Out of everyone, however, Bella was the most concerned for my sister. If Alice was having an attack, Bella was the first to her side, pulling the pixie's head into her chest and rocking her back and forth. Bella took to watching Alice warily. She crept around Alice and handled her as if she were a porcelain doll. From the unintended expressive looks that emanated from my Bella's eyes, it was obvious that she felt terrible for what was happening to her best friend. On certain occasions, when Bella was shut up in her room, I could hear her crying over the whole ordeal. This shattered my heart to pieces because I knew I couldn't go to her and comfort her for if I did, she would only cry harder and longer.

With each passing day, however, love for her swelled to new heights. With every look, giggle, touch, sob, I feel deeper and deeper in love with her. From day one I knew I was under her intoxicating spell, but now I could no longer stand to be away from her for longer than a few moments. Nights away from her were hell. I was a mess when I was not holding her in my arms and watching the consistent rise and fall of her chest.

I longed to kiss her. Really and truly kiss her. It was no surprise that I became a little overzealous when it came to Bella and my desire for her. It was agony trying to show someone you adored their existence but you could not kiss or pleasure them the way one should. When she was sleeping, I had fantasies of hovering over her and kissing every inch of exposed skin on her body. While I dreamt, I would pull her closer and listen to her sign and mold into my arms. It was where she was supposed to be. It was where _we_ were supposed to be. Always together, always.

Which is why on July 8th, 2109 I decided I was going to ask Carlisle's permission to marry her. Walking home after our night watch with Jacob and Sam, Carlisle and I meandered home as the sky began to redden with a morning glow. My hands were thrust in my trouser pockets, fingering the aged gold band that was once my mother's wedding ring. I had been carrying around the thin band for weeks now, but never manned up enough to broach the subject with my father and Bella's legal guardian. Would he like the arrangement? Would he disapprove due to the current Victoria circumstance? Ultimately I decided it did not matter. Carlisle's permission or not, I was going to marry my love. Soon, and very soon I hoped, the ring would be on my Bella's finger. Forever.

Because of my irrational fear of speaking with Carlisle about the subject, I had had much time to think everything though. I would propose to her and have a small ceremony. The wedding came with choices, however. If she chose to accept me as her husband, she must know that I would be willing to change her. I would be willing to make her into one of us- something she had always wanted- because after having been without her for so long, I was positive I could never live without her again. Ever. With the wedding came transformation and love making. Yes, love making.

Bella had always been a temptress to me. She always managed to lure me in and set my soul aflame. Once she was mine forever, I didn't need to worry about disgracing God or killing her. I would make sweet, passionate love to the woman of my dreams for all eternity. I would give my entire soul to her if it would bring her happiness. I would pleasure her in ways I only dreamed of pleasuring her. I would allow my tongue and teeth great liberties. I would hold her to my body and not be afraid of shattering all her bones with my ecstasy.

"Carlisle," I spoke softly, watching my feet sink into the waterlogged grass. My footsteps sunk into the ground and I studied the pattern my shoe made for a silent moment, willing the words to come out. My father and I had both stopped. He was standing to my side, his hands clasped behind his back, staring at me with a father patience and love that made me curious as to why asking his permission was so difficult.

I opened my mouth, but before I could utter a word, Carlisle's face broke out into a beam. "I know, son. I know." Stepping forward and taking me into his arms, he whispered, "You have my entire permission along with your mother's. Congratulations, my son."

I was momentarily stunned by his reaction. "Wha…?"

Carlisle broke his embrace, holding me at arm's length. His smile was threatening to split his face in two. "Esme saw you take Elizabeth's wedding ring from your pocket a few days ago and smile. We knew it was only a matter of time before you came to either one of us."

"I love her, Carlisle- much more than you can ever possibly fathom."

He smiled and patted me on the back, "Then go to her son. Take her out somewhere and make it a night to remember."

* * *

I had allowed Alice to play Bella Barbie this one time. I had rented out a private ballroom for the evening and needed the assistance of my fashion-savvy sister to prepare Bella for the most nerve-wracking and exciting moment of my existence. I was going to ask her to marry me tonight. In my head, I saw her right hand in mine, my left hand on her waist, and our bodies swaying gently to melodies of the eighteen piece orchestra I had hired for the evening. Tonight nothing would get in our way- not overly excitable Alice, not Rosalie, not Jacob or Sam or Victoria. Tonight it was her and I. Tonight I would bear my soul to her and pray she accepted me. Tonight I would profess my entire being to her and we would become one. Tonight was everything.

As I had expected, Bella had been wary of the "surprise" I had informed her of the night prior. She glanced up at me with a questioning brow and I could but only smile. She could protest all she wanted, but I was getting her to that ballroom if it was the last thing I did. "A night just for the two of us" I told her. A night to get away from the hectic world we lived in.

Because Carlisle and I had crossed paths with four vampires the previous evening, however, Bella pleaded with me to go with the rest of the family and hunt them. I thoroughly refused. The rest of my family, including Esme, was perfectly capable of handling the situation- especially since it was partially fabricated. Yes, Carlisle and I had stumbled upon a small sect of Victoria's men, but we had tortured them into giving us information before me slaughtered them. They planned to lie low for a few more weeks before attacking. They knew we had killed their other members, and Victoria was livid because her manpower was running low. She was going to turn more humans before she attacked on July 24th. They gave us the coordinated of their location, but warned us that they were nomads and planned on moving that evening to an undisclosed location. We thanked them before snapping their necks- it was the least we could do.

And though this attack worried me, Bella concerned me more. She was losing weight again and whispering pleas for me in her sleep. Every time she mumbled my name, her eyes clenched and tears escaped her trembling lids. "Edward, don't… I…" she would whisper before seizing handfuls of my shirt and pulling her body against mine, crying out in her sleep. Bella needed a stress-free night just as much as I did. Bella needed me, and I was not going to compromise her and my proposal tonight. I refused.

Alice on the other hand, was ecstatic by my plan. Before I had even gotten the words out of my mouth she had taken off on a tangent, flailing her hands and bouncing up and down in excitement. She had the perfect dress and idea to convince Bella to allow her to dress and primp her. And of course, being so persuasive, Alice had succeeded, but not, however, without a considerable amount of disagreement from my Bella darling. In the end, though, Alice was always the victor when it came to clothing.

Alice had hijacked Bella from me at eleven o'clock right after breakfast. "Bellaaaaaaaaa!" Alice pleaded over and over again, jumping up and down, and tugging on her hand. "Bella, please! Don't you want to look nice tonight? It takes time to primp!" Alice exclaimed, pouting her bottom lip out and making a sound that resembled something like a dying puppy. "_Much needed time for a wedding proposal!"_

I shot her a wary look as her unspoken words assaulted me. "Alice," I warned before smiling and glancing down at my Bella who was looking at me were her adorable eyes- pleading.

"Don't feed me to the beast, Edward." She whispered almost inaudibly. She seized my hang with her remaining free one and squeezed.

Alice gasped in mock anger and tugged on Bella once more. "Hey! I heard that! And you _are_ coming with me, Bella, NOW!"

I could no longer contain myself. I threw my head back and erupted in laughter. My response awarded me a playful slap on my chest from Bella, which caused my joy to double. Tonight was our night, and damn it if I wasn't going to be happy. I was going to laugh and smile and hold her all night. There was no alternative. "Alice, I relinquish the prisoner to you."

Before the words were out of my mouth, Alice squealed and was already half way out the room while Bella shrieked, "WHAT!" I laughed a second time. My spirit was soaring. I had a feeling tonight would be the night. I loved her, she loved me- tonight would be it. No holds bars. Tonight I would tell her everything. I would tear my heart out and put it on a silver platter for her if that is what she wanted. I would give her my life tonight. Everything was in her hands.

The day passed in a slow and anxious haze. I spent a majority of the day in self reflection, and the rest of the time getting pep-talk after pep-talk by Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper. They told me everything would be just perfect. "She loves you more than anything" they told me while simultaneously asking to see my mother's- and soon to be Bella's- wedding ring. With every word the realization of what I was about to do struck me. Today I would pledge my life to the woman I loved and hope she accepted my marriage proposal. If my internal organs were still working, I'm quite sure I would have had a heart attack.

The limo I had ordered to chauffer us to the ballroom was to arrive at eight o'clock, and by seven forty-five I was a ball of nerves. The box that encased my mother's wedding ring was clenched in a nervous fist and shoved into the left pocket of my pants. I fingered the box in a frenzy, pacing the living room in front of my whole family albeit Alice and Bella. Esme was trying to get me to stop pacing and eventually grabbed my upper arm and spun me around to face her. Her eyes were brimming with excited, unshed tears. "Edward, honey," she whispered, "everything is going to be fine."

Rosalie was perched on Emmett's lap and they were seated in the far corner of the room. Since the Moirai incident, Rosalie had become somewhat civil to Bella and I, which was a might improvement and much appreciated. This is why I was not expecting her to untangle herself from Emmett's arms and embrace me. I was momentarily stunned by the gesture, but before I could respond, she pulled away and muttered, "Take a deep breath, Edward, and…"

I knew her mouth was moving, but I did not catch the rest of her speech. The world seemed to slow down and come to a tantalizing halt as Bella descended the stairs in the foyer that adjoined to the living room. I watched as little by little, she took each carefully afraid to trip on the steep slope in her heels.

She was gorgeous.

I found myself unable to breathe as her pedicured feet became still on the hardwood beneath the stairs and she smiled softly. Alice had dressed her in a deep, simple navy a-line gown that hugged her curves perfectly. With a sweetheart neckline and a tight bodice that fell cinched to her waist before falling loosely about her hips down to her toes. Her hair was curled and the sides were pulled back so they were out of her face which was made up and prepped with a little elegant amount of makeup. I swallowed hard, unable to take my eyes off of her. She took a step forward, and it was only then did I realize that the dress had a slit that stopped mid-thigh and she was clutching her silver handbag tightly.

I did not hear my family telling us to have a wonderful night and not worry about anything. I did not hear any of their thoughts. All I saw was Bella. I walked towards her, offering her my arm and watching as she linked hers with mine. I raised my eyes upwards and her dark orbs caught my own. "Bella," I leaned down and whispered in her ear, "you look stunning this evening." She lowered her eyes and smiled, biting on her bottom lip. I knew I was going to have trouble concentrating the rest of the night.

I led her out the front door and aided her down the step. She gasped when her eyes fell upon the sleek, black limo. Turning her face toward me, she chided, "Edward…"

I could only smile. "Bella, my darling, please don't say a word." The chuffer opened the door and bow slightly to us as I helped her into the car with myself following. "I brought you out with me tonight to show you how much you mean to me. I wanted to do this. Please say nothing about expenses, I beg you."

"But Edward, I can't allow…"

I reached up and gently placed my pointer finger against her lips, silencing her. "Shh. Let me do this for you, my darling. I would give you everything if I had it, so please, let me shower you tonight with what I do have."

Taking my face in her hands, she smiled and gently caught my lips with her own. "You already have given me everything."

The remainder of the drive was full of small, sweet chatter. I had not seen this carefree, smiling Bella in weeks and I reveled in her presence. I transcribed everything she said and every movement she made in my mind to remember this happy Bella forever. If at all possible, the ride made me fall more and more in love with her by the second.

As we approached the ballroom, I instructed Bella to close her eyes. "But, Edward, you of all people know how clumsy I am." She laughed and squeezed my arm gently. Again, I told her I would guide her, and with me she would never fall. She only smiled and obeyed.

The limo came to a slow stop in front of the ballroom. Gently, I aided Bella out of the limo. Wrapping one arm around her waist and covering her eyes with my other hand, I walked her slowly and carefully into the elaborate room, watching her heeled feet to make sure she would not trip.

"May I see now, Edward?" Bella joked, trying to pry my hand away from her eyes.

Placing a kiss on the top of her head, I teased her by inching my hand away little by little. She let out a laugh before grabbing my hand and yanking it downwards. Her smile, however, was wiped clear from her face as she took in her surroundings.

The room was darkly lit and had and very romantic ambiance. At the opposite end of the space was the orchestra that began to immediately play once my hand left her face. There was a quaint little dancing area near the instruments, and off to the side was one solitary table with a candle placed directly in its center. Roses seemed to spill from every corner and vines snaked up along the Corinthian esque walls. It looked like something out of a storybook- something like a fairytale.

Bella gasped audibly and covered her beautiful round lips with her left palm. Her eyes went wide, and in the soft glow of the candle lights, I saw them tear. For a moment everything seemed to crash down around my feet. The lone thought that she didn't like it crossed my mind and was set on repeat in my brain before Bella turned to me with a grin that threatened to split her face in two and cried, "Oh, Edward."

"You like it?" I questioned, reaching towards her and slowly tracing the back of my fingers against her porcelain cheek.

"Edward, I… I have no words to explain how absolutely breathtaking this all is. But this all…"

I sighed, chucking to myself as I tenderly placed my pointer finger against her voluptuous lips to silence her. She giggled against my cold skin and I couldn't help the smile that erupted on my face. Offering her my arm for the second time, "Shall we, Miss Swan?"

Her smile grew bigger, and she quickly accepted. "Let's shall, Mr. Cullen."

I had never seen Bella glow so much. She looked utterly and incandescently happy as we ate our dinner and listened to the haunting melodies of the strings. As the night wore on, I was having a difficult time keeping my hands off of her. Holding her hand, grazing her arm, my foot touching her foot. She looked so absolutely perfect and I continued to fight the desire to pin her to the nearest wall and have my way with her. This was neither the time nor the place.

After desert, I had stood, and asked her to dance with me. Placing her hand in mine, I led her to the small dance floor, twirling her slowly before pulling her close to me. I pressed my palm into her lower back and she responded by draping and arm over my shoulder and holding fast to my hand free hand with hers. Turning my head to meet the eyes of the pianist, I nodded once and his fingers flew across the keys playing the song that my Bella and I called our own- Claire de Lune.

She leaned in to me and laid her head upon my chest while I allowed myself the liberty of laying my cheek on the top of her head. Together we swayed back and forth with the beautiful melody and I felt my mysterious tears pricking the back of my eyes. I was so happy here with her. Just holding her made my whole crazy world right again. Being in her presence was therapeutic and seeing her this absolutely happy and relaxed brought me more joy than I had ever known. This is how we were supposed to be. She was home- right here holding her in my arms. This was how the world was supposed to be.

"This is beautiful." She said and I felt the vibrations of her voice against me. The hand draped over my shoulder found its way to the nape of my neck as she began fingering locks of bronze hair.

I kissed the top of her head and responded, "You're so beautiful."

She looked up and our eyes met. In that solitary instant the whole world seemed to fall away. It was as if we were the only two people on the face of the Earth. The swaying motion of our bodies was continuous and beautiful- choreographed almost- so that it became symbolic. What we shared was bigger than us. We were the product of some gracious divine intervention, because even after all this time I knew I didn't deserve her. She was far too genuinely kind and beautiful to fit so perfectly in my arms. She was far too innocent to be mine, and yet I could never give her up. Not again. All sound and sight seemed to dim except for her. She glowed in the darkness. She was my light and she was mine. I was hers. Here in this room we shared a moment of sheer bliss.

"You're perfect." She said softly to herself, holding to my hand tighter. Removing her hand from my hair, the pads of her fingers grazed across my jaw line and she stared at me in amazement as if questioning if my existence was tangible.

"You're my everything, Bella."

Everything remained silent as we continued to sway. I leaned down and kissed her softly. She responded to my kiss and moved her lips with mine, soft and chastely. We must have remained this way for a long time- cocooned in a blanket of our own paradise, for when I pulled away to get down on one knee and ask her to marry me, the lights suddenly turned on.

Furious, I glanced around to see who disrupted the perfect mood for my proposal, I saw a short balding man around the age of fifty two approach us wearing a wary and apologetic look. "I'm so sorry, sir, but we have to close for the evening."

I could see but only red. How dare he encroach upon my perfect evening? How dare he turn the lights on as I was about to ask Bella to be my wife? How dare he kick me out of the establishment I had spent a good deal of money to rent privately for this specific occasion? I was absolutely livid, and it was only Bella's tiny hands tugging at my elbow that brought me back from my murderous rage. "Edward? Edward, don't be angry, it's fine. Come on." To the owner who had begun to cower she smiled and offered a pleasant "Thank you very much for the lovely evening."

Linking her arm with my own, I continued to seethe as the valet alerted our driver and we seated ourselves inside the spacious car. My mother's wedding ring was weighing heavily in my pocket and I wanted to strangle the owner even as the car began moving, taking Bella and I away from the evening of what once was bliss.

The car ride was ridden in silence. My lips were drawn into a hard, tight line and my nostrils were flared. Bella sat beside me, trying in vain to question why I was so angry. She placed a small hand on my thigh and the other on my shoulder, begging me to explain my behavior. Somewhere beyond my rage I was contrite for the way I was acting, but the sole fact that Bella had not become my fiancé infuriated me to no end.

The chauffer pulled into the stone driveway. All the lights were off, so I knew my family was still out with the wolves. I helped Bella from the backseat and thrust money to the driver with hostility. It wasn't until Bella and I were inside and I had removed her jacket and hung it up did Bella take my face in her hands harshly and ask, "Edward? Edward, what's the matter? Was it me? Did I do something to anger you?"

My eyes widened and remorse crept through my veins. "No my darling. You did nothing wrong and don't ever think that you have. It's just… this night," I hissed, "it was ruined."

Gently, tenderly she stood on her toes and placed a gentle kiss upon my taught lips, rubbing my cheeks with her thumbs. "Edward, please don't be angry. This is the best night I have ever had and I truly mean it. It wasn't dampened in the slightest by the owner. Just being with you is enough for me, but thank you so much for everything."

Glancing at her, I saw her shining eyes and smile and my eyes welled up with tears. Everything I had planned was ruined. Bella was supposed to be my fiancé tonight, and instead she was placating me for being angry. Taking her face between my hands, I breathed out relieving some of the pent up anger I felt. "You don't understand, my love. Tonight was supposed to be perfect."

"Every night I am with you is perfect." She kissed me again. "Edward, I can't even begin to explain how much this night has meant to me. Just being alone with you would have been lovely, but for you to do all of this for me was so generous."

It was my turn to kiss her. This time I allowed my lips to linger a little longer over hers before I pulled away and rested my forehead against hers, pulling her in closer to my stony body. "I love you more than the sun and the moon- more than anything in this world. I love you far more than you will ever come to realize and I will love you until my days on this Earth are over. I would do anything for you, Bella." I kissed her again. "This night was for you." Again. "This night was to show you how much I adore you." Again. "What can I do to show you my devotion?"

Before me, Bella swallowed hard as her breath hitched. "Kiss me, again."

In an instant she was in my arms and my lips were pressed against hers. She threw her arms around my neck and pulled me closer to her, closing the gap between our bodies. Our lips moved against each other with a violent desire. I needed her. Since I saw her this evening I had wanted to kiss her like this but I was too afraid. I was too afraid of hurting her, but all reasoning was abandoned. All rational though left me the moment she told me to kiss her.

Desire coursed through me and I pulled her flush into my body. I allowed my tongue to trace across her bottom lip, begging her to allow me the entrance I so fully needed. I needed her. I wanted her. She wanted me. I was not going to deny her. I was not going to allow her to retreat back from me anymore. For the second time, I flicked my tongue across her rosy, pink lips and she opened for me immediately releasing a moan.

I groaned as a tremble rocked through my body. The close proximity of her body against mine was causing my head to spin out of control. My fingers dug into her back to attempt to pull her even closer. Our tongues began a tribal dance in the ecstasy of our mouths. Taunting me, Bella swirled her tongue with mine before enticing me further and further into her mouth. Tearing my lips from hers, I groaned wildly and hissed her name as I began kneading and pulling at the skin of her neck with my swollen lips. Panting uncontrollably, Bella threw her head back and allowed me an easier access to her long, beautiful neck. Roving my tongue across her heated flesh I became mad with desire. Emotions were swelling in my beasts and my breathing was sporadic and needy.

Reaching upwards, Bella entangled her fingers in my unruly hair and tugged harshly at the roots calling my name. My groin responded surprisingly and I found myself thrusting her against the door in, pressing my hips into her own. Bella bucked against me, her body sandwiched between me and the door. My head was swimming in a pool of yearning. My tongue darted out tracing her neck lower and lower until I found her collarbone and strapless shoulders. Even my hands had a mind of their own. Running up and down the length of her sides, my palm roved over her backside and lower.

I ran my hand downward over her thigh and suddenly my hand met soft, heated flesh. I groaned as I remembered- the slip in her dress. Frantic to feel her body closer to my own, I seized the back of her thigh and pulled it upwards, wrapping it around my hip as I pressed my erection into the juncture that connected her sex and her fleshy thigh. An animalistic sound reverberated from within her chest and the sound exploded all around me. "Edward!" she cried out, tugging at my roots with insatiable need. Tearing my mouth from her skin, I crushed them to her own lips eliciting a growl. Holding her leg against my hip, I ground into her harder, fraught with the longing of her. "Edward" she whimpered between impassioned kisses, "oh, God. Edward, please!"

I understood her implication and I could not deny her this time. I could not deny myself. I removed my lips from her own, looking down at her. She stared unabashedly back, her chocolate doe eyes black with need. She reached up and wrapped her fingers into my hair, pulling me down towards her again.

Oh, God! Her lips tasted so wonderful! I pulled her bottom lip into my mouth and sucked on it gingerly as my hand ranked upwards under her slip. Her smooth skin on her thigh was absolutely perfect and I followed it upwards, taking the fabric of the dress with me. I reached the uppermost part of her luscious legs and before I could second guess myself, I ran my fingers across the lace of her undergarment following the flowered patter to the back where…

I tore my lips from her own and gawked down at her. A thong. Beneath my hand was a rounded cheek. Bella let out a sensuous laugh, placing her hand over mine and thrusting deviously into my sex. My eyes seemed to roll into the back of my head and I responded my crushing my manhood into her lower belly, rattling the hinges of the front door. Bella gasped and her fingers against my own were shaky.

I took advantage of her state and took her earlobe between my lips, sucking and licking the casing and skin of her ears. Her stomach contracted and she clung to my shoulders, rocking her hips against my own. I kneaded the bare flesh of her perfectly shaped buttocks hard in my hand, pushing her harder and harder into my desire.

Flicking her earlobe before descending lower and lower down her neck, my hand began to follow the flowered path of her thong once more- over her hip bone, down the crease of her leg, getting closer and closer to her sex. Somewhere in the back of my mind, something shouted for me to stop, but my fingers had a mind of their own. Bella's breath hitched with every lick against her neck and the consistent movement of my fingers closer and closer to her heated femininity. I couldn't stop even if I tried. Down, down, until I ran the pad of my middle finger against the bundle of nerves at her tip. She let out an inhuman cry and thrust into me harder than I thought possible.

Without thinking I seized the slip of the midnight blue dress and tore it open up to her belly button. I would have her. I was ready. She was ready. "Do you know how much I desire you?" I groaned, my voice dropping an octave.

She swallowed hard, pressing harder into me, "Edward, please. I need you."

Taking her slip and ripping it further, I took hold of her other leg and yanked it upwards so that both her legs were wrapped around my hips. From this tantalizing position, I pulled her off the wall and held her to my body as I found the stairs and took them two at a time. She tightened her grip around my waist and she lowered her face to my own, kissing deeply. At the top of the stairs, I instantly found my room and threw open the door. Bella moaned once again and my sight seemed to go. Once we were in the confines of my room, I slammed the door shut and thrust her back against it.

As our lips and tongues continued out desperate dance, Bella began to make quick work of my jacket. Her fingers were trembling as she pushed each button through the hole and once she was finished I quickly shrugged it off my shoulders. Breathing heavily, she took handfuls of my white button down in her hands pulling me closer to deepen the kiss before she began tackling my tie. Once she had removed my jacket and tie, I could no longer see straight for my desire was so palpable. Again, I pulled her from the wall and in three strides she was on her back on my bed and I was hovering over her trying in vain to catch my breath.

A hundred different emotions assaulted me in that one moment. Was this right? I hadn't even proposed to her yet and here I was poised and ready to make love to her. Would God forgive me of my actions? I needed her so much and my mind began to race as she arched upwards in an attempt to meet my aching body. "Edward."

I looked down at her and our eyes met. In that one solitary moment, I knew. Her eyes were dark and deep with craving and her chest was heaving as she gasped for air. She was so lovely and I loved her beyond all reason. Lowering my face, I caught her lips with mine. This kiss was not frenzied; it was deep and so full of passion that Bella started to writhe beneath me. My hands roved over her body- down her sides until my fingers found the ruined slit of her dress once more. Dipping my hand into the fabric, I ran my fingers across the skin of her bare leg marveling again at how soft it was. With my other hand I guided her back upwards so that I could unzip her dress that drove me crazy.

As I made work of her zipper, Bella's trembling fingers unbuttoned my white button down. Finally seeing skin, Bella pressed her palms against my abdomen and rolled them upwards until they were at my shoulders, removing the white nuisance. I moaned at the contact of skin against skin. Her blazing skin against my marble skin was tantalizing. I wanted more.

By this time I had unzipped her dress and pushed it down to her hips. It was only then did I stop to bask in her beauty. She was incredibly thin, but her breasts, which were encased in a tormenting barely there navy blue lace bra were perfect. They were round and peaking over the top of the fabric. Sucking in a deep breath, I lowered my mouth to her chest keeping eye contact with her the whole way.

I ran my tongue across the exposed flesh of her breasts and had to fight the urge to moan aloud. Instead, I took her hips in my hands and moved down lower, ghosting kisses across her aroused nipples through the thin fabric. Yanking at my hair again, I finally allowed the roar in my chest to break free. Bella arched her back to give me better access to her chest and I moaned my appreciation while reaching around her back to unclasp the undesired fabric.

I pulled the cloth downwards as she shrugged out of it before tossing it to the floor beside the bed. I had to sit up and admire her. Her breasts were gorgeous. Her raised peaks were calling for me as Bella lay panting between my legs. Lowering my body, I ran my tongue across her areola, flicking it. This caused Bella to groan and tug at my hair, pulling me back towards her face.

In one swift moment, our kisses were heated again and her fingers hooked under the waistband of my trousers and my palms cupped and kneaded her breasts. She popped the button of my black pants and pulled them down roughly before reaching into my briefs and seizing my length.

Everything stopped.

I tore my lips away from hers and a "No!" exploded from my throat. She was startled by my outburst and jolted slightly as I collapsed on top of her, my face pressed into her stomach and my hands gripping her hips. The realization of what had occurred slammed into my conscience like a freight train. I was going to ruin her. I was going to make love to her. God knew I wanted her so desperately, but I wasn't sure if I could live with myself. We were doing this all wrong. I was supposed to propose, we were supposed to get married, and THEN we were to consummate our marriage. It didn't work in the reverse. And yet I knew it did. But was I ready to completely annihilate her soul for my own sexual pleasure?

"Edward?" I heard the tears in Bella's unsteady voice and I felt the sporadic rise and fall of her stomach against my forehead.

"I," I croaked as tears found their ways to my eyes once more. "I can't, Bella… I" I took handfuls of the comforter between my clenched fists, squeezing them in an attempt to lessen my desire for her. I was not working. Out of anger for myself, I roared against her stomach and smashed my fists into the mattress causing us to pop up slightly.

She began shaking then. It was not the trembling of desire or need, it was the trembling of fighting back emotion. I looked upwards to find her face buried in her hands and I heard her sigh sadly. "Bella, don't please…"

Her hands fell away from her face, and in her eyes I saw all the sadness of the world. The happiness I had been privy to see just mere hours before had fallen away and I hated myself for it. "Tell me something, Edward."

"Anything." I whispered, pulling myself up and hovering over her body.

"Do you love me?"

I was struck senseless by her statement. At first I thought she was kidding, but the longer I stared at her flabbergasted, the more severity I saw in her saddened face. I reached my hand out to caress her face before placing a kiss on her swollen lips. "'Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.'"

She blinked once and smiled before taking my face in her hands before whispering, "Then make love to me, please. Edward, my love for you transcends time and space. Please, I need you." And as she looked at me with her doleful and pleading eyes I could not deny her. I lowered my face to hers and caught her lips between my own in the frenzied passion we had just abandoned.

That night we found paradise.

After we had made love, I held her in my arms for hours, caressing and placing kisses on her bare skin. Her left cheek was pressed against my chest. I pulled her tighter into my embrace, ruminating. What we shared that night was ephemeral. She was a goddess and I was thankful for every glance she showered upon me. With this experience I loved her all the more.

I spent hours listening to her heart beat and once she had fallen asleep in my arms, I pulled her thong back up and buttoned her into my white button up. I didn't want her to be cold as she lay in my arms, and since my family had returned a few hours previous I thought it best in case they decided to barge in which, knowing Emmett, was very likely.

"Bella," I whispered into the darkened room, adoring how her name sounded so perfect. She looked so peaceful in sleep and I wish I could have saved her like this. Moving her head, however, she glanced up at me and I was startled by her action. "I'm sorry my love, I thought you were asleep."

She smiled a drowsy smile before pressing her red, swollen lips to my chest. "I've been awake for a long time. I like listening to your breathing, it's very relaxing."

I smiled and kissed her forehead. She looked so beautiful- even more beautiful than last night, and in the moment, I knew that this was it. Untangling myself from her lovely embrace, I sat up and scrounged around for my trousers from last night. I dug into the pockets until I found the small, velvet box. I turned back to my love to see her sitting up and watching me with a questioning look. All I could do was smile before climbing back onto the bed and taking her into my arms.

"Bella," I began, placing a chaste kiss upon her lips. "You are the air I breathe and I love you with all my heart. I cannot tell you how much you mean to me. I can't see myself ever living without you." Pulling out the box, I opened it slowly, holding it up to Bella. Her eyes went wide with astonishment. Covering her mouth with her hands, her eyes grew teary and she blinked to try and keep them away. "Isabella Marie Swan, would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

She gasped audibly and a tear traced her cheek as she stared shamelessly at my mother's wedding ring. Suddenly her eyes snapped up to mine, "Is this why you were so angry last night?"

I nodded, my smile widening. Suddenly she burst out in tears, laughing with excitement. "Yes. Edward, yes!"

I have never smiled bigger in my life. Removing the ring from the red velvet box, I slipped it onto her finger, kissing her deeply. Our lips moved together and soon they were followed by our tongues. Arching her body upwards, I knew she wanted me again and there was no doubt that I wanted her. If we were going to do things backwards, we were going to do this backwards. I tore my lips away from hers and allowed my tongue to roll down her neck until it licked the central artery in her neck. Bella had always wanted to be a vampire. She had always wanted to be one of my kind. I had always rejected the idea, but now that she had agreed to be my wife, I wanted her with me for all eternity. I couldn't ascertain the thought of ever being alone again.

I began sucking on the crevice between her neck and shoulder, licking the artery repeatedly. I was about to open my mouth to ask her to choose what she wanted, but she reached up and encased her fingers in my hair, holding my face to her neck. "Yes," she moaned. I took it as her acceptance.

Smiling triumphantly, I licked the vein one last time before whispering, "I love you, Bella. I'll see you in eternity." Curling my lips back, I hovered over her delicate flesh with my bared teeth for a moment before taking a deep breath and sinking them into her porcelain neck.

A vicious shriek detonated in the air around me as blood hit the back of my throat.


	23. Expicamela Part I

Dear fans,

I'm the worst author ever. I've had this little bit saved in my documents for months now but couldn't get the muse to actually finish it. I've been really busy with university but I do plan on finishing up TBME some day. I apologize that this chapter is unfinished but i've kept you waiting long enough. I hope it's still enjoyable.

I'm so sorry

~eternalrose45

Shout outs:

Angelsrm- Hey! Thanks for the review! Here is the new chap! Enjoy and please review again =]

Icrodriguez- I'm glad you enjoyed it! I thought I under wrote that chapter after re-reading it, but maybe a rewrite will be in the cards. I was anxious to get this chapter out though, so it will have to wait! =] Okay so timeline time! It is mid July now. Bella and Edward were reunited in January so it's been roughly six months. I should have made the fact that Bella no longer attends school more clear. The Cullens thought it would be in her best interest if she was home schooled. So.. yeah that's about it! PM me if you have any more questions!

Devon Marie Darling- This chapter will reveal a lot so check it out! =]

GoneButStillHere- I'm so glad you have been following! Please review though, dear! I love hearing feedback!

TNT- Thanks for the review! Please review again soon! =]

Musickidcalledjella13- Hey! Here is twenty three! Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-Three

A vicious shriek detonated in the air around me as blood hit the back of my throat.

I heard the sound, but it seemed muffled- as if it had never existed. All I could feel was the way her skin encased me. I could feel the various layers of muscle and tissue conforming and molding around my venom-laced teeth. The sensation of her blood filling my throat was unnerving and glorious all at once. My eyes rolled into the back of my head in sheer delight. I knew it would be this way. I knew this euphoria would one day be mine. I heard the phantom screech once more, and for the second time paid it no heed. No, tonight I was going to give Bella everything she ever wanted. Tonight I was going to…

Nails dug into my hard skin of my face. I was jolted back to reality and my eyes flew open to feel Bella sobbing and scratching my face with clumsy, frantic swings. She had pulled her knees into her chest and she was using them as a quasi-leverage to pull me away from her. The undersides of her feet were pressed against my chest and she was exerting as much force as her compelled body would allow. Her struggle was filling my ears as her claws continued to thrash before I was frightened back to reality and threw myself across the room.

Digging my fingers into the door behind me, I watched Bella roll and whip around in the tangled sheets, clawing at the bite mark I had just made in her neck. I gawked, horrified, as she burrowed her fingernails into her chest and raked them downwards, causing small hills of red and bleeding rivers to sprout all over her.

"Edward, what have you done!" Bella shrieked louder than I had ever heard her yell before. "What have you done?"

From downstairs, the deafening silence that had lingered after my family had returned home earlier in the evening was shattered and I heard an echoing cry of agony. Again and again I heard Bella call for me, begging me to drain the venom from her blood, but I was stunned- revolted by the scene that had come crashing down around me.

A floor below me, Jasper was screaming for help as high pitched wails reverberated from below. My mind had slowed and I could only perceive things one noun or adjective at a time. Bella. Crying. Screaming. Bite. Pleading. Sobbing. Calling. Jasper. Alice. Screaming. Bella. Writhing. It finally assaulted me as I assembled all of my words together that something was terribly wrong.

Tearing myself from the door, I ran to Bella who had reached a new level of deafening. As soon as I was in her peripheral vision, she seized my throat in a vice grip and hissed, sobbing uncontrollably. "Edward, get it out! Get it out!"

Cupping the back of her neck in one hand, and steadying her body with my other, I lowered my lips to the wound I had all too recently marred her with. With each mouthful of her sweet blood, my heart pounded. I couldn't even remember the taste of her. My nonexistent pulse thundered in my ears and I was trembling as my mysterious tears began trekking down my face. I was so confused, so frightened. As cries assaulted me from everywhere, I began shaking, unable to control my limbs.

As I drained her poisoned blood her body began quaking and her weeping shook the whole bed. "Why?" She sobbed over and over again as I attempted to placate her with gentle caresses. Nothing would calm her. She was trembling and howling so hard that she could no longer breathe. It looked as if she were having some sort of seizure and I felt absolutely helpless. Her cries mixed with a voice from below as it continued to shriek. Bella responded to these screeches and with each new one, her body wracked further and harder with tears.

Removing my trembling lips from her milky white skin, I tried in vain to catch her face in my hands. Before my fingertips even touched her skin, however, she had pushed me from off top of her. I tipped over and stumbled to the edge of the bed, and before I could pull myself together again, my Bella had sprinted away from me, curling into a fetal position in a corner. She buried her swollen face in her knees, wrapping her arms protectively around herself, choking on her own tears.

"Bella?" I managed to choke out. I put a foot on the hardwood floor, but before I could take a step towards her, she erupted into unintelligible screams, raising her arms and flailing them out in front of her. I didn't care. I couldn't not go to her. I was kneeling before her in moments, pulling gently at her arms, tears pouring down my face.

"Don't!" Bella screamed, pushing my chest and curling further into herself. "Edward, get away from me, please!"

It felt as if she had stabbed me in the chest and twisted the knife so that my organs no longer aligned. My stomach was in my throat; my intestines were choking my liver and heart. Stunned and deeply hurt, a loud bawl escaped my throat. I reached for her, wrapping my hands around her upper arms. Pulling roughly at her soft flesh I moaned, "Bella, please, I don't understand. Please…"

Suddenly, the door slammed open behind me and the room exploded in frightened thoughts and screams. I found myself thrown to the floor and shoved out of the way as Alice stumbled forward and began groping at the floor, screaming Bella's name. Jasper was frantic. Pulling me off the floor and out of my thoughts, Jasper seized me by the shoulders, his eyes wild and fraught with horror. He shook me. He was screaming my name, slapping me across the face, and thrusting me into the nearest wall. I did not know why, nor did I care. I couldn't tear my eyes away from Bella. Every time Alice cried out, Bella would shake her head a little more violently, rocking her forehead against her knees moaning garbled sounds.

"Edward!" Jasper bellowed, once again slamming my back into the wall and leaving the indentation of my body. The back of my head ricocheted off the pale pink wall and put a hole through the plaster. "Edward, tell me what the fuck is wrong with Alice! Edward!"

It was only then did I give my full attention to my sister. She was crawling on the floor, her petite hands clumsy and desperate. They were outstretched in front of her, her fingers moving quickly against the hardwood floor. She was disheveled and spastic in her movements. She was jerky and violent as she screamed, "Bella!" over and over and over again. I was revolted? I watched as Bella curled deeper into herself as Alice approached, crawling on all fours.

The quaking fingers of Alice's right hand grazed across the top of Bella's bare feet and in moments, my sister had a hold on my fiancé. Alice's shoulders were rocking back and forth as she dug her nails into Bella's fleshy upper arm and shook her ferociously. "Bella, what is going on?" She cried out, coughing and choking on her words. "Bella!"

When Bella failed to respond, Alice's furious hands traced the outside of Bella's arm and over her shoulders before clamping around her neck. Taken aback, Bella jolted out of her fetal position, wheezing as Alice's hands held tighter and tighter to Bella's milky white neck. Bella gasped for breath and began clawing at the little pixie's hands. Squirming to get away from Alice's grip, Bella cried, "Alice you don't know what you're doing! Stop!"

Throughout this whole exchange, I had been struggling against Jasper who had now pinned me to the wall. His left arm was pressed tightly against my neck while his other hand lingered next to my face on the wall. He was hissing and sobbing, begging me to answer him as to what was going on. I wasn't paying attention to him however, and he knew that. So every minute or so, he would assert more pressure to my neck, cutting off my vocal cords.

I could do nothing but look on with repulsion as my sister began beating Bella's head into the wall in a crazed frenzy. Alice was screaming in pain and Bella was trying desperately to placate her while trying to pry the fingers from her throat. In a frightened fury, Alice smashed Bella's head into the wall will enough force that when Alice pulled Bella's neck forward again, there were remnants of blood on the crème colored walls. With every subsequent hit, Bella lost more and more conscience. Her chocolate doe eyes crossed before refocusing and blinking furiously.

I struggled harder against Jasper to get to Bella. Taking my knee, I thrust it upward into my brother's groin. Jasper's knees buckled and he stepped away momentarily, stumbling backwards and eliciting a groan. I took no time to apologize. In two strides I was at Alice's side. My right hand had grabbed a handful of my sister's short, jet black hair. "Alice!" I bellowed, tearing her backwards and away from Bella. Alice landed in a heap of limbs at my feet as Bella crumpled to the floor, her breath shallow, but very much alive. "Alice, what the FUCK…"

Alice glanced up at me, and I was frozen in place. My hand stayed wrapped in her hair, as I took in the sight of my sister with disgust. Alice's eyes were completely white. There was no pupil, no iris, no nothing- only stark, eerie white orbs stared right back at me. Down her pale cheeks were streaks of black and bronze that dripped from her lower lid, down her face creating tracks of dark colors. At first glance, I thought it was eye makeup, but the longer I looked upon her with repulsion, I saw that the lines of color that had dripped down her face were gathering together and crawling back up her cheeks towards the white orbs.

It was like nothing I had ever seen before. While I continued to hold the back of Alice's head, my sister, took handfuls of my shirt, sobbing. "Edward, what is happening to me?" She cried, trembling. I couldn't answer her. I could only watch in a frightened wonder as the lines continued to trek over her cheekbones, through the lower lashes of her bottom lid, and over the glassy white surface before the black lines formed a circle and the bronze line covered the black dot in a ring creating the iris and pupil of my sister's eyes.

Once this transformation was complete, a violent shudder coursed through her body and Alice blinked rapidly, her newly reformed eyes refocusing. Her fists that contained handfuls of my t-shirt were trembling as she fell forward, her forehead landing with a muffled thud on my chest. Heavy, heaving sobs escaped her lips, but before I could wrap my arms around her in a mechanic, horror-stricken stupor, she flung herself away from me towards Bella.

Bella, still curled into a fetal position, had blood caked around the two puncture wounds I had made in her neck. She had not pulled her face out of the crook of her arm. Her shoulders trembled, but from her came no sound. Seizing Bella's shoulders roughly, Alice shook the quaking girl, sobbing. "Bella," my sister moaned, "Bella, I'm so sorry. Please, Bella tell me what happened… I need. Bella, what…? I can't see…"

A thunderous wail silenced everyone in the room.

Wobbly fingers raked through thick, chestnut hair. A second cry emanated from Bella's lips before she turned her face upwards and caught my eye. Her deep chocolate eyes were drenched in self-hatred and regret. Her face was swollen and red from crying and her body was slumped in a defeated and awkward manner. From just one look, I knew my life had ended.

"I'm sorry." Bella choked, spitting and coughing over her words as she entered into a fit of hysterics. "I didn't… I never meant for this…" She had to stop. Her tears were strangling her as tremors rocked through her body at inhuman speeds. It looked as if she were having some sort of quasi-seizure. Gasping for breath, she reached out for me, begging me to her.

The next moment she was in my arms and Alice was thrust aside, forgotten. Bella buried her face in the crook of my neck heaving on her cries and digging her fingers into my back to pull me closer to her. Pressing gentle kisses on her cheeks and neck, I rocked her to my body, "Bella, it's alright that you didn't want…"

"No!" She boomed, wiggling her way out of my embrace. Her eyes were wild as she took handfuls of my shirt within her frighteningly tight clenched palms and shook me. "No, Edward, that's not it at all. Please, you have to believe… I never… this wasn't…" Bella began to hyperventilate. As if my shirt had ignited in flames, she released me. Her eyes unfocused as she looked past her erected hands.

"Bella?" Alice questioned, forcing her way over to us on her knees. "Bella, why couldn't I see? Why did I go blind?"

"I'm sorry!" Bella howled, taking Alice's face between her palms and running her fingers gently across Alice's newly reformed bronze eyes. "I'm sorry! I never meant for any of this to happen, I swear! It was the only way… the only way. And I was being so careful! I didn't… none of you could have known. I'm so sorry- I never…"

My heart clenched in my chest and I fought back a spasm. "Bella what are you talking about? What did you do?"

Her frantic eyes found mine and filled with a fresh wave of tears as she shook her head. "Edward, please understand. I… Fate, she… I did this for us. I never meant to hurt you. Ever. This… I didn't…. I had to…"

I cut her off, nudging a protesting Alice out of my way. Grabbing Bella's upper arms between my palms I pulled her close to me, my heart falling into the pit of my stomach. "What about you and Fate? What are you talking about, Bella? What do you know? Why do Alice's visions go blank? Why has she been going blind? What did you have to do?" Bella began opening and closing her mouth as if trying to form the words. When none came forth, she only shook her head in defeat. "No, Bella. You have evaded my questions as to how you have come back to me, but you cannot escape these. What is going on? What deal do you have with Fate and what just happened to my sister?"

Bella swallowed hard and was silent for a minute before starting, "Please remember- above anything else- that I love you, Edward. None of this was ever done to hurt you. What I did was selfish and destructive and I hate myself for it, but I needed to see you. I needed to let you know that my death wasn't your fault. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror every morning knowing that I once had something so beautiful and so untouchable. I couldn't live with the guilt that I had driven you away because I wasn't pretty or smart enough. I love you so much Edward. I needed you to know. I didn't want you to have my death on your conscience. I watched you punish yourself for a long time when I was gone and I couldn't do it anymore."

Taking a shaky breath and finding my face with her hands, Bella paused momentarily before continuing. "After I had killed myself, I wandered for a long time. People often wonder what death is like. They believe it to be peaceful, but it isn't if you don't fulfill your destiny as you should. I wandered in the dark for years. I wasn't able to watch over my family. I couldn't make sure you were okay and it destroyed me.

"The moment I died, I flashed between visions of what was going on in my mortal body and what I was seeing in death. It didn't matter that Jacob gave me CPR and rushed me to the hospital- my vision had already focused on the shadowy land before me. I sat by myself for a while, stunned and desperate for humanity again, but I knew it was all over when she came to find me.

"Never have I ever seen anything so beautiful, Edward. She was so exotic. She was every race, every color, and every emotion. She was so complex that just being in close proximity to her made your head spin. Fate had found me- sought me out to condemn me for my sins. She had told me she was a messenger come to bring me an ultimatum. She said she had been watching us for some time now because relationships like ours are few and very precious. She explained to me how it was her doing that we found each other and fell in love. She understood our multifaceted compositions and knew that what we would share would be far more powerful that any entity she had seen before.

"She was furious with you because of your decisions to leave. That was not her doing. She explained to me how she and Libertas deal from the same deck of cards." From my questioning glances, Bella took a shaky breath and explained, "You would be surprised how much of mythology is accurate. Libertas…"

"Yes, I know who Libertas is, Bella. She's the Roman goddess of Freedom." I answered bitingly. I could hear her heart hammering within her breast and it was unnerving to me. Something was terribly wrong and I didn't like being in the dark. Bella's frantic and worn face only went to further my fear. "But Bella, that is no concern to me. I am not in dire need of a mythology lesson…"

She shook her head violently and took folds of my shirt within her palms. Her teeth were clenched and her eyes were so utterly distressed that I was momentarily stunned. "No, Edward." She hissed between her gritted teeth. "You don't get it." She shook me twice- hard. "It has _everything_ to do with us."

I was only able to blink one, dumbfounded, as her words increased in speed. "Libertas and Fate are constantly at odds. Our future was dependent upon their decisions. Fate wanted us to be together- we were supposed to be together, but from a solitary second of neglect we were torn apart. Libertas had Jasper attack me. Libertas planted the idea in your head to leave me. Libertas showed me cliff jumping with Jacob. Everything Fate had done was overwritten by Libertas and no matter how hard she tried, we were unable to be broken from the bonds that bind and break.

"She apologized for everything that had happened. More often than not, she is the guiding factor in death and paths of life, but it was all out of her hands. She was leading you to me, while Libertas and Orcas took me farther and farther into depression. I was unreachable and she brought you to me too late. I was already gone."

Tears were falling at a consistent speed down her flushed cheeks. Her beautiful face was swollen and mangled with the urgent need for my understanding, and yet, I knew not what I was to comprehend. My brows furrowed and I shook my head in confusion as she continued shakily, "Because of her mistakes, she offered me an ultimatum. Because I was driven to insanity and I wasn't in control of my destiny, she offered me the option of life again- but only at a certain cost."

She paused and without warning, Bella pulled herself upwards and caught my lips with her own in a passionate needy kiss. My lips responded hungrily against her own, but after a moment of our overzealous kiss, she broke away. Bella kept her eyes adverted from my own. They remained downcast and hidden as she went on, "I want you all to know: Jasper, Alice, Edward… the decision Fate gave me was the hardest decision I've _ever _had to make. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I should have known it would have all been inevitable eventually. Well, once the truth came out at least."

I watched as my beautiful Bella swallowed hard and closed her eyes. Small wrinkles formed around the outer creases of her eye as she clenched them tight to advert her continuous salty tears from coming forth any further. She was trembling again when she mechanically turned her downtrodden eyes to mine. Never before had I ever seen so much grief. Glazed over with tears, her chocolate eyes were swimming in her tears. Her eyes were like never ending voids of sorrow. I wanted so desperately to reach out a touch her- tell her everything was alright. I even attempted, but she lightly pushed me back with outstretched palms and a barely noticeable shake of her head.

Our silence was instantly broken by Alice, who had come to sit next to me. "But Bella, what…?"

Without breaking eye contact with me, Bella answered, "I could either go straight to Hell because of my sin or live in purgatory. No one wants to go to Hell, and so I chose Purgatory, but not before I heard what the repercussions would be. If I went to Hell I would live there forever. I would be molested by Satan's fiery flames of torment while all the while watching you and my family. I would be forced to see everything you did for the remainder of your eternity. I would know where you go, what you do, and everything you say." Her chin dimpled with emotion, "If I went to Purgatory I would live in repentance. All the souls in Purgatory get 'recycled' for a lack of a better word. The soul, once it repents for the desired time for God, is reincarnated without knowledge of their previous lives in hopes that they will improve upon themselves what they did not in their last life, but because I was bitten by James, I had a mark of immortality…" Bella had to cut herself off. With every word she had increased her speed until she was a writhing bundle of sounds. She took a deep, shaky breath, her fingers caressing the crescent moon shaped scar. "I… my body wasn't able to be recycled. If I went to Hell my entire body would come with me and my recycling period would be finished. But because James had bitten me, I couldn't be recycled anymore. I was useless to the wheel and therefore my body must be destroyed."


	24. Expicamela Part II

Remember when the last time I posted was in 2010? K. I'm officially a douchewad. Sorry guys :( I've been working on my own novel and pushed this away. I refound all my notes on my old hard drive and thought I'd try and give it another push. Even this isn't my best work, so I'm ready for the anger.

I doubt anyone reads this anymore, but here's 24! (heh I'm the best poet that eva was.)

**"I… my body wasn't able to be recycled. If I went to Hell my entire body would come with me and my recycling period would be finished. But because James had bitten me, I couldn't be recycled anymore. I was useless to the wheel and therefore my body must be destroyed."**

Chapter Twenty-Four

The three of us- Jasper, Alice, and I- watched Bella expectantly. She has paused, too afraid to go on. Her shaking had stopped, but her tears did not. I gazed at her, trying to take her in. She was so fragile- more bone than skin. I knew that she was losing weight, but I hadn't realized to what extent. She was still partially naked from our little tryst earlier this evening, wearing nothing but her undergarments and one of my undershirts, but she swam in it. Her forearms were half the size of my own and nearly lacking all muscle density. I didn't even recognize her and the thought revolted me.

The pads of her fingers nimbly toyed with the anonymous silver band on her right pointer finger. She watched fleetingly as the stones cast little rainbows on the wall in the early morning sunlight. It was beautiful. With every new twist a new color was illuminated. She paused; the ring turned at an awkward angle within her knobby, elegant fingers and admired a transitory moment as a fan of sea-foam green splayed before us in small diamond silhouettes.

Alice and Jasper were too on edge, too aggravated, to catch the excruciating look was pulled at the corners of her mouth, before she sheathed her finger back in to the center of the metal ring and folded her hands in her lap.

"James' venom was still in my veins. There was such a miniscule amount that it wasn't enough to change me, but it was enough to be in limbo. My soul hadn't reached its Nirvana because I hadn't let it." Bella glanced up through her eyelashes, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards into a sad grimace, "You were my Nirvana, Edward." The thought was like a searing pain in my chest. She killed herself because I had made her.

"Either way I chose, I would be punished. I could live forever in Hell, watching you all every day knowing the pain I had caused you, wishing I hadn't done what I did. Or, I could wander in Purgatory, alone.

"You know," she snorted, a semblance of a gurgled, wet laugh escaped from her throat. She batted at her cheek, trying to wipe away her still-flowing tears, "you'd think that Purgatory is full of aching souls, but it's not. Everyone is sent in to their own purgatory- their own limbo to contemplate their every Earthly action in silence. I sometimes wondered if it was worse than Hell."

My heart flipped over into my chest. I reached for her, but she took my hands within her own and returned them to my lap. "Trust me, Edward," she managed, her voice jumping an octave, "you won't want to touch me in a moment."

I furrowed my brows as a thought from Alice snaked its way in to my ear: _She's not to be trusted. _I snapped my head to the left, glaring at her as a snarl caught itself halfway up my esophagus. Alice returned my gaze frankly. He fury and fear hitting me like an 18 wheeler- how could she think so? How? After everything Bella had ever been to her. _My pupils just bled out of my eyes- I can only hope I am wrong. _

Bella watched this exchanged tentatively, her fingers beginning to tremble again. "I was selfish." She squeaked, "I chose Purgatory because it was easy. I chose Purgatory because Fate struck a deal with me: I could come back." Her breath caught in her chest and her last syllable cracked, sending her into another fit of silent tears. "After a hundred years of contemplation I could try and find you, but at a price.

"I am placed back upon the Earth with all the knowledge of my previous life. I remember you, I remember feelings, I remember everything so it is easier for me to find you, but harder if I don't succeed.

"For every hundred years, I am on Earth for eighteen. The cycle is perpetual- after eighteen years I will die again, my body completely disappearing from Earth."

In a moment, everything seemed to crash down around me. A panic surged through me as I struggled to comprehend what Bella had just said. She was not permanent? Eighteen? She was seventeen- or so I thought… When? My mind began to break down, shutting every nerve down one by one until everything was silenced by a cry that detonated around us.  
It was inhuman. I couldn't recognize where it came from until I felt arms around me. It sounded again and only then did I realize it came from me.

Alice had taken me in to her arms, attempting to cradle me in to her chest, but I threw her off. I glanced at Bella, my eyes wild and full of confusion. She had started forward, her whole body wracking with sobs. We both paused, staring into each other's eyes. "Edward," she whispered my name like a plea. She reached for me but I couldn't will myself to move.

"How long?" I croaked. Forever was no more- forever was too short. She had lied. She had promised me eternity this time- she had promised that she would never leave me again. "How long?!" I cried, trembling, my insides withering and aching. I needed to know how much longer we had.

"Forty-three days."  
All the wind rushed out of me. Why was I staring at the ceiling? "To my knowledge, there are only four of us that exist today. We're called Wanderers- roaming the Earth in search of what we left behind." I moaned. "But, if by some chance, in a life, we cannot find what we seek, we can never return. "

My head snapped in her direction. I ran my fingers through my hair, seizing the strands and tugging angrily. "What do you mean, you can never return?"

"In my next cycle, if I can't find you within 18 years, it's because I didn't look hard enough or you don't want to be found. I am not able to be "reborn," for lack of a better term."

The silence that stretched between the four of us was unnerving. No one dared to say anything- the only sound was of Bella's uneven breathing. "Edward, I'm so sorry. This is the only way I could know that you were okay…"

I met her eyes, and she was silenced. She must have seen the emotional turmoil- anger, sadness, fear, depression- all swirling in my jumbled brain. She extended her trembling hand and grabbed my own: "Edward," she sobbed.

I enveloped her body in to my own, clutching her as tightly as I could to my body. This couldn't be it- I couldn't lose her in a little over a month, not after I just got her again. "Edward, I'm so scared." She whimpered, clinging to my chest. "I'm so sorry- I never meant for any of this to hurt you."

"But why," Alice began, her voice edged with suspicion "did my vision go blank? Why do I go blind…"

Ignoring Alice, I wrapped one of my arms around Bella's upper back, running my fingers through her still-curled hair. My lips found the crown of her hairline. I had vowed long ago that I would never corrupt her. I had made a promise to myself that my beloved would always be human… but if I changed her? If I changed her she would be completely immortal. She would never have to leave me. We could have our forever. "It's alright, Bella." I cooed, clutching her curled body into my chest, "It'll be okay- you don't need to go."

Bella shook her head vehemently, puckering the skin of my chest beneath her forehead, "No, Edward, I do."

"No, if I change you…"

"Edward-" Alice began, her voice rising

"If I changed, you Bella you wouldn't…"

"DON'T YOU GET IT?" Bella exploded, shoving me away from her, streaks of mascara-blackened tears smeared against her cheekbones. She was holding me at arms length now, now allowing me access to her. I was taken aback by her sudden outburst, but Alice was not. "Edward, don't you get it?"

Alice had gripped my arms and was forcing me away from Bella, trying to claw at her. Each word like a dagger as it seeped through her gritted teeth. "What. Have. You. _Done_?"

"Alice, please I never meant…."

I didn't have enough time to reach to the next few moments before a riot erupted around me. I was flung a few feet away and Alice had taken hold of Bella, screaming, "Bella, what have you _done_? How _could_ you?"

Jasper had his arms wrapped around his wife's waist, trying in vain to peel Alice from Bella. "Alice, I'm sorry!"

"You _must_ have known! You must have known he would try and change you! You would have let him!"

Bella's frail body was crumbling beneath Alice's intensity. "No," she mewled, writhing in pain beneath the clamped fingers my sister had clamped about Bella's neck. "Alice, I swear, I made him suck out the venom. I swear, I would _never_…."

"ENOUGH." Alice and Jasper were both hurled across the room, my body shaking in raw, unadulterated fury. How _dare _Alice touch her. How _dare_ she. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I growled. I was standing over my sister, hissing, shaking with rage.

"Tell him." Alice screamed. "Tell him, Bella, what you've done."

"You can't change me, Edward." My beautiful Bella moaned, wrapping her stickly thin arms around my left thigh. "Edward, the only way Fate would let me return was if there was no way that I could become immortal." I could feel the warmth on my leg as she buried her face into my skin. _TELL HIM YOU SON OF A BITCH_Alice screeched mentally, her pixie like body quaking with suppressed anger. Jasper had pinned her arms behind her back and encircled her whole body with his strong arms. "She linked my senses with Alice. If you make me immortal, Alice will lose her faculties one at a time."


End file.
